IronJambo Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 9 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Do a loud, rasping fart then blame the barrel. She would never do such a thing though, she doesn't pass wind. She has "values" that go further back than Queen Victoria. That means that she's a racist cow and thinks that men should always be dressed with a shirt and tie on and be clean shaven. The poor old weak minded bumbling fool that she's married to retired 30 years ago and still dresses like he's going to work in a drawing office. Whether at home, on a beach, or shopping in Tesco he's got his dress trousers on with a shirt and tank top on. The tie is missing these days and I can only assume it's because marshmallow face can't do it properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 55 minutes ago, IronJambo said: She would never do such a thing though, she doesn't pass wind. She has "values" that go further back than Queen Victoria. That means that she's a racist cow and thinks that men should always be dressed with a shirt and tie on and be clean shaven. The poor old weak minded bumbling fool that she's married to retired 30 years ago and still dresses like he's going to work in a drawing office. Whether at home, on a beach, or shopping in Tesco he's got his dress trousers on with a shirt and tank top on. The tie is missing these days and I can only assume it's because marshmallow face can't do it properly. it sounds like you are missing them and are wanting them to visit soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 1 hour ago, milky_26 said: it sounds like you are missing them and are wanting them to visit soon Not as much as everyone else on kickback wants them to visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 7 hours ago, IronJambo said: She would never do such a thing though, she doesn't pass wind. She has "values" that go further back than Queen Victoria. That means that she's a racist cow and thinks that men should always be dressed with a shirt and tie on and be clean shaven. The poor old weak minded bumbling fool that she's married to retired 30 years ago and still dresses like he's going to work in a drawing office. Whether at home, on a beach, or shopping in Tesco he's got his dress trousers on with a shirt and tank top on. The tie is missing these days and I can only assume it's because marshmallow face can't do it properly. I live for these posts. Wonder how long until they come to visit......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 48 minutes ago, Helzibob said: I live for these posts. Wonder how long until they come to visit......... Yep, it's like the script of a 70's un-pc sit com!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 On 02/06/2020 at 16:50, IronJambo said: I'm halfway through a fortnight off and the barrel phones the Mrs every day without fail. To make matters worse she's now got what's app and it's a daily video call. One minute I'm having a bit of peace and the next her big fat marshmallow face is getting shoved in my coupon to say hello. It wouldn't be so bad but she's got zero conversation. At least she doesn't fall asleep on the phone I suppose. better than being in your house bud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 19 hours ago, milky_26 said: it sounds like you are missing them and are wanting them to visit soon 17 hours ago, superjack said: Not as much as everyone else on kickback wants them to visit. Coronavirus is my friend here 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribble Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 20 hours ago, Helzibob said: I live for these posts. Wonder how long until they come to visit......... Hopefully soon and then they self isolated at IJ's house for a fortnight before they have their actual holiday with him, their visits could stretch out to 6 weeks at a time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 26 minutes ago, Ribble said: Hopefully soon and then they self isolated at IJ's house for a fortnight before they have their actual holiday with him, their visits could stretch out to 6 weeks at a time Yep. Boris says the England residents can travel about as much as they like now. Family visit surely pending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 3 hours ago, Horatio Caine said: Yep. Boris says the England residents can travel about as much as they like now. Family visit surely pending. Maybe IJ could set up a couple of webcams around the house and sell virtual season tickets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 26 minutes ago, superjack said: Maybe IJ could set up a couple of webcams around the house and sell virtual season tickets. The show could start with a chorus of `Roll out the Barrell` Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 8 minutes ago, Horatio Caine said: The show could start with a chorus of `Roll out the Barrell` it could be called marshmallow head and the barrel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Big thumbs, small keypads🤬😩 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaps Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 We need a separate thread just for IJ rants alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 On 02/06/2020 at 12:38, Bordeaux 03 said: I think I'm now on my 4th roofer who hasn't turned up when they said they would to provide a quote. It continually happens with workies, it's so difficult to give them money! @sadj aren't you a roofer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBE Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 ELC waste collection calendar; 🟩 bin days are highlighted in 🟥 🟫 bin days are highlighted in 🟧 And 🟦 bin days are highlighted in 🟦, ***kin geniuses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Local tip no accepting white goods. Good yin. I'll just shove my old dishwasher up my arse will I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 1 minute ago, IronJambo said: Local tip no accepting white goods. Good yin. I'll just shove my old dishwasher up my arse will I? Do ANTIFA run your tip? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cade Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Lockdown tv show binge watching has exposed a myriad of annoyances. Actors "drinking" from obviously empty cups. Actors ordering "a pint" or "a beer" from a bar with no further description of what beverage they want. Actors hanging up the phone without saying goodbye or otherwise finishing the conversation like a civilized human being. American shows always, always showing people trying to hit the Bullseye when showing a dartboard on screen as if it's feckin archery. Actors who manage to drive a car without crashing even though they spend 95% of their time looking over at the passenger. During a car chase, changing gear works like a rocket booster. Car doors that are bulletproof even though they're made of thin aluminium and plastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Folk who don’t return things when you’ve been decent enough to let them borrow it. Only just thought of this after a certain movie was just posted on the iconic thread. Two separate special edition films, one being Once Upon A Time in America and the other Brotherhood of War. Over 20 years for one and over 10 years for the other...cheers #####🤬 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartsfc_fan Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: Local tip no accepting white goods. Good yin. I'll just shove my old dishwasher up my arse will I? Is the dishwasher still usable? Somebody will take it. My folks put an old tumble dryer that was left behind in the house they moved to. Popped it on gumtree and it was collected by somebody about 2 hours later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Dawnrazor said: Do ANTIFA run your tip? I'm sure it's council run 16 minutes ago, heartsfc_fan said: Is the dishwasher still usable? Somebody will take it. My folks put an old tumble dryer that was left behind in the house they moved to. Popped it on gumtree and it was collected by somebody about 2 hours later. It probably could've been fixed. I dropped it in the car park when I got it home though as I had picked it up badly and there was metal digging into my hand. I let it go rather than let it cut me. It's currently in a bike store and it'll be there until someone takes it/the tip can accept it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Cade said: Lockdown tv show binge watching has exposed a myriad of annoyances. Actors "drinking" from obviously empty cups. Actors ordering "a pint" or "a beer" from a bar with no further description of what beverage they want. Actors hanging up the phone without saying goodbye or otherwise finishing the conversation like a civilized human being. American shows always, always showing people trying to hit the Bullseye when showing a dartboard on screen as if it's feckin archery. Actors who manage to drive a car without crashing even though they spend 95% of their time looking over at the passenger. During a car chase, changing gear works like a rocket booster. Car doors that are bulletproof even though they're made of thin aluminium and plastic. They then proceed to leave the boozer leaving the pint untouched on the bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thommo414 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 12 minutes ago, iantjambo said: They then proceed to leave the boozer leaving the pint untouched on the bar. Only topped by the full spread at breakfast which all members of the family (bar one) are sitting down to...they’re running late so they grab a slice of toast or sip of coffee and bolt out the door. The wife is usually always okay with it too. If my Mrs is anything to go by 1) such a mealtime would never exist. 2) id probably have my ***** kicked in for her putting in the effort to be ultimately wasted. I think I may have gotten something off my chest there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cade Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) Actors in adverts pretending to eat something. Once you know to look out for it you catch them at it all the time. Usual suspects include a burger or apple which they pretend to take a huge big chomp out of. Bonus points for re-using the same stock "crunching into an apple" sound clip over and over again. Or a smaller item that they pretend to pop in their mouth but palm like some shite kid's birthday party magician then roll nothing around in their mouth (complete with orgasmic eye rolling). Edited June 10, 2020 by Cade Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cade Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, LSD, MDMA and all other drugs make you act in the exact same way, according to scriptwriters/bad actors. And you can get totally shit-faced in about 20 minutes flat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 7 minutes ago, Cade said: And you can get totally shit-faced in about 20 minutes flat. And people can quite happily grab a bottle of straight spirits and gulp it down like it's water. Though I don't mind if it's done for laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribble Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Cade said: Alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, LSD, MDMA and all other drugs make you act in the exact same way, according to scriptwriters/bad actors. And you can get totally shit-faced in about 20 minutes flat. Only decent portrayal on tv of how bevvy affects most people i've seen recently is Liev Schreiber in Ray Donovan, plays drunk very well imho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Every phone number in America starts with "555" in every film. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBE Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Prevailing westerly wind...it's ***ked off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 2 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: Every phone number in America starts with "555" in every film. And people in films and TV hardly ever use a mouse if they're using a computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Camazzola Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 6 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: Every phone number in America starts with "555" in every film. I believe it's a prefix sequence of numbers that were allocated to the film industry as all 555 numbers wouldn't be connected to a network. 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 2 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said: I believe it's a prefix sequence of numbers that were allocated to the film industry as all 555 numbers wouldn't be connected to a network. 👍 👍 There you go!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Camazzola Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: 👍 Edited June 11, 2020 by Samuel Camazzola Duplicate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Салатные палочки Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 10 hours ago, Tazio said: And people can quite happily grab a bottle of straight spirits and gulp it down like it's water. Though I don't mind if it's done for laughs. What gets me is in soaps, they always meet in the pub at lunchtime and has a few drinks before going back to work but yet none of them are half pished and fall asleep at their desk. I mean no one in Coronation Street accidentally sews their hand to a bra after necking three double gins on their break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Салатные палочки Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 9 hours ago, Ribble said: Only decent portrayal on tv of how bevvy affects most people i've seen recently is Liev Schreiber in Ray Donovan, plays drunk very well imho Gregor Fisher was pretty good in Rab C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 Picked my wife up from work , driving over clerry hill in the fog and this clown passes me with no lights on. honestly its 8am and hardly light, but fog.☹️. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) Sair back. I spent 20 minutes holding Frankenstein yesterday afternoon trying to get him down for his nap. Sat down and when I stood up ten minutes later I never really stood. "Walking" with the posture of a 90 year old man with a zimmer but without the zimmer. Making two flat whites at 8am totally bollocksed me. I'm one step short of useless. Ffs I'm almost my in-laws minus the stupidity/ignorance/ugliness (I guess the latter is a matter of opinion). Can't wait for the Mrs to take the bairns out so I can go for a lie down. Edited June 13, 2020 by IronJambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 44 minutes ago, IronJambo said: Sair back. I spent 20 minutes holding Frankenstein yesterday afternoon trying to get him down for his nap. Sat down and when I stood up ten minutes later I never really stood. "Walking" with the posture of a 90 year old man with a zimmer but without the zimmer. Making two flat whites at 8am totally bollocksed me. I'm one step short of useless. Ffs I'm almost my in-laws minus the stupidity/ignorance/ugliness (I guess the latter is a matter of opinion). Can't wait for the Mrs to take the bairns out so I can go for a lie down. Have you got a jug?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 Again 2 cars with no lights on going over clerry hill, it was 7-15 and quite foggy. Is this offence 3points, what is wrong with these people, a danger to others and themselves. Since no one answered me yesterday im maybe making a fuss over nothing.☹️. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBE Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Harry Potter said: Again 2 cars with no lights on going over clerry hill, it was 7-15 and quite foggy. Is this offence 3points, what is wrong with these people, a danger to others and themselves. Since no one answered me yesterday im maybe making a fuss over nothing.☹️. You'll be properly illuminated, this will help reduce the risk of colliding with the dafties...💡 Every other motorist apart from yourself is a ***king arsehole, so I was taught. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 53 minutes ago, OBE said: You'll be properly illuminated, this will help reduce the risk of colliding with the dafties...💡 Every other motorist apart from yourself is a ***king arsehole, so I was taught. Ha Ha, there are a lot of decent drivers about bud but i seem to see the worst, just dont get this not putting your lights on, you would think they are paying for them, crazy folk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 22 hours ago, Horatio Caine said: Have you got a jug?? A big yin in the spare room but I'm feart to touch it 🤮. It's going back to its owner soon as my 5 year old will be moving into that room in a few months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 3 hours ago, Harry Potter said: Again 2 cars with no lights on going over clerry hill, it was 7-15 and quite foggy. Is this offence 3points, what is wrong with these people, a danger to others and themselves. Since no one answered me yesterday im maybe making a fuss over nothing.☹️. My lights come on at times that I don't think I need them but I just leave them be. I reckon if I had a car that didn't put them on automatically I'd be driving around in the dark all the time now. I think DRL's and well lit car parks play a big part in this behaviour though. The instrument panel never used to light up until you at least put side lights on but I don't think it's like that now? It was a hint before that you had no lights on because you couldn't see the speedo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, IronJambo said: My lights come on at times that I don't think I need them but I just leave them be. I reckon if I had a car that didn't put them on automatically I'd be driving around in the dark all the time now. I think DRL's and well lit car parks play a big part in this behaviour though. The instrument panel never used to light up until you at least put side lights on but I don't think it's like that now? It was a hint before that you had no lights on because you couldn't see the speedo. Some folk are just clueless mate, and its not a few, i think they just jump in the car and switch the brain off. As for folk driving to close to my rear, this will never change, clowns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambosean75 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 DRL and light up dashboards are a menace as people think their lights are on but they're driving with no rear lights on in the dark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 2 hours ago, IronJambo said: My lights come on at times that I don't think I need them but I just leave them be. I reckon if I had a car that didn't put them on automatically I'd be driving around in the dark all the time now. I think DRL's and well lit car parks play a big part in this behaviour though. The instrument panel never used to light up until you at least put side lights on but I don't think it's like that now? It was a hint before that you had no lights on because you couldn't see the speedo. The wife's car has automatic lights. She had to phone me yesterday to ask how to put her fog lights on. She's only been driving for a year though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 The amount of people putting posts on social media with them drinking and partying with people from other households. I know Nicola is likely to loosen restrictions this week but she’s not done it yet. Why can’t people just follow the rules? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 7 hours ago, Lemongrab said: The wife's car has automatic lights. She had to phone me yesterday to ask how to put her fog lights on. She's only been driving for a year though. My Mrs done the same thing after we'd had this car for 2 years. She doesn't know how to use even half the functions in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBE Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 7 hours ago, IronJambo said: My Mrs done the same thing after we'd had this car for 2 years. She doesn't know how to use even half the functions in it. Same here, it's been pretty damp and humid up here the last couple. Inside her car was like a sauna, reset the A/C and all is good. The ignorance of some folk regarding the capabilities of the comfy warm/cool modern car is incredible. Love watching a full family car and a dug, all hanging out the windows fighting for a draft, when the inside temp can be controlled automatically. For some, the instruction manual is only opened when something ***ks up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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