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KB really is brilliant at times.

 

Nothing better than rooting for an absolute stranger that Ive never met with a dodgy user name purely so that he can get his hole.

 

Gon yerself wee man

:lol:

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Салатные палочки

KB really is brilliant at times.

 

Nothing better than rooting for an absolute stranger that Ive never met with a dodgy user name purely so that he can get his hole.

 

Gon yerself wee man

 

Ahem....big man!!  Well at least that's what I told her  :2thumbsup:

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chester copperpot

Ahem....big man!! Well at least that's what I told her :2thumbsup:

:lol:

 

I call everyone wee man due to me being 6ft 6 and was in no way reference to the size of your ******.

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chester copperpot

Salad I would just tactical tug it all day. Once an hour til you meet her. Better safe than sorry.

 

Jesus, I would do that twice then cancel the date as I would have expended all my energy up!

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Салатные палочки

You're not getting any work done today are you? :lol:

 

Got your best banter ready?

 

Know any good jokes? (Women love comedy. Not in the bedroom though, I've found out.)

 

What aftershave after you going to wear? Smell nice with a good scent, and she'll practically be sliding off the pub chair.

 

Tactical-tug? Think you'll cover that seemingly.

 

Phone FULLY charged.

 

Can you remember where the clitoris is? Very important piece of equipment.

 

Don't rush out for Bagpipe Championships in the morning though. You'll hurt her feelings.

 

Unless you slip her a morning glory before you do...

 

:rofl: not a lot no, thankfully my boss is off today and usually when that happens on a Friday it's a chippy lunch and tunes on.  

 

Hit her with my best banter on Wednesday night but hopefully ill be able to regale her with some funny stories from through the years.  She's easy to chat to so shouldn't be a problem. 

 

It's a toss-up between JP Gaultier or Hugo Boss tonight.  Perhaps you lads can recommend which one.  

 

ill be taking my charger with me, just in case I need to plan an escape.  

 

I told her I would need to leave early on Saturday, she even offered to drop me off.  I said no it's okay just drop me at the train station and ill make my own way from there. To keep her sweet I said I would meet her on Saturday night.  

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If you are struggling to keep the wolf form the door then just remember, there are a group of strangers on an internet subforum all rooting for you champ. Just remember to not say 'Do it for The Shed' out loud, she might question that. 

 

Don't let us down; regale us with tales of glory. Or let us down and tell us about that. Not fussed. :lol:  

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Salad I would just tactical tug it all day. Once an hour til you meet her. Better safe than sorry.

That's terrible advice, he needs to keep something for the lady in question :D

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chester copperpot

If you are struggling to keep the wolf form the door then just remember, there are a group of strangers on an internet subforum all rooting for you champ. Just remember to not say 'Do it for The Shed' out loud, she might question that.

 

Don't let us down; regale us with tales of glory. Or let us down and tell us about that. Not fussed. :lol:

:rofl:

 

You are slowly becoming my favourite poster.

 

Genuine lol moment there

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Remember to have a gentleman's wash in the pub bogs, just before getting the taxi.  It's nice to be nice and maybe it'll soothe things after the hourly tugging.

 

PS you can put a johnny on then too, to save time later.

Edited by Lemongrab
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The important question, is are you going to trim your baw hair before you go?

 

Trim your gentleman's area but don't shave, otherwise you'll have razor burn.  No woman is going to want to be presented with the Black Forest when she finally gets your belt off.  Likewise, she isn't going to want your ****** to look like it's got acne, so try and keep a healthy balance. 

 

Remember before you go out, to put a wee spray of deodorant right on your hoop.  No-one is going to want their bedroom to smell of arse afterwards.  It'll burn a wee bit, but not for long and it keeps the whole downstairs area smelling fresh.

 

If you're a 2 pump chump, get absolutely plastered beforehand.  It'll sort that right out, and even if it doesn't, you won't be in any fit state to care.  

 

A tactical wank (henceforth referred to as TacWank) will put you in good standing to make the main event a success, so best have 2 or 3 before you leave.

Edited by tian447
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Remember to have a gentleman's wash in the pub bogs, just before getting the taxi.  It's nice to be nice and maybe it'll soothe things after the hourly tugging.

 

PS you can put a johnny on then too, to save time later.

 

18zmp7pjdxtz9gif.gif Rude+Daniel+Radcliffe.gif

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Offering to drop you off? Deal's sealed.

 

Hugo Boss by the way. Or nip out at lunch, and buy yourself some Armani Code, Issay Miyake or 1 Million by Paco Rabanne.

 

Any of them will leave her like putty.

 

Spicebomb.  I actually got the recommendation from a post in the Shed years ago, and it's proved to be a winner with every girl in the past 2 years or so :thumbsup:

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Stephane Grappelli

Big night tonight.

 

When you get back to hers I would be grateful if you both set up a Fantasy Premier League team and pay a fiver.

 

Cheers.

Great idea!

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Cool Waters, Joop or Farenheit

 

Takes me back!

 

Cool Waters still smells good.  A guy from the band I room shared with in France last year had a bottle with him. I used it every night we went out :rofl: 

 

This was the ones to get the chicks at the school dance c.1995/96, along with a pastel Ben Sherman.  

 

71PRfp7JnoL._SY355_.jpg

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Bet you got all the girls at the skool disco with those bad boys! :lol:

 

Drowning in Cool Water.

Got my first kiss wearing Joop.

 

School Xmas disco 1999. In the music corridor cos didn't want anyone to see. Not sure why cos she was / still is gorgeous! :lol:

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We'll be the judge of that.

 

Facebook pics.

:lol: I couldn't possibly.

 

She ended up a footballers WAG for a period of time though. That might give you an indication of her looks, but not intelligence.

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Could be Willo Flood.

 

Anyway, what the **** are you doing here?

 

Away and have a ****. You've not got long to get ready.

Maybe he was doing it while typing Edited by iantjambo
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Always groom. Shorter the grass the taller the tree. Also I have some wee blue fellas if required. You can hammer nails in with your old man after one of them.

Is the heavy burd with the steak pie?

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KB really is brilliant at times.

 

Nothing better than rooting for an absolute stranger that Ive never met with a dodgy user name purely so that he can get his hole.

 

Gon yerself wee man

Brilliant, Chester.

 

Literal lol-ing with tears.

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Riddley Walker

For the Shhheeeeeddddddd

For the Shhheeeeeddddddd

 

Puump her, puump her, pu-ump her her her.

 

To the tune of:

 

 

Please don't have this stuck in your head as you're doing the deed :jjyay:

 

 

 

 

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Салатные палочки

Salad's next 24 hours could be summed up here, as he prepares for his date with JKB ( and with her) at Frankenstein's...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:rofl: I just burst out laughing imagining strolling into the boozer and busting those moves.  Could go either way that one.  

 

For the Shhheeeeeddddddd

For the Shhheeeeeddddddd

 

Puump her, puump her, pu-ump her her her.

 

To the tune of:

 

 

Please don't have this stuck in your head as you're doing the deed :jjyay:

 

Could be a good way of "keeping the wolf from the door" as Alan Partridge said.  

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Samuel Camazzola

I can just imagine Salad's chat being full of anecdotes taken straight from the Classics section.

 

In terms of spray for tonight, I suggest Chanel Allure. Thank me later.

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I can just imagine Salad's chat being full of anecdotes taken straight from the Classics section.

 

In terms of spray for tonight, I suggest Chanel Allure. Thank me later.

 

Hopefully not from the classics section of JKB......'I had to shite in a field tonight' chat would not be a winner I suspect.......

 

But you never know! If she is into that then SF is in for a wild night

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Hopefully not from the classics section of JKB......'I had to shite in a field tonight' chat would not be a winner I suspect.......

 

But you never know! If she is into that then SF is in for a wild night

 

:rofl: you never know, she could be like that girl that someone was talking about earlier in the thread, asking if she should get ice cream as it would make a difference as to what consistency it came out  :vrwow:

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chester copperpot

What time's the date happening at.

 

Just so I can set my alarm so I dont miss the updates 'live'

 

The Olympic viewing can wait for a while

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What time's the date happening at.

 

Just so I can set my alarm so I dont miss the updates 'live'

 

The Olympic viewing can wait for a while

I hope SF appreciates that we've all put out Friday night on hold so that we can find out when he's slipped her a length :lol:

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Can we not rig a "red button" type thing for tonight's main event?!..........queue the jokes about the "wee red button" Salad Fingers will hoping to press Tonight!!!

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Can we not rig a "red button" type thing for tonight's main event?!..........queue the jokes about the "wee red button" Salad Fingers will hoping to press Tonight!!!

Doubt it'll get that far to be fair. The slightest touch through the underwear and the excuses will be being made.

 

:smuggy:

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Doubt it'll get that far to be fair. The slightest touch through the underwear and the excuses will be being made.

 

:smuggy:

:lol:

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Салатные палочки

What time's the date happening at.

 

Just so I can set my alarm so I dont miss the updates 'live'

 

The Olympic viewing can wait for a while

[emoji1] meeting her at half 7. Now her plan is to go to the pub but I'm hopeful that she changes her mind and wants to stay in.

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

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chester copperpot

[emoji1] meeting her at half 7. Now her plan is to go to the pub but I'm hopeful that she changes her mind and wants to stay in.

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

 

 

Picking up the bairn at 8 tnite and driving at breakneck speeds to get back so I don't miss anything.

 

Right charmer you eh? 2nd date and you want to stay in! Take round a bottle or 3 of wine and get her half jake'd then unleash the charm.

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Right cTake round a bottle or 3 of wine and get her half jake'd then unleash the charm.

And the Web Cam!!
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Private Hudson

Picking up the bairn at 8 tnite and driving at breakneck speeds to get back so I don't miss anything.

 

Right charmer you eh? 2nd date and you want to stay in! Take round a bottle or 3 of wine and get her half jake'd then unleash the charm.

Is that what you call your 'old chap'?

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Riddley Walker

Go to the pub for a bit mate. It'll get the atmosphere and the chat going, go somewhere fairly lively and you'll both get pished quicker and drink quicker, which is surely what you want for a first time shag. You need to get off to a good start in the sack, you don't want to be doing that shit at half 8 when you're sober. Pub till 11, roll back to hers for midnight and that's it. Half hourly updates please.

 

Actually I want a sex update earlier than half 12, if you could bring forward my carefully thought out schedule by a couple of hours that would be great.

Edited by Riddley Walker
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Pizza ordered. Carry out in. Phone off the hook. Dialled into this thread for the evening.

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Auld Reekin'

Picking up the bairn at 8 tnite and driving at breakneck speeds to get back so I don't miss anything.

 

Right charmer you eh? 2nd date and you want to stay in! Take round a bottle or 3 of wine and get her half jake'd then unleash the charm.

 

A very risky strategy, according to another recent thread...    :booze:   :silly:   :taz:   :death:       

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Riddley Walker

You've not been this excited about a sex life, since the day you broke out of your ex's dungeon. :lol:

There's a tiny part of me that thinks this is all a ploy by "tweegy" and Salad Fingers' will never get a chance to post an update.

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You've not been this excited about a sex life, since the day you broke out of your ex's dungeon. :lol:

Not had a sex life since :rofl:

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