depression

[CavySlaveJambo]

I'm currently studying stress/depression in my Psychology course at college. I

 

Cultivate supportive relationships -

 

Challenge Negative Thinking -

 

Taking Care of Yourself -

Aim for 8 hours of sleep each night. Depression is often caused by your sleeping times, whether that be too little or too much.

Expose yourself to sunlight.

 

Exercise

 

Healthy Diet -

 

 

Sounds Like a everything will work the same for everyone solution.

I hate them because they don't work that well for everyone. But some people (even Health Care Pros *cough*Sleep Hygiene *cough*) expect them to work for everyone.

 

8 hours sleep for me means I am overtired and if I am overtired I don't cope with day-to-day life/Activities of Daily Living.

Edited November 6, 2012 by CavySlaveJambo

[Guest GhostHunter]

I force myself up every morning at 0245 and get to the gym for an hour before work...whether it's a fallacy or not, exercise has helped me loads.

 

Instead of a mildly anxiety ridden wreck, now I'm a mildly fit and permanently tired wreck all the time.

 

[gordiegords]

Where do you go, Gordie?

 

(If you dont mind)

 

 

I go here.

 

www.cclothian.org.uk/

Counselling Lothian. 9a Dundas Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6QG,. Tel: 0131 556 1527. Fax: 0131 ...

 

[Chester™]

8 hours sleep for me means I am overtired and if I am overtired I don't cope with day-to-day life/Activities of Daily Living.

 

Back to my sleepytime calculator earlier. 8 hours is in the middle of a sleep cycle. Try for 9 and see how you feel.

[davemclaren]

I force myself up every morning at 0245 and get to the gym for an hour before work...whether it's a fallacy or not, exercise has helped me loads.

 

Instead of a mildly anxiety ridden wreck, now I'm a mildly fit and permanently tired wreck all the time.

 

 

2:45? good god!

[Primavera]

I can personally vouch for this. Despite the fact pride in my appearance (or superficiality) has always been one of my attributes, (go on then, fill your boots) I would inexplicably become "nervous" / "agitated" when it came time to perform even the most mundane tasks. Got to the stage, I couldn't be ersed ironing anything, shaving only every other day, things like that.

Then there were the thoughts. For as long as I can remember, I've never exactly been mr. positive, but about a year ago at this time, I began dwelling almost constantly, on the negative.

 

Anyway, I've been on meds, now, since about February past (just the one at night and one in the am) and they have certainly helped me. I'm still a miserable kant, but, for the most part at least, I don't feel as if I'm drowning in it.

 

I used to get this in spades, the hair a state, unshaved, wearing horrible clothes, but the worst part for me was an inability to open mail, I just couldnt do it. This led to unpaid credit cards, road tax, being overdrawn, a total financial mess. I even missed out on getting a council house once. When you're already depressed this is a real kicker. I think it cost me several thousand pounds over the periods of depression I had and there were times where I couldnt get new credit cards or bank loans because my credit rating was trashed. Thankfully I dont have the same issue with online banking so even if I do get depressed again I should be able to keep the finances straight. If I could rewind the clock I would have given control of my finances to my gf/wife but I hid a lot of this from her early on as it would have meant actually admitting I was ill.

 

Now that I'm much more self-aware about depression the unopened mail is like a traffic light that something is wrong. As soon I start to ignore it I know that I have to act quickly to avoid a bout of depression and I think this has been key to me staying fairly healthy for the past few years. It also has something of a placebo effect in that when I manage to open the mail after a wobble I feel like I'm Rudi banging in a hat-trick, it really feels like a huge acheivement to overcome the hurdle. It might help other folk if they try and work out what their early warning signals are so they can attempt to nip it in the bud.

[Uncle Buck]

 

 

Sounds Like a everything will work the same for everyone solution.

I hate them because they don't work that well for everyone. But some people (even Health Care Pros *cough*Sleep Hygiene *cough*) expect them to work for everyone.

 

8 hours sleep for me means I am overtired and if I am overtired I don't cope with day-to-day life/Activities of Daily Living.

 

I'm not saying it works for everyone, I'm just trying to help a bit. But I put quite a lot of information in my post so that if something doesn't work for you, try something else.

 

Whoever said challenge negative thinking by writing it down is a good idea. Then when you're in a bit of a better mood you can look back and ask yourself 'Was it really worth it?' or 'Would I say this to someone else?'

 

Could help.

[Sten Guns]

 

I force myself up every morning at 0245 and get to the gym for an hour before work...whether it's a fallacy or not, exercise has helped me loads.

 

Instead of a mildly anxiety ridden wreck, now I'm a mildly fit and permanently tired wreck all the time.

 

 

That is unbelievably impressively. Great effort.

[Shapes]

The thing that I find gets to me the most is that I can't ever place what triggers the bouts. I could have all the reasons in the world to be happy but instead I won't be able to shake the feeling of feeling really down, unmotivated about life and just wanting to curl up in bed. But I can never place exactly what is making me feel like that.

[gordiegords]

The thing that I find gets to me the most is that I can't ever place what triggers the bouts. I could have all the reasons in the world to be happy but instead I won't be able to shake the feeling of feeling really down, unmotivated about life and just wanting to curl up in bed. But I can never place exactly what is making me feel like that.

 

If you explore therapy especially cbt it can help you find out what triggers these feelings, I don't know you personally so don't think I'm judging, I know for me I had plenty reasons why I should be happy but when I took a journey into self I now realise why I wasn't and also what I can do to help it.

[Chris Benoit]

This threads been quite an eye opener and made me think about a few things.

 

Money's tight at the moment, don't really exercise aside from some exertion at work, diets not the best, used to dread going to work.*

 

Thing is I'm as happy as I've ever been and one thing I've realised and it wasn't even a conscious decision is that I never drink much if at all these days. Thinking over the past year aside from once on holiday, my mates stag do and another friends wedding I've not got drunk and even on those occasions it's been a case of getting merry and then cutting down. When I was younger I was drinking 4/5/6 days a week and I would have spells where I got really down but never really thought about it possibly being depression. Thing was back then had no commitments or anything to really worry about and it just got me thinking if it was down to the drink?

 

Just like to add I wasn't getting pissed every night back then but was almost always getting shit faced each Fri/Sat/Sun.

 

*Work has actually got better recently, there was some changes to the departments and the work I do now I find much more enjoyable and I'm getting on well with the guy I'm working with (even though he's a hun )

[Sergio Garcia]

This threads been quite an eye opener and made me think about a few things.

 

Money's tight at the moment, don't really exercise aside from some exertion at work, diets not the best, used to dread going to work.*

 

Thing is I'm as happy as I've ever been and one thing I've realised and it wasn't even a conscious decision is that I never drink much if at all these days. Thinking over the past year aside from once on holiday, my mates stag do and another friends wedding I've not got drunk and even on those occasions it's been a case of getting merry and then cutting down. When I was younger I was drinking 4/5/6 days a week and I would have spells where I got really down but never really thought about it possibly being depression. Thing was back then had no commitments or anything to really worry about and it just got me thinking if it was down to the drink?

 

Just like to add I wasn't getting pissed every night back then but was almost always getting shit faced each Fri/Sat/Sun.

 

*Work has actually got better recently, there was some changes to the departments and the work I do now I find much more enjoyable and I'm getting on well with the guy I'm working with (even though he's a hun )

 

I agree with you to a certain extent on the drink thing, I used to have a few pints most nights and big sessions at the weekend, now I maybe have a few pints one midweek night and then one night out at the weekend and am feeling a lot better and happier within myself. The drinking less wasn't a conscious decision just sorta happened which has helped me do more exercise, more energy less hangover.

 

Add in that I do much more exercise now (usually exercising every day now) than I used to (7s once a week and walking most places was my previous exercise regime) and changing jobs means I am on my feet moving more instead of sitting behind a desk all day.

 

The ironic thing now is that I am not in as well paying job as I used to be or in the position in my life that I was when I was at my lowest point of the depression but I am quite content in myself these days. The bad bouts are shorter and less frequent than before and although I am fully aware they can be around the corner at any time I feel much better equipped to deal with them. Recently I have had 3 bits of information that would have sent me on a downward spiral in previous times but they didn't phase me at all.

 

As someone said above dealing with depression can be trial and error at times, what works for me may not work for the next person but talking about it is the biggest and most important step. As this thread shows it will help you immediately as you realise how common it is which removes some of the stigma.

[CavySlaveJambo]

The thing that I find gets to me the most is that I can't ever place what triggers the bouts. I could have all the reasons in the world to be happy but instead I won't be able to shake the feeling of feeling really down, unmotivated about life and just wanting to curl up in bed. But I can never place exactly what is making me feel like that.

 

Not all depression is situational/triggered. In some cases their is a biochemical reasoning behind it.

[Budgie.]

 

 

Not all depression is situational/triggered. In some cases their is a biochemical reasoning behind it.

 

Yeah, it can also be seasonal or hereditary.

[Jezza]

Doctors wanted me to go on anti depressants today funnily (or not) enough I didn't want too so it's a sedative before bed and some music I'm to download to listen to to help sleep.

 

Keep getting this explosion thing happening in my head again when I try to fall off and things at home are defo getting on top too much just now also. It's hard to he strong when the people that are usually strongest for you aren't able to do that.

 

Anyway night all.

[Hansel]

Anyone here work night shifts? I notice that my mood takes a bit of a bashing when I'm on nights.

 

Lose all motivation and become super withdrawn. Find it difficult to think clearly and conversation is a chore.

 

Not good when you're working in mental health. It's like the blind leading the blind when I'm on nights.

[Chester™]

Anyone here work night shifts? I notice that my mood takes a bit of a bashing when I'm on nights.

 

Lose all motivation and become super withdrawn. Find it difficult to think clearly and conversation is a chore.

 

Not good when you're working in mental health. It's like the blind leading the blind when I'm on nights.

 

I do and I have a history of mental health problems. I cant say I've found much of a difference. I dont know why. Its possibly getting lots of sleep or making sure I get up early on my days off to see some daylight and make the most of them. I really cant say why?

[loveofthegame]

I'm happy to admit I was firmly in the "pull yourself together camp" as a teenager. I used to hear about depression suffered by people at school/family friends and wonder what the hell people where all about "cheer up" "get a grip" being the most common phrases that sprung to mind.

 

However that all changed when, aged about 19 and while at uni, began to suffer from crippling panic attacks. To me, someone like "me" couldn't suffer from mental illness - played football at a high level, studying a great degree, amazing family, friends and g/f around me - it just didn't seem possible. But it happened.

 

I was genuinely convinced that my heart was packing in, and symptoms were so so real - palpitations, pins and needles down my left arm, pain and a feeling of utter dread. These weren't imaginary symptoms, they were all really happening. The ONLY thing that made me feel better and got completely rid of the symptoms was alcohol - and as a student there was no shortage of it!The downside of this was that the symptoms were much worse with a hangover - a vicious cycle. I was trying to get on with life but ended up in A&E suffering heart attack like symptoms on numerous occassions (I even ended up in the first aid room at Tynie once on a heart monitor). Life was a nightmare, i missed university, i missed all sorts of family/friend things and it got me down. I ended up having to move home from living with mates as I couldn't handle it anymore. The problem with suffering from something like panic attacks is that the feelings can quickly spiral into depression as you struggle with the "what the hell is wrong with me" thoughts (I was pretty down at times but would never really have considered myself to be suffering from proper depression - i can very much see how it could happen though).

 

Countless doctors appointments ensued - my doctor, a really decent young lad who i got on well with, clearly knew from early on that these symptoms were in my head - however convincing me of this was not quite so easy.

 

To cut a long story short, after a year of utter hell, i started to get it sorted. I can't even really explain how, it just started happening. Slowly, i started to get it together. To me, the single most important thing was having an incredibly supportive family and g/f. They stuck by me throughout and NEVER treated me like i was being an idiot, not once telling me to "pull myself together". It was an incredibly, incredibly tough battle - far harder than i can really get over on here.

 

I can happily say that, 5 years on, I am as good as completely "cured" - i havent suffered a panic attack since. I have however been left with some lasting "symptoms" - i now find myself a bit of a hypochondriac, and with a bad hangover I still find myself "anxious" and need to calm myself down at times. I've learnt to control my breathing, which may sound minor but is incredibly helpful and important in combatting panic attacks.

 

I've done a lot of looking into panic attacks and mental illness since i suffered from it, and the one thing that sticks out more than anything is HOW MANY PEOPLE SUFFER - it's something i was completely oblivious too until then. However, the more I spoke about it to friends/looked into it, the more people said "I actually get something similar"/"my girlfriend suffers the same" etc - the most important thing to realise is you are far far from being alone. There are people out there everywhere suffering from similar. Mental illness is not the taboo it once was, and the only way to deal with it is to seek help. It is far far less likely to go away on its own. I would add that alcohol and drugs only make things worse and are certainly not a cure!!

 

The reason i posted this is to try and highlight that really anyone can suffer, and that while there is no miracle cure, it can get better and be controlled. It is also to try to state to anyone who finds it funny to slag mental illness (i was one of these people) that it is incredibly real, and something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

Anyway, there's my story...

Edited November 7, 2012 by loveofthegame

[Hansel]

 

 

I do and I have a history of mental health problems. I cant say I've found much of a difference. I dont know why. Its possibly getting lots of sleep or making sure I get up early on my days off to see some daylight and make the most of them. I really cant say why?

Maybe it's down to my work environment. It involves a lot of sitting about on night shift. Try and keep myself occupied with DVDs, games etc, but doing this every night for 7 nights is a bit soul destroying.

 

I love my job during the day though, so I'm happy to put up with nights when it's my turn to do them. The worst thing about nights is adjusting to days after completing a set. Takes me the best part of a week to get back to normal again.

 

Good money though

[Hansel]

I'm happy to admit I was firmly in the "pull yourself together camp" as a teenager. I used to hear about depression suffered by people at school/family friends and wonder what the hell people where all about "cheer up" "get a grip" being the most common phrases that sprung to mind.

 

However that all changed when, aged about 19 and while at uni, began to suffer from crippling panic attacks. To me, someone like "me" couldn't suffer from mental illness - played football at a high level, studying a great degree, amazing family, friends and g/f around me - it just didn't seem possible. But it happened.

 

I was genuinely convinced that my heart was packing in, and symptoms were so so real - palpitations, pins and needles down my left arm, pain and a feeling of utter dread. These weren't imaginary symptoms, they were all really happening. The ONLY thing that made me feel better and got completely rid of the symptoms was alcohol - and as a student there was no shortage of it!The downside of this was that the symptoms were much worse with a hangover - a vicious cycle. I was trying to get on with life but ended up in A&E suffering heart attack like symptoms on numerous occassions (I even ended up in the first aid room at Tynie once on a heart monitor). Life was a nightmare, i missed university, i missed all sorts of family/friend things and it got me down. I ended up having to move home from living with mates as I couldn't handle it anymore. The problem with suffering from something like panic attacks is that the feelings can quickly spiral into depression as you struggle with the "what the hell is wrong with me" thoughts (I was pretty down at times but would never really have considered myself to be suffering from proper depression - i can very much see how it could happen though).

 

Countless doctors appointments ensued - my doctor, a really decent young lad who i got on well with, clearly knew from early on that these symptoms were in my head - however convincing me of this was not quite so easy.

 

To cut a long story short, after a year of utter hell, i started to get it sorted. I can't even really explain how, it just started happening. Slowly, i started to get it together. To me, the single most important thing was having an incredibly supportive family and g/f. They stuck by me throughout and NEVER treated me like i was being an idiot, not once telling me to "pull myself together". It was an incredibly, incredibly tough battle - far harder than i can really get over on here.

 

I can happily say that, 5 years on, I am as good as completely "cured" - i havent suffered a panic attack since. I have however been left with some lasting "symptoms" - i now find myself a bit of a hypochondriac, and with a bad hangover I still find myself "anxious" and need to calm myself down at times. I've learnt to control my breathing, which may sound minor but is incredibly helpful and important in combatting panic attacks.

 

I've done a lot of looking into panic attacks and mental illness since i suffered from it, and the one thing that sticks out more than anything is HOW MANY PEOPLE SUFFER - it's something i was completely oblivious too until then. However, the more I spoke about it to friends/looked into it, the more people said "I actually get something similar"/"my girlfriend suffers the same" etc - the most important thing to realise is you are far far from being alone. There are people out there everywhere suffering from similar. Mental illness is not the taboo it once was, and the only way to deal with it is to seek help. It is far far less likely to go away on its own. I would add that alcohol and drugs only make things worse and are certainly not a cure!!

 

The reason i posted this is to try and highlight that really anyone can suffer, and that while there is no miracle cure, it can get better and be controlled. It is also to try to state to anyone who finds it funny to slag mental illness (i was one of these people) that it is incredibly real, and something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

Anyway, there's my story...

Good post mate. Glad you're ok now. I had panic attacks when I was in my early 20s, which was caused by stress at work and smoking weed, but it wasn't as bad as what your's sounded. I don't touch weed now and I've got a better job so it seems to have done the trick. Although, I sometimes feel a bit panicky if I'm watching a surgical procedure on TV.

 

As you say, breathing techniques help a lot, and knowing that I can't die from a panic attack, helps to de-escalate the feeling of panic until the feeling passes.

 

 

[Shapes]

Really good post loveofthegame. I find that my panic attacks are a lot more frequent when I am feeling really down. I could go for months without having one then I could have three or four within a couple of weeks. I have hypoglycaemia and the tendency to almost pass out and I find that can trigger my panic attacks because I feel embarrassed and like everyone is looking at me. It's not a nice thing but I've learnt to control my breathing when I am having one and they dont seem as bad anymore.

[Chester™]

Maybe it's down to my work environment. It involves a lot of sitting about on night shift. Try and keep myself occupied with DVDs, games etc, but doing this every night for 7 nights is a bit soul destroying.

 

I love my job during the day though, so I'm happy to put up with nights when it's my turn to do them. The worst thing about nights is adjusting to days after completing a set. Takes me the best part of a week to get back to normal again.

 

Good money though

 

I wonder if its because you are 'chopping and changing'? I'm permanently on nights just now and I certainly feel better doing it continuously than when I did the odd run of nights before or after days.

[Marvin]

This threads been quite an eye opener and made me think about a few things.

 

Money's tight at the moment, don't really exercise aside from some exertion at work, diets not the best, used to dread going to work.*

 

Thing is I'm as happy as I've ever been and one thing I've realised and it wasn't even a conscious decision is that I never drink much if at all these days. Thinking over the past year aside from once on holiday, my mates stag do and another friends wedding I've not got drunk and even on those occasions it's been a case of getting merry and then cutting down. When I was younger I was drinking 4/5/6 days a week and I would have spells where I got really down but never really thought about it possibly being depression. Thing was back then had no commitments or anything to really worry about and it just got me thinking if it was down to the drink?

 

Just like to add I wasn't getting pissed every night back then but was almost always getting shit faced each Fri/Sat/Sun.

 

*Work has actually got better recently, there was some changes to the departments and the work I do now I find much more enjoyable and I'm getting on well with the guy I'm working with (even though he's a hun )

 

 

Reading your post got me remembering that I used to dread going to work until I walked out on my job and moved down South.... now I dread coming home from work as my latest relationship ended as quickly as it started (thats a record for me) and theres feck all worse than coming home after a stressful day to an empty flat Although not "depressed" I have been diagnosed with a mild anxiety.

[peter_hmfc]

Opened up to my supposed "friends" (don't see them outside of college, but they were the closest I had) about how I was depressed... they ditched me and are now noticably actively avoiding me like I'm some kind of puppy killer.

 

Honestly can't make friends at all, no matter how much I try, other at college, work, volunteering. It's never going to happen and I'm already preparing for yet another Xmas alone, which will do to my confidence what the Nazis did during the Blitz.

 

Might sound like an exaggeration but I see no point in living thinking other people seem to see you as complete and utter scum or just a nobody, and knowing if I was on my deathbed, not one single person would stop by to see me. Saw a newspaper article talking about people who die then only about 4 people turn up (all family to who it's pretty compulsory). Despite 21 years of being nice, friendly etc to people, that'll be me when I die.

Edited November 12, 2012 by peter_hmfc

[John McClure]

Opened up to my supposed "friends" (don't see them outside of college, but they were the closest I had) about how I was depressed... they ditched me and are now noticably actively avoiding me like I'm some kind of puppy killer.

 

Honestly can't make friends at all, no matter how much I try, other at college, work, volunteering. It's never going to happen and I'm already preparing for yet another Xmas alone, which will do to my confidence what the Nazis did during the Blitz.

 

Might sound like an exaggeration but I see no point in living thinking other people seem to see you as complete and utter scum or just a nobody, and knowing if I was on my deathbed, not one single person would stop by to see me. Saw a newspaper article talking about people who die then only about 4 people turn up (all family to who it's pretty compulsory). Despite 21 years of being nice, friendly etc to people, that'll be me when I die.

 

Where, or what did you do volunteering? I used to do a bit of Hospital Radio when i was younger

[peter_hmfc]

Where, or what did you do volunteering? I used to do a bit of Hospital Radio when i was younger

 

Just a usual charity shop kind of volunteering. Also volunteered for a breakfast programme at a church on Sundays, but now I'm busy most weekends as I have a PT job. Also pretty much all of the other volunteers there were old women, so no real chance of making friends there.

Edited November 12, 2012 by peter_hmfc

[John McClure]

Just a usual charity shop kind of volunteering. Also volunteered for a breakfast programme at a church on Sundays, but now I'm busy most weekends as I have a PT job. Also pretty much all of the other volunteers there were old women, so no real chance of making friends there.

 

Good on you mate, theres not many 21 year olds would do that kind of thing. Like i said, i used to do Hospital Radio when i was younger. Used to do a Sunday night with a guy called Tommy who was a massive Jambo, coincidently

 

It was good fun and gave me barrels of confidence, we used to have to produce and present a two hour show, as well as visit wards in the hospital gathering requests from patients, something i would never in a million years have thought as rewarding and entertaining as it actually was. Doing the radio bit was fun, talking bollocks, making up competitions, playing tunes, learned alot about music, but meeting patients was the best bit. As i say, gave me loads of confidence and brought me on

[Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC]

Opened up to my supposed "friends" (don't see them outside of college, but they were the closest I had) about how I was depressed... they ditched me and are now noticably actively avoiding me like I'm some kind of puppy killer.

 

Honestly can't make friends at all, no matter how much I try, other at college, work, volunteering. It's never going to happen and I'm already preparing for yet another Xmas alone, which will do to my confidence what the Nazis did during the Blitz.

 

Might sound like an exaggeration but I see no point in living thinking other people seem to see you as complete and utter scum or just a nobody, and knowing if I was on my deathbed, not one single person would stop by to see me. Saw a newspaper article talking about people who die then only about 4 people turn up (all family to who it's pretty compulsory). Despite 21 years of being nice, friendly etc to people, that'll be me when I die.

 

Christ mate, it's heart breaking that you feel that way.

 

First off, they deffo weren't mates if they reacted like that ... bellends most likely.

 

You sound like you are a guy with a good heart, don't beat yourself up. What are your work pals like? Just keep yourself active and involved in different things and you'll meet the right folk one day man. The world has about 5 billion people in it, don't believe everyone hates you because of a few welts. It's simply not true.

 

Dunno if you are any good at sports, getting involved in a football team etc is a great way to make mates.

 

Chin up fella.

[Barney Rubble]

Like someone else has said a bit of an eye opener this thread as ive been battling similiar feelings for years , ive been on and off anti depressants as i dont think they we,re a help to me , and i used to exercise like a demon in the false hope that i would create more endorphins in my brain to keep me out of the darkness , but then i would start to think that the excessive exercise was making me even more anxious , anyway what helped me most was talking and i really suggest counselling as a way to combat depression as it gives you an opportunity to strip your emotions right back with someone whos trained , i would also suggest comedy clubs shows and programmes as sometimes you can forget how to laugh and even better if you can laugh at yourself which i know sounds strange when youre having a whole load of self concious issues but it does work and once you start liking yourself its easier for others to like you . .

[gordiegords]

Like someone else has said a bit of an eye opener this thread as ive been battling similiar feelings for years , ive been on and off anti depressants as i dont think they we,re a help to me , and i used to exercise like a demon in the false hope that i would create more endorphins in my brain to keep me out of the darkness , but then i would start to think that the excessive exercise was making me even more anxious , anyway what helped me most was talking and i really suggest counselling as a way to combat depression as it gives you an opportunity to strip your emotions right back with someone whos trained , i would also suggest comedy clubs shows and programmes as sometimes you can forget how to laugh and even better if you can laugh at yourself which i know sounds strange when youre having a whole load of self concious issues but it does work and once you start liking yourself its easier for others to like you . .

 

Good points in there.

[gordiegords]

Opened up to my supposed "friends" (don't see them outside of college, but they were the closest I had) about how I was depressed... they ditched me and are now noticably actively avoiding me like I'm some kind of puppy killer.

 

Honestly can't make friends at all, no matter how much I try, other at college, work, volunteering. It's never going to happen and I'm already preparing for yet another Xmas alone, which will do to my confidence what the Nazis did during the Blitz.

 

Might sound like an exaggeration but I see no point in living thinking other people seem to see you as complete and utter scum or just a nobody, and knowing if I was on my deathbed, not one single person would stop by to see me. Saw a newspaper article talking about people who die then only about 4 people turn up (all family to who it's pretty compulsory). Despite 21 years of being nice, friendly etc to people, that'll be me when I die.

 

They were defo not friends man.

[shaun.lawson]

Opened up to my supposed "friends" (don't see them outside of college, but they were the closest I had) about how I was depressed... they ditched me and are now noticably actively avoiding me like I'm some kind of puppy killer.

 

Honestly can't make friends at all, no matter how much I try, other at college, work, volunteering. It's never going to happen and I'm already preparing for yet another Xmas alone, which will do to my confidence what the Nazis did during the Blitz.

 

Might sound like an exaggeration but I see no point in living thinking other people seem to see you as complete and utter scum or just a nobody, and knowing if I was on my deathbed, not one single person would stop by to see me. Saw a newspaper article talking about people who die then only about 4 people turn up (all family to who it's pretty compulsory). Despite 21 years of being nice, friendly etc to people, that'll be me when I die.

 

Peter, as others have said, they weren't 'friends'. They sound like utter, utter arseholes, and you are much better off without people like that in your life.

 

But your thought processes, mate... they're at fault here. I strongly recommend you get along to your GP and ask for cognitive therapy. That'll help you start accepting yourself for who you are and slowly rid yourself of negative thoughts. Negative thoughts begin as seeds in our brain. In no time, they've sprouted arms, legs, you name it - meaning we forget they're just thoughts, and assume they're who we are. They're not. They're just thoughts.

 

Volunteering is a great idea. So would sport be. And more than that, so would something for you to focus on and put your energies into for the future. You need a goal. You've mentioned you're at college: doing what subject, if you don't mind my asking? And more to the point: what career do you want to do? What are you passionate about and/or talented at? Oh, and don't you dare answer "nothing": there will be something, I promise. There is for everyone if we look deep enough inside ourselves.

 

But crumbs - you're 21 man! You have your whole life ahead of you - and you owe it to yourself not to give up, not to resign or die inside, but give it your best shot. If you do, my best guess is that in a few years, you'll be laughing; and those so-called friends will be total dead end nobodies.

Edited November 13, 2012 by shaun.lawson

[peter_hmfc]

To John McLure, that sounds great and really fun but due o nerves I don?t think I?d be able to handle it personally. Of course I do need the confidence but I think that sort of thing would be out of my reach.

 

To Alan Partridge, yer, it?s pretty depressing. The people at work are fine, it?s just I can never be anything more than that guy you see, walk past, say ?Awright.?, then that?s the end of it. They seem like nice people, I just can?t seem to get ?in?, if you know what I mean. I?ve considered going to other activites, sports, clubs, social groups etc, but due to being at college, studying and working part time, that doesn?t leave much time. I?m useless at football (once scored a 30 yard volley into hockey goals though, yas), and I?m 21 so at that age where you really have no excuse for being crap, and also playing with people who still genuinely want to make it, therefore would be frustrated at anyone letting the team down.

 

To shaun.lawson, yer, I agree. To distance themselves is bad enough but to actively avoid me is just degrading for me, and embarrassing for them. I seem to switch between positive/negative and confidence/a wreck strangely quickly, could literally happen in seconds. As said above, I?m considering activities but my lack of time. I?m doing Highers at college (though I?m 21, was really depressed at 16, no motivation, didn?t try, now trying to repair the damage). I wan to go to uni but no idea what to do yet. Strangely enough to contradict your last point this whole thing seems to have reignited some kind of siege mentality I?ve had for a few years, as I seem more determined to fight back (not literally) against this. My attendance has improved massively, before I would miss classes due to lack of motivation, but have barely missed one since as I want to show I?m not going to be scared off, and will stay resolute against this, like us Hearts fans rallying at a most needed time to unite as one.

 

One thing I hate is the way THEY seem to think they?re in the right, ditching me because I?m ?too negative?, one even told me to just kill myself, because I apparently brought THEM down (diddums), what they fail to realise is 90% of the time I was joking, being sarcastic and self-depreciative because THEY found it funny.

 

As for the no friends thing, it?s just so depressing seeing others with friends and knowing I have no-one, makes me feel like there?s a massive street party at one families house, everyone?s inside, laughing, dancing and all round having fun, and I?m the only one outside in the muddy, cold ran looking in before rudging back to my cold, lonely home.

 

Thanks to all (also Detective Starsky and gorgiegords) for their kind words and support, the advice was great, REALLY appreciated and really nice to know there are kind people willing to give their time and support to others on here.

[Dusk_Till_Dawn]

Seriously, I would disregard them as a bunch of complete pricks.

[Dusk_Till_Dawn]

I'm no psychologist but try not to ask too much of yourself. Football for instance - 99 per cent of us are gash at football and just go for a kick around at five a sides or whatever. For most people it's just a bit of fun.

 

Your voluntary stuff sounds really good. Without going into detail, a lot of folk think I'm a lucky sod to have the job I do. Personally, I don't think my job has any meaning. It doesn't help people or make a difference. I've got a lot of time for anyone who volunteers or does a job that truly helps others. Your clearly a good lad. Are there no people at your volunteering jobs who you could knock about with or go for a drink with?

[Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC]

It sounds like you are quite determined to succeed in life, so hope is not lost mate.

 

Find out what you want to do, and quickly, then get yourself to uni. Leave home, go and stay in halls and throw yourself in the deep end.

 

A lot of folk who go to uni struggled socially in their younger years and come out very confident and with a lot of good friends.

[Groot]

A suggestion to put out there for folks is to try hypnotherapy

 

Mrs McFrench has suffered from depression as long as I've known her (before that too for the benefit of the smart arses) which is 12 years 11 of which we've been together. This has affected things like having a poor self body image so not being happy with herself, lack of confidence and at times partially agoraphobic where she'd only leave the house to go to work.

 

Sometimes it's good, sometimes not so but thankfully I'm a saint and she's been on every type of pill going but all they ever did was numb her feelings, it didn't make her feel better or get over her issues.

 

Then a few months ago she heard about a hypnotherapist and saw some good comments on Facebook ( iirc his name is David Stocks based in Dalgety Bay) she made an appointment to speak with him for free before agreeing to go on a course of sessions. I know it sounds like mumbo jumbo and I'm not going to go into details as its not my story to tell but the difference in her is unreal. From her description it's actually like therapy where they look at things in her past that could have had a negative effect sub consciously and then talk it through so its not an issue. I'm not saying it would work for everybody but I was a sceptic but I can definitely see the merits.

 

FAO peter, I've been on here long enough to pick out the good ***** from the bad ***** and you're a good *****

 

Don't let the w@nkers get you down, I never really fitted in at school when I was younger and although I had folk I hung out with there were no real friends that have stuck. Trust me for folk like us our time comes I've got 11 years on you so take my word on it stick in and find something you enjoy and you'll get it. PS I know you don't know me but if it gets tough feel free to drop me a PM on here I'm very rarely not on and even if I can't help sometimes an ear is all you'll need

 

Chin up dude

[Walter Kidd]

Same here, if you need to ever talk on here drop me a pm. Even if you need to get stuff out mate.

 

Been through a pretty bad spell myself this year through one thing and another, leading to 5 weeks completely away from it all. Best thing I did. Although still have some dark days they are becoming fewer.

 

You'll get better mate. Good days around the corner.

[Boof]

I'll echo what Malky and Walter have said - feel free to PM.

 

That goes for anybody.

 

I'm not a trained therapist or anything like that - just a regular Joe with as many fears and foibles as anyone else.

[wright1989]

I've been feeling pretty low of late but im unsure as to whether this is depression or anxiety problems and i have no idea from what it stems from.

There can be days where i feel good and others when i feel the opposite, going a walk down to the shops can be difficult as i feel like everyone is watching me. This has been going on for about 5 or 6 months now, when previously i wouldn't experience things like this before. In some social situations i find it difficult, even being around mates, i feel as if there is a barrier when i speak and sometimes feel like i need to take a big breath/put what im about to say through my head many times before i say it in social situations. Because of this awakward feeling, many times i dont speak up. I had to do a few resits at uni after i didn't bother to attempt some assessments last year in semester 2, i had feelings of no motivation at all to complete them and therefore i didnt do them. Whereas in the previous semester i did very well across my modules. My mum and dad split up over a year and a half ago so this could be a cause, since i've almost been stuck in the middle between them. My mum and dad have both suffered from depression and have had alcohol problems as a result. Thankfully, my dad has recovered and hasn't drunk for a year.

One of the situations in which i feel hard to do is going on public transport, again it feels difficult.

I agree with what previous posters have said about feeling worse after going out or drinking the night before, i seem to become confident as the day goes on after feeling down in the morning.

I have thought about going to the doctors, but as of yet haven't brought myself to do it.

 

Reading this has shocked me, Apart from parent problems. (I only see my Mother) Thing I found interesting is you said you feel more confident later on in the day after drinking, everyone else said the felt worse. I'm the same as you man.

 

I often avoid going to shops where I've built up relationships with the people that work there.

 

I've only had one serious girlfriend, was with her for 3 years. Before then I never had a relationship with any women as I was always terrible in social situations especially with the opposite sex. When I was 16 I found out ecstacy was basically the answer to my prayers.It took away my social fears, at weekends I was out constantly meeting new people forging good relationships with them that I was never able to do before. No women troubles either. I had a choice of who I was sleeping with! Met my girlfriend through it eventually and we decided to both stop using drugs. (At the end of the day drugs destroy you, their illegal for a reason.)

 

Things couldn't be any better, didn't last though. I found my attitude changing started to become a real ******* to her and playing her emotions to make myself feel better. (I wasn't aware of what I was doing at the time.) I would find myself lying in bed not wanting to do much and dreading anything that resembled work. We eventually finished and I've been quite frankly living in a rut for since then (5 years) still struggiling along avoiding situations. My only real desire is to find someone to love but with my problems It's proving very difficult. I have tried to start fitness and healthy eating but only last for about a month. I've even managed to get fines for not filling in a tax retund and have been fined 1200 pound. Still not bothered.

 

I need to go see someone but don't even have enough conviction to follow up on second appointments.

 

Didn't really want to press the post button but if it helps other people good.

[Budgie.]

A suggestion to put out there for folks is to try hypnotherapy

 

Mrs McFrench has suffered from depression as long as I've known her (before that too for the benefit of the smart arses) which is 12 years 11 of which we've been together. This has affected things like having a poor self body image so not being happy with herself, lack of confidence and at times partially agoraphobic where she'd only leave the house to go to work.

 

Sometimes it's good, sometimes not so but thankfully I'm a saint and she's been on every type of pill going but all they ever did was numb her feelings, it didn't make her feel better or get over her issues.

 

Then a few months ago she heard about a hypnotherapist and saw some good comments on Facebook ( iirc his name is David Stocks based in Dalgety Bay) she made an appointment to speak with him for free before agreeing to go on a course of sessions. I know it sounds like mumbo jumbo and I'm not going to go into details as its not my story to tell but the difference in her is unreal. From her description it's actually like therapy where they look at things in her past that could have had a negative effect sub consciously and then talk it through so its not an issue. I'm not saying it would work for everybody but I was a sceptic but I can definitely see the merits.

 

FAO peter, I've been on here long enough to pick out the good ***** from the bad ***** and you're a good *****

 

Don't let the w@nkers get you down, I never really fitted in at school when I was younger and although I had folk I hung out with there were no real friends that have stuck. Trust me for folk like us our time comes I've got 11 years on you so take my word on it stick in and find something you enjoy and you'll get it. PS I know you don't know me but if it gets tough feel free to drop me a PM on here I'm very rarely not on and even if I can't help sometimes an ear is all you'll need

 

Chin up dude

 

I would second Malky's thoughts on hypnotherapy.

 

I had a set of sessions for anxiety and they really made a difference. So much of anxiety and depression comes from our own negative chatterbox inside your mind and the hypnotherapy helps deal with it at a subconscious level.

[Ray Gin]

Anyone see the chap on Derren Brown the other night who had terrible social anxiety? All he needed to sort himself out was a placebo pill. Just the thought that he had something that could cure him was enough to clear his negative thoughts even though it was nothing but a sugar solution in the pills.

[marcus]

To John McLure, that sounds great and really fun but due o nerves I don?t think I?d be able to handle it personally. Of course I do need the confidence but I think that sort of thing would be out of my reach.

 

To Alan Partridge, yer, it?s pretty depressing. The people at work are fine, it?s just I can never be anything more than that guy you see, walk past, say ?Awright.?, then that?s the end of it. They seem like nice people, I just can?t seem to get ?in?, if you know what I mean. I?ve considered going to other activites, sports, clubs, social groups etc, but due to being at college, studying and working part time, that doesn?t leave much time. I?m useless at football (once scored a 30 yard volley into hockey goals though, yas), and I?m 21 so at that age where you really have no excuse for being crap, and also playing with people who still genuinely want to make it, therefore would be frustrated at anyone letting the team down.

 

To shaun.lawson, yer, I agree. To distance themselves is bad enough but to actively avoid me is just degrading for me, and embarrassing for them. I seem to switch between positive/negative and confidence/a wreck strangely quickly, could literally happen in seconds. As said above, I?m considering activities but my lack of time. I?m doing Highers at college (though I?m 21, was really depressed at 16, no motivation, didn?t try, now trying to repair the damage). I wan to go to uni but no idea what to do yet. Strangely enough to contradict your last point this whole thing seems to have reignited some kind of siege mentality I?ve had for a few years, as I seem more determined to fight back (not literally) against this. My attendance has improved massively, before I would miss classes due to lack of motivation, but have barely missed one since as I want to show I?m not going to be scared off, and will stay resolute against this, like us Hearts fans rallying at a most needed time to unite as one.

 

One thing I hate is the way THEY seem to think they?re in the right, ditching me because I?m ?too negative?, one even told me to just kill myself, because I apparently brought THEM down (diddums), what they fail to realise is 90% of the time I was joking, being sarcastic and self-depreciative because THEY found it funny.

 

As for the no friends thing, it?s just so depressing seeing others with friends and knowing I have no-one, makes me feel like there?s a massive street party at one families house, everyone?s inside, laughing, dancing and all round having fun, and I?m the only one outside in the muddy, cold ran looking in before rudging back to my cold, lonely home.

 

Thanks to all (also Detective Starsky and gorgiegords) for their kind words and support, the advice was great, REALLY appreciated and really nice to know there are kind people willing to give their time and support to others on here.

 

If you're in Edinburgh mate, there's a bunch of us on kickback that play 7/8 a side football every Thursday night at the pitz. It's 9-10 but we generally play a bit later seeing as there's normally no-one know after us.

 

I'm on my phone, so can't link, but the thread is in the Supporters Clubs past of through forum, thread name, Edinburgh 8's. Check there for when we need numbers, you'd be more than welcome...it's a good bunch if guys that play.

[chuck1874]

Not read this thread in a while but if anyone is battling depression due to a family bereavement i recommend cruise - 0845 600 2227. They are an independent and confidential company and they will try and allocate you a support worker if they feel they can help you.

[Jambo-Chappy]

 

Doctors wanted me to go on anti depressants today funnily (or not) enough I didn't want too so it's a sedative before bed and some music I'm to download to listen to to help sleep.

 

Keep getting this explosion thing happening in my head again when I try to fall off and things at home are defo getting on top too much just now also. It's hard to he strong when the people that are usually strongest for you aren't able to do that.

 

Anyway night all.

I refused the tablets from the doc. Not sure if that's a good thing though. Didn't want to be a blubbering happy all the time lune. Anyone ?

[chuck1874]

 

 

I refused the tablets from the doc. Not sure if that's a good thing though. Didn't want to be a blubbering happy all the time lune. Anyone ?

 

Why dont you speak to your gp and asked to get reffered to see a physiciatrist either weekly or fortnightly?

If not try SAMH ( scottish association for mental health ) thats who my partners with and they offer great help.

[chuck1874]

 

 

I refused the tablets from the doc. Not sure if that's a good thing though. Didn't want to be a blubbering happy all the time lune. Anyone ?

 

Why dont you speak to your gp and asked to get reffered to see a phsyciatrist either weekly or fortnightly?

If not try SAMH ( scottish association for mental health ) thats who my partners with and they offer great help.

[Jambo-Chappy]

 

 

 

Why dont you speak to your gp and asked to get reffered to see a phsyciatrist either weekly or fortnightly?

If not try SAMH ( scottish association for mental health ) thats who my partners with and they offer great help.

Thanks mate.

[chuck1874]

No probs

[Shapes]

I refused the tablets from the doc. Not sure if that's a good thing though. Didn't want to be a blubbering happy all the time lune. Anyone ?

 

I refused antidepressants because I was scared of them. I was scared they would just keep me trudging along at a not good but not bad level and that I'd never be really happy. It's been almost a year since I was at my lowest and I'm feeling much like I did this time last year. Low self esteem, feeling like I do everything wrong, crying all the time, sometimes I don't even know why, staying in bed and hiding under the covers, ignoring uni work, snapping at people. I know I need to go back to the doctors again because it's putting a strain on relations at home and tbh probably my relationship as well, but the thought of anti-depressants scares me. I was on the list for self help but nobody ever got back to me and because I go through phases of being ok I never chased it up. I had a bout in February, one in May around cup final time and one in July/August but none have been as bad as this one which has lasted close to a month now. My mum and boyfriend are urging me to go to the doctors but it scares me but deep down I know I should because this stubborness is probably making things worse.

Edited November 14, 2012 by Pull Shapes