Jump to content

Stupidity


The Great Khali

Recommended Posts

Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC

Was asked to dog sit for my cousin a good few years back

 

so went to there flat and was sitting in the the living room thinking where the feck is the dog, looking about a noticed some pictures and started to think who the feck are these people, realising I was sitting in the wrong flat I made a quick exit only to notice about 30 mins later that I had left my phone on the couch lol when I went back the door was locked so had to knock, some young guy came to the door, I had to ask him for my phone, to which he replied why the feck would your phone be in my house. Explained that I was asked to dog sit for my cousin and all the blocks of flats looked the same.

 

:rofl:

 

Best one yet

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 428
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Guest C00l K1d

I said the forth road bridge was a great piece of archaeology tonight :facepalm:

 

What i meant was architecture :facepalm:

 

What i really meant was engineering

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest C00l K1d

What you really meant was the rail bridge.

 

Face it, you failed on several levels.

My word, you're right

 

:facepalm: :facepalm:

 

I've been working hard the day and i'm tired. I'm allowed my blonde moments the night :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was asked to dog sit for my cousin a good few years back

 

so went to there flat and was sitting in the the living room thinking where the feck is the dog, looking about a noticed some pictures and started to think who the feck are these people, realising I was sitting in the wrong flat I made a quick exit only to notice about 30 mins later that I had left my phone on the couch lol when I went back the door was locked so had to knock, some young guy came to the door, I had to ask him for my phone, to which he replied why the feck would your phone be in my house. Explained that I was asked to dog sit for my cousin and all the blocks of flats looked the same.

 

That's tremendous :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

Just pulled up outside my bursds work to pick her up. She text sayin just gives a phone when you're outside.

 

I tooted the horn :facepalm:

 

Sat there for 10 minutes getting more pissed off because she wasn't coming. Then I realised. She's in that big office building. How could she hear my horn?

 

:facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just sprayed deep heat on my inner thigh and my balls are slowly warming up - I could be legitimitely posting here later

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sitting in works van waiting for my wife at shops. Bored, twiddling thumbs, found a cable tie lying in footwell.

 

Picked up the cable tie and started mucking about with it.

 

Looped it through the steering wheel and then put my hand through it and pulled.

 

Handcuffed myself to steering wheel.

 

Wife didn't have scissors, knife, or anything sharp to cut it. Had to bite my way through it which took about 20 mins. Getting some funny looks from passing shoppers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was about 11 or 12 I was round at one on my friend's houses to play the playstation or something along those lines. Between games I see a set of real handcuffs sitting on the sideboard and I ask how he got them etc. He told me one of his relatives was in the police and he'd been given them as a present, but I had to watch because there was no key. Which I assumed was a joke.

 

Later on the two other lads went to the kitchen to get a drink. Naturally, thinking he was joking about the key I thought it would be funny to handcuff myself to the door...

 

Turns out he wasn't joking about the key. Cue 25 minutes of trying to uncuff myself from the door with 2 of our Dads helping. To make things worse the way the door handle was shaped it was impossible to slide them off. Eventually got my hand out by battering the metal bit open with a screwdriver. Absolute nightmare.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

scottish_chicP

Sitting in works van waiting for my wife at shops. Bored, twiddling thumbs, found a cable tie lying in footwell.

 

Picked up the cable tie and started mucking about with it.

 

Looped it through the steering wheel and then put my hand through it and pulled.

 

Handcuffed myself to steering wheel.

 

Wife didn't have scissors, knife, or anything sharp to cut it. Had to bite my way through it which took about 20 mins. Getting some funny looks from passing shoppers.

 

laugh.gif

 

I got my arm stuck in the space on the back of a kitchen chair once. One of those moments you know its going to end badly but you do it anyway. A lot of fairy liquid and one severely bruised elbow later I got free. It's the sheer panic that sets in when you realise you're stuck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I fancied a cuppa and a quick snack, put mince pie in the oven, heated the beans and got my cup of tea ready. Remove red hot pie from the oven, remove beans from heat.remove milk from fridge to put in tea and promptly poured the milk over my mince pie !! yuk :verymad:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sitting in works van waiting for my wife at shops. Bored, twiddling thumbs, found a cable tie lying in footwell.

 

Picked up the cable tie and started mucking about with it.

 

Looped it through the steering wheel and then put my hand through it and pulled.

 

Handcuffed myself to steering wheel.

 

Wife didn't have scissors, knife, or anything sharp to cut it. Had to bite my way through it which took about 20 mins. Getting some funny looks from passing shoppers.

 

Brilliant ! :lol::lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There was this one time I didn't post a story I just shamelessly bumped a thread I was enjoying.

 

How stupid of me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tried to get out my car without taking my seatbelt off first. :vrface:

 

Similar but when I used to use a (non wireless) headset for the phone at work I lost count of the amount of times I tried to get up and walk away from my desk without taking it off :vrface:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kalamazoo Jambo

When I first moved to the US about 11 years ago, I kept on getting into the car, putting my seatbelt on and then realizing there wasn't a steering wheel in front of me.

 

I know someone who has driven off from a petrol pump with the nozzle still in the petrol tank. Twice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I first moved to the US about 11 years ago, I kept on getting into the car, putting my seatbelt on and then realizing there wasn't a steering wheel in front of me.

 

I know someone who has driven off from a petrol pump with the nozzle still in the petrol tank. Twice.

:lol:

 

When I first hired a car in the US, I kept reaching my left hand out to change gear and hitting it against the door. :vrface:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Buffalo Bill

Last September, I was at a countryside wedding, got absolutely smashed, and wandered off to try and buy ciggies. I ended up a ?missing person? for around six hours, when eventually, the police found me wandering through the countryside in the dead of night, still in full kilt mode, but covered in straw and cuts! They were going to arrest me but one policeman thought it was so funny that I ended up getting a lift back to where I was staying.

 

 

Last week, at the Almondvale Shopping Centre, Livingston, I went to sit down on the floor of the mall and lean back against the wall of an empty shop unit (next to Henley?s sweets) so that I could a) park my arse for a minute, and b - talk to my son who was in his buggy at the time. But the ?wall? of the shop wasn?t really a wall at all; it was a sort of polythene sheet and I went right through it, creating a massive bang, and lots of shoppers jumped up and shit themselves at a) the loud bang and b - the sight of me, sprawling about with my legs high in the air. One older woman screamed in shock like ?Oaaahhhh?. I tried to pass it off with red-faced gritted laughter to my son but he just looked as miffed as anyone!

 

 

.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

About a year ago I came out of the Gyle shopping centre and pointed the key at what I thought was my own car ( same make, colour) I thought the key battery must be dead and was about to try manually when I noticed the reg. My own motor was three cars along :huh:

 

A similar one from me, my friend had her new car for about a week with continuous problems when we went into town for a couple of drinks (well she was driving so juice for her) anyway we comes out and she couldn't get the drivers door to unlock, it had unlocked the passenger door though so I jump in and open her door manually, she is raging about yet another problem with the car as I put my seatbelt on then I look up, 'Alex that car in front has the same registration number as you'.

 

Same make,model and colour of car although the one we were sitting in was a few years older and an estate.

 

:whistling:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My cousin is a liability and I have no idea how he now manages to live on his own, when he lived at home it was guaranteed that when my aunt & uncle went on holiday that they would come back to some kind of new appliance because he had done something stupid!

 

Some of his better/more expensive ones were

 

New microwave (quite a new thing at the time and this one was built into the kitchen units) after heating up soup, still in the can!

 

New fridge/freezer (also built in) after putting a glass bottle of cream soda in the freezer, then when it exploded he tried to scrape off the ice/glass on the inside of the freezer with a bread knife that went straight through the side!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

joe.gausden

 

 

Last week, at the Almondvale Shopping Centre, Livingston, I went to sit down on the floor of the mall and lean back against the wall of an empty shop unit (next to Henley?s sweets) so that I could a) park my arse for a minute, and b - talk to my son who was in his buggy at the time. But the ?wall? of the shop wasn?t really a wall at all; it was a sort of polythene sheet and I went right through it, creating a massive bang, and lots of shoppers jumped up and shit themselves at a) the loud bang and b - the sight of me, sprawling about with my legs high in the air. One older woman screamed in shock like ?Oaaahhhh?. I tried to pass it off with red-faced gritted laughter to my son but he just looked as miffed as anyone!

 

 

.

 

:lol: Brilliant

Link to comment
Share on other sites

joe.gausden

Was at an evening wedding reception at the hotel in Musselburgh across from the racecourse.

 

 

 

Was pretty impressed with the huge turnout in the hall as i made my way to the bar......................only to walk head first into a mirrored wall :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

fabienleclerq

Just remembered another one....

 

Was at a bar in Queensferry thats toilets are downstairs, i was trapped at a big table of people so put off going till i was bursting.

Eventually i had to get up and go, squeezed out and went for the stairs then noticed the disabled toilet and thought feck it ill nip in there.So finishes my pee and im looking for the flush(fancy toilet flat to the wall) also a bit pished, cant see it but theres a red cord hanging next to it,Must be it.Pulled the cord and the alarm starts going off!! so i bolt out and sit down pretending nothing happened and a guy comes sprinting through to the toilet to save me!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just remembered another one....

 

Was at a bar in Queensferry thats toilets are downstairs, i was trapped at a big table of people so put off going till i was bursting.

Eventually i had to get up and go, squeezed out and went for the stairs then noticed the disabled toilet and thought feck it ill nip in there.So finishes my pee and im looking for the flush(fancy toilet flat to the wall) also a bit pished, cant see it but theres a red cord hanging next to it,Must be it.Pulled the cord and the alarm starts going off!! so i bolt out and sit down pretending nothing happened and a guy comes sprinting through to the toilet to save me!!

 

Haha you tit.

 

I work there, happens pretty much every couple of weeks, occasionally doddery old fools, occasionally pissheads.

 

Which one are you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you try to use your dishwasher with fairy liquid? :lol:

I've done that. :huh:

 

Yup. Seemed the sensible thing to do when the tablets ran out.

It wasn't though. Baaaad plan.

 

sad.gif

 

This is the picture taken after I'd contained the worst of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yup. Seemed the sensible thing to do when the tablets ran out.

It wasn't though. Baaaad plan.

 

sad.gif

 

This is the picture taken after I'd contained the worst of it.

 

I did that with clothes in a washing machine.

The 6ft foam monster that came oozing out of the door seals and tablet tray was pretty cool though. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kalamazoo Jambo

Yup. Seemed the sensible thing to do when the tablets ran out.

 

 

 

Think you better get back on the tablets :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Captain Price

At Download this year, while on a ridiculous amount of drugs alcohol, I spent half a night in someone elses tent. I didn't know them. I walked into what I thought was my tent and started speaking to the people inside them thinking it was my friend. About 3 hours later I got a phonecall from my mate and I said to the people/person in my tent "why are you phoning me?" Thinking he was in the tent.

 

Good times.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

I was out with the mrs one night at Bar Rev. I was hammered. Proper hammered. We got outside and she said to me "can I use your phone? I'll see if I can get my sister to pick us up."

 

I said aye, but for some ridiculous reason, when she took the phone off me I started screaming, shouting and pretty much called her a thief. "she stole me phone!! She's a thief! Somebody please help!"

 

And then, for another ridiculous reason... I bolted. Really sprinted away from her.

 

My friend who passed me on a bus outside the commy pool, phoned my phone, which my girlfriend still had and asked her why I was swinging round a lamp-post with my rousers pulled down. By the time she got there I was gone. I disappeared for an hour so. Her and my mum driving about Edinburgh and the Lothians looking for me. Somehow I ended up back at her house banging on the door, she was still up town lookin for me.

 

Her neighbour came running out, asking if I was ok. I said "yeah, I'm fine my girlfriends sleeping but I've phoned her she's coming down to open the door." I then went to get my phone out my pocket, which of course, I didnt have.

 

"shit someone's stole my phone!! Help what am I going to do!" absolute tool of a laddie :facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Spent an hour on George St looking for my car.moments before calling it quits and reporting it stolen I remembered that I had borrowed my dads car that day. Fekkin thing was right I'm front of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Matthew Le Tissier

When I was working in a garage When I was working in a garage I came into work still half pished. Someone brings in a pegiout (sp) its one of the ones with hubcaps and the fake plastic wheel nuts.

Me being worse for where still fires up the air gun and proced in taking the plastic bit off. Shite myself thinking ive somehow sheered the nut off. I put the gun down nd here the plastic bit drop out and my colluges pishing themselves laughing :facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

When I was working in a garage When I was working in a garage I came into work still half pished. Someone brings in a pegiout (sp) its one of the ones with hubcaps and the fake plastic wheel nuts.

Me being worse for where still fires up the air gun and proced in taking the plastic bit off. Shite myself thinking ive somehow sheered the nut off. I put the gun down nd here the plastic bit drop out and my colluges pishing themselves laughing :facepalm:

 

Funny how when you were working in a garage, you were in actual fact, working in a garage :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Matthew Le Tissier

Funny how when you were working in a garage, you were in actual fact, working in a garage :lol:

Fecking phone :seething:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

fabienleclerq

Haha you tit.

 

I work there, happens pretty much every couple of weeks, occasionally doddery old fools, occasionally pissheads.

 

Which one are you?

The latter :facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC

I was out with the mrs one night at Bar Rev. I was hammered. Proper hammered. We got outside and she said to me "can I use your phone? I'll see if I can get my sister to pick us up."

 

I said aye, but for some ridiculous reason, when she took the phone off me I started screaming, shouting and pretty much called her a thief. "she stole me phone!! She's a thief! Somebody please help!"

 

And then, for another ridiculous reason... I bolted. Really sprinted away from her.

 

My friend who passed me on a bus outside the commy pool, phoned my phone, which my girlfriend still had and asked her why I was swinging round a lamp-post with my rousers pulled down. By the time she got there I was gone. I disappeared for an hour so. Her and my mum driving about Edinburgh and the Lothians looking for me. Somehow I ended up back at her house banging on the door, she was still up town lookin for me.

 

Her neighbour came running out, asking if I was ok. I said "yeah, I'm fine my girlfriends sleeping but I've phoned her she's coming down to open the door." I then went to get my phone out my pocket, which of course, I didnt have.

 

"shit someone's stole my phone!! Help what am I going to do!" absolute tool of a laddie :facepalm:

 

 

:rofl: :rofl:

 

You must be like me when I'm hammered, nothing seems to make sense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was out with the mrs one night at Bar Rev. I was hammered. Proper hammered. We got outside and she said to me "can I use your phone? I'll see if I can get my sister to pick us up."

 

I said aye, but for some ridiculous reason, when she took the phone off me I started screaming, shouting and pretty much called her a thief. "she stole me phone!! She's a thief! Somebody please help!"

 

And then, for another ridiculous reason... I bolted. Really sprinted away from her.

 

My friend who passed me on a bus outside the commy pool, phoned my phone, which my girlfriend still had and asked her why I was swinging round a lamp-post with my rousers pulled down. By the time she got there I was gone. I disappeared for an hour so. Her and my mum driving about Edinburgh and the Lothians looking for me. Somehow I ended up back at her house banging on the door, she was still up town lookin for me.

 

Her neighbour came running out, asking if I was ok. I said "yeah, I'm fine my girlfriends sleeping but I've phoned her she's coming down to open the door." I then went to get my phone out my pocket, which of course, I didnt have.

 

"shit someone's stole my phone!! Help what am I going to do!" absolute tool of a laddie :facepalm:

 

LMAO, wtf?

i'm guessing she's no longer your girlfriend haha

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

Nope. Fianc?e :verysmug:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I fear every day that shell leave me :sob:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I first moved to the US about 11 years ago, I kept on getting into the car, putting my seatbelt on and then realizing there wasn't a steering wheel in front of me.

 

I know someone who has driven off from a petrol pump with the nozzle still in the petrol tank. Twice.

 

Not quite the same, but for some reason having driven for nigh on 10 years, I went through a spell where I forgot to shut the cap on my petrol tank after topping up.

 

Three times in a couple of months having never done it before.

 

:facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Matthew Le Tissier

When we were in France my dad pulled out the garage and started going the wrong way. Thankfully it was a quiet road.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not quite the same, but for some reason having driven for nigh on 10 years, I went through a spell where I forgot to shut the cap on my petrol tank after topping up.

 

Three times in a couple of months having never done it before.

 

:facepalm:

Same here. Utterly bazarre. The worst time was when I'd just fueled up and was leaving Las Vegas. The guy behind me was beeping and flashing his lights at me, so I pulled over to the hard shoulder to sort it out. :vrface:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have too many stupid moments to tell but heres one...

My mum and dad recently bought a new house, our last 2 have always just been on one floor and had some1 living underneath us. Anyway, this particular house they bought is an up-stairs and down-stairs house. And my first question to her was "i know where the attic was in the last 2 houses but wheres the attic in this house. Is it up stairs or downstairs?" Mum just looked at me in disgust and laughed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Future's Maroon

So many brilliant tales in this thread....classic in the making.

 

The one about trying to get out the car with the seatbelt still on....I dunno why but I was actually sitting acting it out and laughing my ass off :rofl:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So many brilliant tales in this thread....classic in the making.

 

The one about trying to get out the car with the seatbelt still on....I dunno why but I was actually sitting acting it out and laughing my ass off :rofl:

:lol:

I'm glad no one saw me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was carrying my works laptop and some paperwork to the car while on the phone at the same time. When I reached the car, i finished my phonecall and placed the phone on top of the car as I raked in pockets for keys etc while still holding laptop.

 

I found said keys and opened the back doors of the car, placing the laptop and paperwork in the back before driving off. When i got home I was away to text someone and wondered where my phone was before reliasing i hadnt taken it off the top of the car. Drove back and found it in a million pieces. :verymad:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.




×
×
  • Create New...