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IronJambo
Just now, 3fingersreid said:

My thoughts exactly , with the exception of my knob , everything touched was in contact with toilet paper not my hands , even after washing my hands the door was opened with bog roll . Must’ve used half a tub of alcohol gel when in the corridor 

Your boaby must be toxic if you have to do all that after touching it.

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Maple Leaf
10 hours ago, Horatio Caine said:

Anybody know what `Oh my days` actually means??

 

It's short for "Oh my heavenly days", which is just an expression of surprise.

 

It's more hoity-toity than 'wow!'

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Samuel Camazzola
1 hour ago, iantjambo said:

 

You can bet your baws that the dirty **** didn’t wash his hands either!

Or wipe his hoop. 

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3fingersreid
1 hour ago, IronJambo said:

Your boaby must be toxic if you have to do all that after touching it.

Called many things but never toxic ??

would your mum in law like to check it ? ?

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IronJambo
1 hour ago, 3fingersreid said:

Called many things but never toxic ??

would your mum in law like to check it ? ?

You're braver than me mate ?

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3fingersreid
8 minutes ago, IronJambo said:

You're braver than me mate ?

If it’s toxic I could be doing you a favour ???

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Bring on the Future

Wife and I are headed to Vegas for a holiday, as her best friend is getting married there. Having boarded the Gatwick bound plane at Edinburgh airport, we’re dismayed to see a collective infestation of Edinburgh Celtic Supporters clubs board the plane.

 

I hope in vain that they’ve got some ridiculous post season friendly somewhere in Europe that I’ve not heard about but nope, that would be too lucky. The manky mob are descending on Vegas as well, for some “Celtic convention” that’s due to last all week. ? ? 

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jonnothejambo
13 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Or wipe his hoop. 

 

If the clarty get didn't wipe the old rusty sheriff's badge then he probably thinks that he is actually being hygienic to an extent as he hasn't run the risk of his fingers going through the bog roll and touching the remnant of the Sir John he had just deposited down the Tex Ritter.

 

 

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heartsfc_fan
47 minutes ago, Bring on the Future said:

Wife and I are headed to Vegas for a holiday, as her best friend is getting married there. Having boarded the Gatwick bound plane at Edinburgh airport, we’re dismayed to see a collective infestation of Edinburgh Celtic Supporters clubs board the plane.

 

I hope in vain that they’ve got some ridiculous post season friendly somewhere in Europe that I’ve not heard about but nope, that would be too lucky. The manky mob are descending on Vegas as well, for some “Celtic convention” that’s due to last all week. ? ? 

Yeah they do that every year. We went in May 2015 and one of the local bar staff said they come every year in June.

 

Enjoy ?

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Samuel Camazzola
36 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said:

 

If the clarty get didn't wipe the old rusty sheriff's badge then he probably thinks that he is actually being hygienic to an extent as he hasn't run the risk of his fingers going through the bog roll and touching the remnant of the Sir John he had just deposited down the Tex Ritter.

 

 

He's probably like this guy. 

 

 

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jonnothejambo
2 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

He's probably like this guy. 

 

 

 

:muggy:

 

:rofl:

 

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Morgan
3 hours ago, jonnothejambo said:

 

If the clarty get didn't wipe the old rusty sheriff's badge then he probably thinks that he is actually being hygienic to an extent as he hasn't run the risk of his fingers going through the bog roll and touching the remnant of the Sir John he had just deposited down the Tex Ritter.

 

 

Could you please translate that into English?

:whistling:

 

:rofl: 

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Lemongrab
4 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

He's probably like this guy. 

 

 

Thank feck it didn't show what he did in the cubicle.

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jonnothejambo
2 hours ago, Morgan said:

Could you please translate that into English?

:whistling:

 

:rofl: 

 

Certainement. 

 

Rusty Sheriff's badge = arse

Sir John = Sir John Barbsroli = toaly 

 

You are welcome

 

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IronJambo

Ffs I made mojitos earlier and I think I got a drop of lime juice on the watch I was wearing as I've got a lighter spot on the case now. If I was a dwarf my name wouldnie be Happy.

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Old Blue Eyes
Posted (edited)
On 02/06/2019 at 19:36, IronJambo said:

Ffs I made mojitos earlier and I think I got a drop of lime juice on the watch I was wearing as I've got a lighter spot on the case now. If I was a dwarf my name wouldnie be Happy.

 

Dopey?

 

Dunk the whole watch in the lime juice...sorted.

Edited by Old Blue Eyes

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IronJambo
3 hours ago, Old Blue Eyes said:

 

Dopey?

 

Dunk the whole watch in the lime juice...sorted.

Dopey would be about right. I'm just going to have to put up with the splodge until it catches up with the rest of the watch. 

It's been slowly patinating since October and as nice as the "virgin" bronze is it can't stay that way without a lot of work. Besides that, I really like how it's been developing.

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IronJambo
11 hours ago, Old Blue Eyes said:

 

Dopey?

 

Dunk the whole watch in the lime juice...sorted.

Definitely Dopey. Or maybe Clumsy. I dropped said watch on a tiled floor earlier and it's stopped working now ?

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Helzibob

Got really bad lower back pain. Feels like I’ve been beaten up and kicked in the back. Even codein isn’t working ?.

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Konrad von Carstein

House hunting!

We saw "THE" house for us, we spoke to the vendor to ascertain his price expectations as the house had been on the market since the  beginning of February and it was a "fixer upper", duly noted interest on the Monday morning, 2 hours later received a call from the selling solicitor advising a closing date on the Thursday...we bid his acceptable price +1£K....we had our bid accepted on the Friday morning...wee celebration that night and our plans for what we were going to do started to take shape.

 

Phone call on the Monday advising that the property was being taken off the market and our offer was rejected!!

 

Old **** was basing his price expectations on a similar (immaculate) property a couple of buildings down...the last few days have been a hell of looking at properties we really can't seem to get invested in and are now thoroughly hacked off

 

Did I say he was an old ****??!!

 

****!!!

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Captain Sausage
10 minutes ago, Konrad von Carstein said:

House hunting!

We saw "THE" house for us, we spoke to the vendor to ascertain his price expectations as the house had been on the market since the  beginning of February and it was a "fixer upper", duly noted interest on the Monday morning, 2 hours later received a call from the selling solicitor advising a closing date on the Thursday...we bid his acceptable price +1£K....we had our bid accepted on the Friday morning...wee celebration that night and our plans for what we were going to do started to take shape.

 

Phone call on the Monday advising that the property was being taken off the market and our offer was rejected!!

 

Old **** was basing his price expectations on a similar (immaculate) property a couple of buildings down...the last few days have been a hell of looking at properties we really can't seem to get invested in and are now thoroughly hacked off

 

Did I say he was an old ****??!!

 

****!!!

 

Know the pain mate. We moved down to Surrey last year and saw 26 houses before we found ‘the one’. The one meaning a non-council house that cost twice as much as our Aberdeen house with half the footprint. 

 

Its soul destroying but much better to persevere now than accept mediocrity and end up regretting it a couple of years down the line (applies to wife and house, sadly not football teams)

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Konrad von Carstein
9 minutes ago, Captain Sausage said:

 

Know the pain mate. We moved down to Surrey last year and saw 26 houses before we found ‘the one’. The one meaning a non-council house that cost twice as much as our Aberdeen house with half the footprint. 

 

Its soul destroying but much better to persevere now than accept mediocrity and end up regretting it a couple of years down the line (applies to wife and house, sadly not football teams)

It's pissed us off mightily, due to us actually engaging with the old **** and trying to manage his expectations, then to find out that he was wanting the thick end of 10K above what we had discussed with him.

 

Had he said that at the beginning we would have walked away disappointed but accepting that we just couldn't justify his expectations.

 

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The Continental Op

Greggs have stopped putting non-stick slips on their iced donuts and cakes. Result - 

 

0D2B9051-8DC8-407C-8A34-0FB0ECCFDB9C.jpeg

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Horatio Caine

People who open their car doors just as you're about to pass them.  Driving through Whitburn this morning and I had to swerve at the last minute as an elderly a******e opened his driver's door right on to the road.  Does nobody check for oncoming traffic these days?

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Salad Fingers
13 hours ago, The Continental Op said:

Greggs have stopped putting non-stick slips on their iced donuts and cakes. Result - 

 

0D2B9051-8DC8-407C-8A34-0FB0ECCFDB9C.jpeg

 

That really wound me up last week when I went in for a coffee, decided to treat myself to a white ice doughnut and half the icing peeled off with it.  Unforgiveable. 

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luckyBatistuta
1 hour ago, Horatio Caine said:

People who open their car doors just as you're about to pass them.  Driving through Whitburn this morning and I had to swerve at the last minute as an elderly a******e opened his driver's door right on to the road.  Does nobody check for oncoming traffic these days?

 

They then have the cheek to give you that look as if to say what’s your ####### problem!!!

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Ray Gin
1 hour ago, Horatio Caine said:

People who open their car doors just as you're about to pass them.  Driving through Whitburn this morning and I had to swerve at the last minute as an elderly a******e opened his driver's door right on to the road.  Does nobody check for oncoming traffic these days?

 

I'm sure I read that the "Dutch reach" is to be included in the new Highway Code. Hopefully it is also incorporated into driving tests and is an automatic fail if you don't do it when leaving the vehicle.

 

 

 

 

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Ray Gin
Posted (edited)

.

Edited by Ray Gin

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Tazio
1 hour ago, Horatio Caine said:

People who open their car doors just as you're about to pass them.  Driving through Whitburn this morning and I had to swerve at the last minute as an elderly a******e opened his driver's door right on to the road.  Does nobody check for oncoming traffic these days?

 

Arseholes. I've had the fun experience of someone doing that to me when I was cycling along George Street many years ago. Partial somersault over the door and massively expensive repair to my bike. More amusingly a a mate stopped to be sick when was on the motorway a few years ago as he was so hungover and a passing artic took his door off. He then drove home another 50 miles with the door in his boot. 

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3fingersreid
2 hours ago, Horatio Caine said:

People who open their car doors just as you're about to pass them.  Driving through Whitburn this morning and I had to swerve at the last minute as an elderly a******e opened his driver's door right on to the road.  Does nobody check for oncoming traffic these days?

 

20 minutes ago, Tazio said:

 

Arseholes. I've had the fun experience of someone doing that to me when I was cycling along George Street many years ago. Partial somersault over the door and massively expensive repair to my bike. More amusingly a a mate stopped to be sick when was on the motorway a few years ago as he was so hungover and a passing artic took his door off. He then drove home another 50 miles with the door in his boot. 

That’s going to happen more with the new electric cabs and the door opening out from the back 

 

41 minutes ago, Ray Gin said:

 

I'm sure I read that the "Dutch reach" is to be included in the new Highway Code. Hopefully it is also incorporated into driving tests and is an automatic fail if you don't do it when leaving the vehicle.

 

 

 

 

That should be brought in , some of the near misses I’ve had and seen are incredible

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Tazio

People who insist on talking to you at bus stops when you clearly have headphones on. 

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All roads lead to Gorgie

People who seem to abandon their vehicles for months on end. There is then a build up of rubbish under the wheels which doesn't get shifted by the street cleaners( if such a thing exists nowadays). Then when you get heavy rain you get massive puddles developing because the water can't flow passed these vehicles properly. 

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Morgan
3 hours ago, Tazio said:

People who insist on talking to you when you don’t know them. And, continue to do so when you display that you are clearly not the least bit interested in the shite they’re spouting.

FTFY

 

:wink: 

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BM1874

Youngest has thrown the TV control somewhere, I’ve checked all the usual spots and hiding places and it’s nowhere to be found, asked him where it is and he gives the usual 4 year old Answers, but I wasn’t even home when it happened, his mother was, and has she bothered to look? Has she feck yet somehow it’s my fault we don’t have it

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Sooperstar

This from an article on Edinburgh Live, about Victo Hugo opening on George Street, has got me right seething.

Screenshot_20190614-185146_Facebook.jpg

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Tazio
32 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

This from an article on Edinburgh Live, about Victo Hugo opening on George Street, has got me right seething.

Screenshot_20190614-185146_Facebook.jpg

Ha, a friend was one of the writers credited with that. She’ll be furious as she is super fastidious about spelling and grammar. 

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Sooperstar
1 hour ago, Tazio said:

Ha, a friend was one of the writers credited with that. She’ll be furious as she is super fastidious about spelling and grammar. 

Please pass on my regards.

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Dino Velvet

People that type a instead of I. 

 

 

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iantjambo
Posted (edited)

My mate sent me a text this morning saying “Alright bestie, what you up to?”

 

bestie?

 

BESTIE!!!

 

******* dick got a mouthful of abuse back ???

Edited by iantjambo

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Nookie Bear
On 13/06/2019 at 17:07, BM1874 said:

Youngest has thrown the TV control somewhere, I’ve checked all the usual spots and hiding places and it’s nowhere to be found, asked him where it is and he gives the usual 4 year old Answers, but I wasn’t even home when it happened, his mother was, and has she bothered to look? Has she feck yet somehow it’s my fault we don’t have it

 

Hide the kid til she pulls her finger out and helps. 

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BarneyBattles
On 13/06/2019 at 17:07, BM1874 said:

Youngest has thrown the TV control somewhere, I’ve checked all the usual spots and hiding places and it’s nowhere to be found, asked him where it is and he gives the usual 4 year old Answers, but I wasn’t even home when it happened, his mother was, and has she bothered to look? Has she feck yet somehow it’s my fault we don’t have it

 

4 year olds are mental. Mine sat and laughed at me being locked out one day as my Mrs had left her key in the inside of the lock and was upstairs hoovering. 

 

I was outside side for a good 10 mins trying to get the wee one to take the key out and she just sat there on the settee chortling evilly. 

 

I’ll remember that when Santa’s due ya wee boot. 

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Morgan
On 14/06/2019 at 22:20, Dino Velvet said:

People that type a instead of I. 

 

 

A totally agree.

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iantjambo
11 minutes ago, BarneyBattles said:

 

4 year olds are mental. Mine sat and laughed at me being locked out one day as my Mrs had left her key in the inside of the lock and was upstairs hoovering. 

 

I was outside side for a good 10 mins trying to get the wee one to take the key out and she just sat there on the settee chortling evilly. 

 

I’ll remember that when Santa’s due ya wee boot. 

 

Wee boot :rofl:

 

The words of a loving father :rofl: :rofl:

 

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superjack
43 minutes ago, Morgan said:

A totally agree.

A should of known

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Morgan
3 minutes ago, superjack said:

A should of known

:isee:

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Thommo414
On 14/06/2019 at 21:20, Dino Velvet said:

People that type a instead of I. 

 

 

A know what you mean, gets on ma (not my, ma) tits.

 

I understand it being spoken as its a dialect thing, and not just in Scotland either. But people who type how they speak are truly a different breed of utter ****ing cretin 

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jonnothejambo
4 hours ago, Thommo414 said:

A know what you mean, gets on ma (not my, ma) tits.

 

I understand it being spoken as its a dialect thing, and not just in Scotland either. But people who type how they speak are truly a different breed of utter ****ing cretin 

 

Thick as shit planks. Every one of them.

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Horatio Caine

Weetabix.   Now, I really like weetabix - but I hate the process of extracting them from their wrappings with fall out going everywhere.  I put them into a container but the amount of crumbs at the bottom of it is about equivalent to one weetabix.  Off to get the hoover now.

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Lemongrab
7 minutes ago, Horatio Caine said:

Weetabix.   Now, I really like weetabix - but I hate the process of extracting them from their wrappings with fall out going everywhere.  I put them into a container but the amount of crumbs at the bottom of it is about equivalent to one weetabix.  Off to get the hoover now.

Are you having Weetabix for your tea? 

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Horatio Caine
8 hours ago, Lemongrab said:

Are you having Weetabix for your tea? 

No.  Just unpacked them from the shopping.  Weetabix for tea...pfft.  (second thoughts, maybe not such a bad idea)

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