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4 hours ago, dazajmbo said:

Been in a bit of depression for probably as long as I can remember, going as far back as about 12 years old, I had adhd which I used as an excuse for all of the problems I had. Seemed to lose that when I turned about 16 or 17 and then decided that getting drunk nearly every day was a great way to be. Borrowing money off people just to have another pint because i didn't want to go home n sit bored in my room. Then I started to get myself loans and credit cards I realistically couldn't afford, got into a wee mess with drugs, blamed my low mood and depression on my money problems, or splitting up with my partner, work, everything in my life was not a good thing for me. And despite several suicide attempts and giving up, I sorted my debt, got back with my ex, got myself into a steady and secure work environment and then finally accepted the word DENIAL. All of my life I have pretty much had an excuse to be so down, secluded and anti social, I have taken about 15 years to get to the stage where I can finally accept who I am and how I have always got to ruin things in my life, I get to a stage where I'm almost there and can see the real future and the happy ending. Then something in my head seems to press a switch and say nah, almost, but you can't be happy and I will always take a risk or make a daft decision I know will ruin the whole lot.  I have finally asked for a diagnosis and a way out of the problem I have.  Bipolar symptoms,  borderline personality disorder,  as well as mania, depression and a fear of abandonment are some of the things flagged up in my first appointment, and I feel so much better accepting that word denial and I feel like the weight and expectation I have has been lifted from me, I dont feel like I need to pretend i am someone I'm not just to make someone happy, i don't want that to get me back to feeling like i know i will always do something bad just to help me or my mindset. Sorry for the rant, but if it helps one person on here then I'll be happy with that, the word denial is the most powerful thing that has had such a positive impact on my mindset. Still ongoing with doctors and mental health experts but it finally for the first time in my life feels like there is an alternative way out. 

 

Anyone struggling feel free to pm and can chat about their feelings.  I've been through so many things in my life I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy so I do understand and I can guarantee I have done worse, felt worse and I thought that meant I had to go. 


great post Daz , knowing where you were back then , but not the more recent stuff I know how tough you had it. To have gone through the recent stuff and downwards but  get back up shows a proper strength of character , good to know you are getting there ❤️
 

PS: You weren’t a bad kid 😉

Edited by sadj
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On 07/03/2020 at 22:26, Zlatanable said:

Thank you for this. 

 

Anytime, happy to give the honest open feelings and troubles I had to anyone looking for a new direction or way of thinking. Feel free to PM me if you need to 👍

 

On 07/03/2020 at 23:54, sadj said:


great post Daz , knowing where you were back then , but not the more recent stuff I know how tough you had it. To have gone through the recent stuff and downwards but  get back up shows a proper strength of character , good to know you are getting there ❤️
 

PS: You weren’t a bad kid 😉

 

Cheers pal. X

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gashauskis9

Important to keep this thread near the top.  Over the coming months, with self isolation very much being the order of the day, I’d expect to see a high spike in mental health related illness as a result.

 

Important to keep talking and keep occupied in spite of this, no matter how difficult it may be with the barriers we’re facing.  

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Captain Canada
2 hours ago, Gashauskis9 said:

Important to keep this thread near the top.  Over the coming months, with self isolation very much being the order of the day, I’d expect to see a high spike in mental health related illness as a result.

 

Important to keep talking and keep occupied in spite of this, no matter how difficult it may be with the barriers we’re facing.  

 

Great post. Like lots of others I've suffered with health anxieties over the years, so I'm trying to just focus on what I can do to help other people and not watch the news. 

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The Internet
On 07/03/2020 at 10:29, sadj said:

No , will give it a try though , i like his early stuff

 

Find the xfm shows if you can, on Spotify. Hilarious and can keep me going when I'm feeling it. 

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On 07/03/2020 at 19:28, dazajmbo said:

Been in a bit of depression for probably as long as I can remember, going as far back as about 12 years old, I had adhd which I used as an excuse for all of the problems I had. Seemed to lose that when I turned about 16 or 17 and then decided that getting drunk nearly every day was a great way to be. Borrowing money off people just to have another pint because i didn't want to go home n sit bored in my room. Then I started to get myself loans and credit cards I realistically couldn't afford, got into a wee mess with drugs, blamed my low mood and depression on my money problems, or splitting up with my partner, work, everything in my life was not a good thing for me. And despite several suicide attempts and giving up, I sorted my debt, got back with my ex, got myself into a steady and secure work environment and then finally accepted the word DENIAL. All of my life I have pretty much had an excuse to be so down, secluded and anti social, I have taken about 15 years to get to the stage where I can finally accept who I am and how I have always got to ruin things in my life, I get to a stage where I'm almost there and can see the real future and the happy ending. Then something in my head seems to press a switch and say nah, almost, but you can't be happy and I will always take a risk or make a daft decision I know will ruin the whole lot.  I have finally asked for a diagnosis and a way out of the problem I have.  Bipolar symptoms,  borderline personality disorder,  as well as mania, depression and a fear of abandonment are some of the things flagged up in my first appointment, and I feel so much better accepting that word denial and I feel like the weight and expectation I have has been lifted from me, I dont feel like I need to pretend i am someone I'm not just to make someone happy, i don't want that to get me back to feeling like i know i will always do something bad just to help me or my mindset. Sorry for the rant, but if it helps one person on here then I'll be happy with that, the word denial is the most powerful thing that has had such a positive impact on my mindset. Still ongoing with doctors and mental health experts but it finally for the first time in my life feels like there is an alternative way out. 

 

Anyone struggling feel free to pm and can chat about their feelings.  I've been through so many things in my life I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy so I do understand and I can guarantee I have done worse, felt worse and I thought that meant I had to go. 

I've just read my life reading that. Word for word we have had the exact same life. 

 

I probably still owe a few quid here and there though 

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2 hours ago, AW1 said:

I've just read my life reading that. Word for word we have had the exact same life. 

 

I probably still owe a few quid here and there though 

 

 

As do I, just not as severe as I previously did.

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4 hours ago, AndyNic said:

20200317_152435.jpg

Ah ****. I’m on 150mg of the stuff a day. 100s are running low but freshly stocked on 50s with still some to spare. Better hope they’ll stretch, and I may have to lower to 100 or something daily

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CavySlaveJambo
On 25/02/2020 at 12:26, Dagger Is Back said:

For those of us who suffer SAD, hang in there folks. Sunrise at 642am on 9 March and sunset at 1805. Clocks going forward on 29 March, we're getting there, slowly but surely 

 

Not so good if you have Season Pattern Bipolar.  Manic season and going on to lockdown will be fun. 

 

 

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Harry Potter
On 14/03/2020 at 16:23, Captain Canada said:

 

Great post. Like lots of others I've suffered with health anxieties over the years, so I'm trying to just focus on what I can do to help other people and not watch the news. 

Good post captain, helping others certainly puts a positive in your life and obviously overcomes the negatives.

Im avoiding the news as well, it certainly does not help my anxiety, i worry about everything, just the way i am.

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davemclaren
3 hours ago, Harry Potter said:

Good post captain, helping others certainly puts a positive in your life and obviously overcomes the negatives.

Im avoiding the news as well, it certainly does not help my anxiety, i worry about everything, just the way i am.

Not a good place to be at the moment. I’m not suffering from depression but the news is getting me down as well. Who thought 24 hour news channels would be a great idea?

 

Hang in there!!

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Kidd’s Boots

Like others on this thread, I'd lived with undiagnosed depression for almost 25 years when I first sought help in my late thirties. Now in my early fifties and I still have periods of anxiety rather than depression which I can manage better through medication. Life will always throw the sticky stuff at you, and having a good support network round you and using it when you need it is so so important. I spent a long time receiving Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and while it's not for everyone, I had bottled so much up in 25 years that until I got that out and cried myself dry, medication had no effect whatsoever. I consider myself fortunate to have accessed the help I needed before it was too late, because time was running out. I have fallen back in love with football after I was treated very badly by football back in the late '70's (Not this club or Celtic). It took me a long, long time to come to terms with this, walk back through a turnstile and feel comfortable in my own skin. Hearts have always been my Club, and always will be, but I haven't always been there for them. Ive made a promise to myself to change that, and boy, am I regretting that decision at the moment (gallows humour , I promise 😁). I have perspective now that I'd missed for so much of my 20's, 30's and some of my 40's, and I really hope that anyone who has, is, or potentially may suffer from this terrible silent torment finds and holds onto their own perspective.

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Harry Potter
2 hours ago, davemclaren said:

Not a good place to be at the moment. I’m not suffering from depression but the news is getting me down as well. Who thought 24 hour news channels would be a great idea?

 

Hang in there!!

Thankyou Dave, longer days due soon so thats a start , a lot of uncertainty for the future, take care 

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Whilst not officially isolated (and not the type to head out much regardless) I’m in day 1 of 5 days off work. Last night and today I’ve just been completely deflated, no doubt the amount of news on the house tv has contributed to that. These times, they’re a *******

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On 18/03/2020 at 16:36, davemclaren said:

Not a good place to be at the moment. I’m not suffering from depression but the news is getting me down as well. Who thought 24 hour news channels would be a great idea?

 

Hang in there!!

Absolutely spot on Dave. I like you, am lucky enough not (or to have) suffered from depression. Sadly I believe more people will likely die from things like depression, off the back of losing jobs etc as a result of the current situation we find ourselves in. The news is a no go for me just now. I've been fortunate to spend this midweek in center parcs with my wife and 2 young kids. Closes tomorrow for 4 weeks (at least)but it's been a relief being in a forest almost cut off from the outside world this week and I consider myself lucky. My 5 year old has had a ball and its put everything in to perspective for my wife and I. Our youngest is only 10months and oblivious to what's going on but our 5year old is asking questions about coronavirus on a regular basis and has done for the past 3 weeks. Lots of guests left tues/wed on the back of Boris and his news conferences but those of us that have stayed, aswell as the staff have been pragmatic about it all in the sense that  theres nothing really to be gained by leaving couple of days early especially when we have no idea of how many months of crap we are about to endure. Fair play to center parcs, from talking to the staff here they have said they are going to be paid full wages over the period of closure. They will be expected to come in and help deep clean every aspect of the site but at least they are being paid in full. Unlike the poor 8500 souls who work for the tax Dodger that is is Richard Branson! What a fickle world we live in...February everyone was shouting Be Kind...March they are bulk buying and fighting over pasta in supermarkets!!

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These last few weeks have been particularly hard, but I have genuinely found it easier now that I’m not watching the news, Twitter, FB etc. Because the amount of scaremongering that goes on is bollocks.  I’m going to take my chances with reading f📖 ck all and knowing **** all.  What is there to lose? 

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32 minutes ago, Swanny17 said:

These last few weeks have been particularly hard, but I have genuinely found it easier now that I’m not watching the news, Twitter, FB etc. Because the amount of scaremongering that goes on is bollocks.  I’m going to take my chances with reading f📖 ck all and knowing **** all.  What is there to lose? 

it is true ignorance is bliss, maybe we should all do this and make us a bit happier

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The last week or so has been a killer.    I've been and continue to be struggling badly.    Perhaps a compounding factor is the realisation that most people are in the same position,   while at the same time there are people who are utterly ignorant of the situation.     I think if one believes that they are in some kind of isolation in a bad place then help or support can be sought... but not the case now because so many others are badly affected.    At the same time there are people who appear determined to flout all the 'rules'.    Not observing the advice and blissfully untouched by it.

 

A combination of being lost in an ocean of horrendous concern... yet surrounded by morons.

 

Maybe we'll benefit from settling into a new normal after a while and hopefully some encouraging information in a couple of months.    Some degree of forecasted timescales.   

 

Let's all keep a light on for the heroes of the NHS.

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11 hours ago, Swanny17 said:

These last few weeks have been particularly hard, but I have genuinely found it easier now that I’m not watching the news, Twitter, FB etc. Because the amount of scaremongering that goes on is bollocks.  I’m going to take my chances with reading f📖 ck all and knowing **** all.  What is there to lose? 

I agree. One day last week i was feeling better and then realised it was because i had been busy and not on my phone. Was listening to audiobooks. 

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32 minutes ago, LeftBack said:

I agree. One day last week i was feeling better and then realised it was because i had been busy and not on my phone. Was listening to audiobooks. 


👍👍👍 Look after yourself bud. 

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If anyone wants a chat pm me and i can phone. Admittedly my conversation is crap but lets not be alone at this time. Had major wobble this afternoon. 

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Folk im really struggling. Been so for a wee while. I can feel it the way it was before. Have scratched hell out back of neck. I don't want to worry family and partner. She is great but always stresses. Don't know who to turn to. Sorry!! 

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39 minutes ago, LeftBack said:

Folk im really struggling. Been so for a wee while. I can feel it the way it was before. Have scratched hell out back of neck. I don't want to worry family and partner. She is great but always stresses. Don't know who to turn to. Sorry!! 


just let it out on here , not one person will judge. I think every person who has posted on this thread has had problems and is here to help.  Without delving into the psychological reasons , can i ask if you are in shape , how your diet is , that kind of thing. Feel free to pm if you dont want to share here. 

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3 hours ago, sadj said:


just let it out on here , not one person will judge. I think every person who has posted on this thread has had problems and is here to help.  Without delving into the psychological reasons , can i ask if you are in shape , how your diet is , that kind of thing. Feel free to pm if you dont want to share here. 

Thanks mate. Im doing ok. Just a major wobble but at least i can recognise it now. I like being busy and am exercising well. Partner a key worker and under a lot of pressure and think that has contributed. I think last night i had few wines and everything got on top of me. Miss my boys - although they aren't wee any more! Thanks for being there. 

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2 hours ago, Zlatanable said:

You are not alone. 

These conditions we are all in, are not good. 

The governments in the UK, and around the world, are working hard to find solutions, and I trust them. I trust them when they say that things will get better.

 

I am scared. My fear is my primary instinct now

 

I am happy to see you again LeftBack, you seem a decent man. 

I don't know if this is helping you, I hope it is. 

Keep in touch, and take care.

I've replied below but thanks mate. As i say i recognised the signs which is why im having tea and toast and not in hospital! Thoughts are genuinely with all those of us who are struggling. As i admitted poor mental health is NOT something that happens to others. 

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hisnameisdrewbusby

Leftback, Zlatanable, hello.  I've just found your chat after this thread was pointed out to me.  If you guys want to chat to me and / or other guys who've suffered from poor mental health - just let me know.  I run The Changing Room groups at Tynecastle (when it's open...) in conjunction with SAMH and Big Hearts http://www.bighearts.org.uk/programmes/the-changing-room/

 

Email address you can get me on is [email protected]

 

We've also just started a new phone line for people to call me for a chat due to us all being more isolated just now - 0131 603 4929 - 10:30 - 15:00 - Monday to Thursday

 

And, because we can't meet face to face just now, we've set up regular video calls using Zoom - get in touch if you want to find out more about these and maybe join in with the guys.

 

Take care,

Dougie

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  • 2 weeks later...

The scenario of the lockdown is not going to help people who struggle with depression gonna be a tough time nothing to do and a lot of time to think about it.

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If I get told I can't get out to exercise that would be a problem at some point.  I need to get out every few days just to change my mood.  Nothing extreme, but I can sympathize with folk that might be worse off.

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dobmisterdobster

Take your meds people. Lifestyle changes are necessary but you need to fix your brain chemistry first.

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scottishguy
8 hours ago, dobmisterdobster said:

Take your meds people. Lifestyle changes are necessary but you need to fix your brain chemistry first.

 

Well said mate, just went back on mines after feeling really good for the last 5 months.

 

Mind beginning to wander again, but I know what I can do to self help due to the amazing NHS workers in St John's in Livingston.

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This furlough has been a real test for me as I've been ready bad in the past, I've taken good knows how many overdoses in the past and ended up in hospital as a result, horrible stuff and hopefully something which remains in the past. 

 

So far everything has been fine. I really don't want to see myself go down the same path as before but the lack of day to day variety is really challenging me 😟

 

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hisnameisdrewbusby

Folks, just repeating what I said a few days ago to Zlatanable and LeftBack.

 

If you guys want to chat to me and / or other guys who've suffered from poor mental health - just let me know.  I run The Changing Room groups at Tynecastle (when it's open...) in conjunction with SAMH and Big Hearts http://www.bighearts.org.uk/programmes/the-changing-room/

 

Email address you can get me on is [email protected]

 

We've also just started a new phone line for people to call me for a chat due to us all being more isolated just now - 0131 603 4929 - Monday to Thursday - 10:30am - 3:00pm.  

 

And, because we can't meet face to face just now, we've set up regular video calls using Zoom - get in touch if you want to find out more about these and maybe join in with the guys. 

 

Since posting last week, I've also got a way of doing plain old conference calls rather than video if you don't have access to something that can handle them (though, zoom that we're using does work on Android, iOS, Tablet and laptop). 

 

I'm no counsellor, so don't want to oversell what this is, but my experience is that a good group chat can help get stuff of your chest and stop it going round and round in your head.

 

Take care,

Dougie

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On 06/04/2020 at 21:25, hisnameisdrewbusby said:

Folks, just repeating what I said a few days ago to Zlatanable and LeftBack.

 

If you guys want to chat to me and / or other guys who've suffered from poor mental health - just let me know.  I run The Changing Room groups at Tynecastle (when it's open...) in conjunction with SAMH and Big Hearts http://www.bighearts.org.uk/programmes/the-changing-room/

 

Email address you can get me on is [email protected]

 

We've also just started a new phone line for people to call me for a chat due to us all being more isolated just now - 0131 603 4929 - Monday to Thursday - 10:30am - 3:00pm.  

 

And, because we can't meet face to face just now, we've set up regular video calls using Zoom - get in touch if you want to find out more about these and maybe join in with the guys. 

 

Since posting last week, I've also got a way of doing plain old conference calls rather than video if you don't have access to something that can handle them (though, zoom that we're using does work on Android, iOS, Tablet and laptop). 

 

I'm no counsellor, so don't want to oversell what this is, but my experience is that a good group chat can help get stuff of your chest and stop it going round and round in your head.

 

Take care,

Dougie

 

Just bumping this to check in how folk are doing just now. I don't post much on the thread but have got  a lot of support from it, just by hearing from others.

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I’m not really affected by this , I have other issues but it’s good to talk so stay strong and don’t be afraid to talk . Also well done all who are working on this.

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hisnameisdrewbusby

Folks, for anyone following this thread, there's now a new 'lockdown' thread that admin have set up for me pinned near top of Shed - it's called...

 

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  • 2 months later...

Honestly nervous about the thought of being the one to bump this thread. 
 

But here goes, had a few adjustment issues at the beginning of the covid lockdown, partially due to personal things like no longer being able to see my Mum etc. Then there was issues at work, I’m in retail for what I would describe as a non essential store which used a loophole to remain open, and the piss was well and truly taken by the public who were buying all manner of unessential shite, putting massive strain on myself and colleagues. After a while, I was able to look at things in a different light and became quite understanding, knuckled down and powered through.

 

It has all turned sour in the last couple of weeks though, Work has now died down completely, to the extent that nobody knows what to do for most of the shifts and it’s become a horrible, mind numbing grind to make it through the day. Given the situation at large, I feel bad for complaining about work given that some people have none.

 

My Mrs is on furlough and has been home alone with the kids since mid March. The very fact she’s kept it going til now is a credit to her but even at that,  she’s getting so much worse these days. Every day, I’ll be subjected to constant criticism for my parenting, housework etc when I often feel like I’m using the last of my energy and/or mental strength to try and pull through on these things just to be told “it’s not good enough”. Not to mention my Mrs has actually began to resort to picking fights with my mum which has created a massive rift in the family that I now find myself caught up in the middle of. This is on top of the fact that I had a breakdown last week that ended with me unloading verbal assaults on to a few family members in the heat of the moment, being locked out of my house and putting my hand through one of the window panes on my front door.

 

My kids, I love more than anything and the fact they’re going through all of this at a young age without really understanding what’s happening or why, is heartbreaking to see. They’re not used to not being in school or nursery, home all day with very few people to see. It’s because of all this they just act up more and more each day, to the point I just can’t seem to think of any way to keep on top of them.

 

I realise this just became a very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere, anywhere. If you did, thanks for reading 

 

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1 hour ago, Thommo414 said:

Honestly nervous about the thought of being the one to bump this thread. 
 

But here goes, had a few adjustment issues at the beginning of the covid lockdown, partially due to personal things like no longer being able to see my Mum etc. Then there was issues at work, I’m in retail for what I would describe as a non essential store which used a loophole to remain open, and the piss was well and truly taken by the public who were buying all manner of unessential shite, putting massive strain on myself and colleagues. After a while, I was able to look at things in a different light and became quite understanding, knuckled down and powered through.

 

It has all turned sour in the last couple of weeks though, Work has now died down completely, to the extent that nobody knows what to do for most of the shifts and it’s become a horrible, mind numbing grind to make it through the day. Given the situation at large, I feel bad for complaining about work given that some people have none.

 

My Mrs is on furlough and has been home alone with the kids since mid March. The very fact she’s kept it going til now is a credit to her but even at that,  she’s getting so much worse these days. Every day, I’ll be subjected to constant criticism for my parenting, housework etc when I often feel like I’m using the last of my energy and/or mental strength to try and pull through on these things just to be told “it’s not good enough”. Not to mention my Mrs has actually began to resort to picking fights with my mum which has created a massive rift in the family that I now find myself caught up in the middle of. This is on top of the fact that I had a breakdown last week that ended with me unloading verbal assaults on to a few family members in the heat of the moment, being locked out of my house and putting my hand through one of the window panes on my front door.

 

My kids, I love more than anything and the fact they’re going through all of this at a young age without really understanding what’s happening or why, is heartbreaking to see. They’re not used to not being in school or nursery, home all day with very few people to see. It’s because of all this they just act up more and more each day, to the point I just can’t seem to think of any way to keep on top of them.

 

I realise this just became a very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere, anywhere. If you did, thanks for reading 

 

 

I read it mate, I feel your pain. It can't be easy. I wish I could say something that would help other than kids are resilient and it's"only" 4 weeks till they go back to school and you'll get some sense of normality back into you life.

 

Also never be afraid to bump this thread, it's gold in amongst a pile of pish. 👍

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JudyJudyJudy
2 hours ago, Thommo414 said:

Honestly nervous about the thought of being the one to bump this thread. 
 

But here goes, had a few adjustment issues at the beginning of the covid lockdown, partially due to personal things like no longer being able to see my Mum etc. Then there was issues at work, I’m in retail for what I would describe as a non essential store which used a loophole to remain open, and the piss was well and truly taken by the public who were buying all manner of unessential shite, putting massive strain on myself and colleagues. After a while, I was able to look at things in a different light and became quite understanding, knuckled down and powered through.

 

It has all turned sour in the last couple of weeks though, Work has now died down completely, to the extent that nobody knows what to do for most of the shifts and it’s become a horrible, mind numbing grind to make it through the day. Given the situation at large, I feel bad for complaining about work given that some people have none.

 

My Mrs is on furlough and has been home alone with the kids since mid March. The very fact she’s kept it going til now is a credit to her but even at that,  she’s getting so much worse these days. Every day, I’ll be subjected to constant criticism for my parenting, housework etc when I often feel like I’m using the last of my energy and/or mental strength to try and pull through on these things just to be told “it’s not good enough”. Not to mention my Mrs has actually began to resort to picking fights with my mum which has created a massive rift in the family that I now find myself caught up in the middle of. This is on top of the fact that I had a breakdown last week that ended with me unloading verbal assaults on to a few family members in the heat of the moment, being locked out of my house and putting my hand through one of the window panes on my front door.

 

My kids, I love more than anything and the fact they’re going through all of this at a young age without really understanding what’s happening or why, is heartbreaking to see. They’re not used to not being in school or nursery, home all day with very few people to see. It’s because of all this they just act up more and more each day, to the point I just can’t seem to think of any way to keep on top of them.

 

I realise this just became a very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere, anywhere. If you did, thanks for reading 

 

Thanks for sharing. Its hard to work out from your posting which issue is consuming your mental health? Seems to be a combination of them all ?  I know in the last few months familes with kids have struggled and this has impacted on their relationships within the family.  However it sounds like your partner is quite abusive?  Was she like this before the pandemic?  Belittling  a person is a classic domestic abuse strategy.  Is there help you can get from social work or other agencies which help support familes who may be struggling with their kids at this time ?  

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hisnameisdrewbusby
2 hours ago, Thommo414 said:

Honestly nervous about the thought of being the one to bump this thread. 
 

But here goes, had a few adjustment issues at the beginning of the covid lockdown, partially due to personal things like no longer being able to see my Mum etc. Then there was issues at work, I’m in retail for what I would describe as a non essential store which used a loophole to remain open, and the piss was well and truly taken by the public who were buying all manner of unessential shite, putting massive strain on myself and colleagues. After a while, I was able to look at things in a different light and became quite understanding, knuckled down and powered through.

 

It has all turned sour in the last couple of weeks though, Work has now died down completely, to the extent that nobody knows what to do for most of the shifts and it’s become a horrible, mind numbing grind to make it through the day. Given the situation at large, I feel bad for complaining about work given that some people have none.

 

My Mrs is on furlough and has been home alone with the kids since mid March. The very fact she’s kept it going til now is a credit to her but even at that,  she’s getting so much worse these days. Every day, I’ll be subjected to constant criticism for my parenting, housework etc when I often feel like I’m using the last of my energy and/or mental strength to try and pull through on these things just to be told “it’s not good enough”. Not to mention my Mrs has actually began to resort to picking fights with my mum which has created a massive rift in the family that I now find myself caught up in the middle of. This is on top of the fact that I had a breakdown last week that ended with me unloading verbal assaults on to a few family members in the heat of the moment, being locked out of my house and putting my hand through one of the window panes on my front door.

 

My kids, I love more than anything and the fact they’re going through all of this at a young age without really understanding what’s happening or why, is heartbreaking to see. They’re not used to not being in school or nursery, home all day with very few people to see. It’s because of all this they just act up more and more each day, to the point I just can’t seem to think of any way to keep on top of them.

 

I realise this just became a very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere, anywhere. If you did, thanks for reading 

 

Well done for getting this out there, keeping all this going round in your head wouldn't be great at all and so being brave enough to post about how you're feeling is an excellent move.  

 

There's another thread in The Shed too, and you'll see there that admin posted details for The Changing Room project and how to contact me if you want to talk.  We're not running a full schedule as you might expect as Tynie is mostly closed, but I'm happy to chat and involve you in chats with other guys if you'd like.  You can pm me your mobile too if you'd prefer and I'll give you a bell when it works best.

 

Dougie

 

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1 hour ago, graygo said:

 

I read it mate, I feel your pain. It can't be easy. I wish I could say something that would help other than kids are resilient and it's"only" 4 weeks till they go back to school and you'll get some sense of normality back into you life.

 

Also never be afraid to bump this thread, it's gold in amongst a pile of pish. 👍

Cheers mate. Any kind of reply, I appreciate so thank you. I’d actually forgotten about the dates for school going back, like you say it’ll give back some normality, especially for the little ones.

 

21 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

Thanks for sharing. Its hard to work out from your posting which issue is consuming your mental health? Seems to be a combination of them all ?  I know in the last few months familes with kids have struggled and this has impacted on their relationships within the family.  However it sounds like your partner is quite abusive?  Was she like this before the pandemic?  Belittling  a person is a classic domestic abuse strategy.  Is there help you can get from social work or other agencies which help support familes who may be struggling with their kids at this time ?  

Thanks James. It’s definitely a culmination of everything that’s got me to this stage, hence the massive spew of words (I really didn’t know how to abridge it)

 

The issues with my partner, haven’t usually been like this. Like I touched on, her time cooped up with the kids has deeply affected her mental health too, although she’s much more stubborn than I am in regards to admitting a problem and trying to fix it. I haven’t yet looked into agencies like that but obviously, that may become an option down the line if things stay as they are 

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JudyJudyJudy
1 minute ago, Thommo414 said:

Cheers mate. Any kind of reply, I appreciate so thank you. I’d actually forgotten about the dates for school going back, like you say it’ll give back some normality, especially for the little ones.

 

Thanks James. It’s definitely a culmination of everything that’s got me to this stage, hence the massive spew of words (I really didn’t know how to abridge it)

 

The issues with my partner, haven’t usually been like this. Like I touched on, her time cooped up with the kids has deeply affected her mental health too, although she’s much more stubborn than I am in regards to admitting a problem and trying to fix it. I haven’t yet looked into agencies like that but obviously, that may become an option down the line if things stay as they are 

Schools go back on August 11th so under a month away.  Is there not play groups etc the kids can go to just now in the summer break. It may alleviate some of the tension for your partner and you as well as good fun for the kids?  Your verbal assaults last week to the family ?  Maybe some things needed to be said ? So don't be so hard on yourself regarding that.  Its a shame your partner cant admit there are issues to be fixed as thats half the problem and half the solution.  ( admitting there are problems). I can understand your reluctance regarding social work or external family support agencies helping you as families can panic and worry regarding social work or other agencies. 

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Captain Sausage
3 hours ago, Thommo414 said:

Honestly nervous about the thought of being the one to bump this thread. 
 

But here goes, had a few adjustment issues at the beginning of the covid lockdown, partially due to personal things like no longer being able to see my Mum etc. Then there was issues at work, I’m in retail for what I would describe as a non essential store which used a loophole to remain open, and the piss was well and truly taken by the public who were buying all manner of unessential shite, putting massive strain on myself and colleagues. After a while, I was able to look at things in a different light and became quite understanding, knuckled down and powered through.

 

It has all turned sour in the last couple of weeks though, Work has now died down completely, to the extent that nobody knows what to do for most of the shifts and it’s become a horrible, mind numbing grind to make it through the day. Given the situation at large, I feel bad for complaining about work given that some people have none.

 

My Mrs is on furlough and has been home alone with the kids since mid March. The very fact she’s kept it going til now is a credit to her but even at that,  she’s getting so much worse these days. Every day, I’ll be subjected to constant criticism for my parenting, housework etc when I often feel like I’m using the last of my energy and/or mental strength to try and pull through on these things just to be told “it’s not good enough”. Not to mention my Mrs has actually began to resort to picking fights with my mum which has created a massive rift in the family that I now find myself caught up in the middle of. This is on top of the fact that I had a breakdown last week that ended with me unloading verbal assaults on to a few family members in the heat of the moment, being locked out of my house and putting my hand through one of the window panes on my front door.

 

My kids, I love more than anything and the fact they’re going through all of this at a young age without really understanding what’s happening or why, is heartbreaking to see. They’re not used to not being in school or nursery, home all day with very few people to see. It’s because of all this they just act up more and more each day, to the point I just can’t seem to think of any way to keep on top of them.

 

I realise this just became a very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere, anywhere. If you did, thanks for reading 

 


Totally understand the strain on the relationship. I’ve got two little ones -the toddler would normally be in nursery and the Mrs in work, but she’s on mat leave with the baby and stuck in the house with a 3 year old who is just out of control. 
 

im working for home, so he gets worked up that I can’t play with him which leads him to act out. She has to deal with that while dealing with a baby and I get it in the neck for the smallest transgression as a result. 
 

it’s inevitable that it leads to arguments and everyone is just frustrated. I don’t know if it would work for everyone, but we are using the 2 hours of quiet time at night to just talk through the day, about what went well, what was a car crash and talk about how we made the other one feel. 
 

one of my good pals has kids the same age and his daughter (3) is shitting herself as a way of getting attention - so my situation could always be worse. 
 

feel free to pm if you want to talk about it mate - it’s definitely helped me knowing others are in the same situation. 
 

looking at insta you’d think every other parent has these angelic kids and partners, but in reality we are all struggling to survive until things to back so some semblance of normality. 

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1 hour ago, JamesM48 said:

Schools go back on August 11th so under a month away.  Is there not play groups etc the kids can go to just now in the summer break. It may alleviate some of the tension for your partner and you as well as good fun for the kids?  Your verbal assaults last week to the family ?  Maybe some things needed to be said ? So don't be so hard on yourself regarding that.  Its a shame your partner cant admit there are issues to be fixed as thats half the problem and half the solution.  ( admitting there are problems). I can understand your reluctance regarding social work or external family support agencies helping you as families can panic and worry regarding social work or other agencies. 

I’m not so sure what the situation is with playgroups etc. Obviously with covid there’s been nothing like that on and even with lockdown being phased out, I’m finding it hard to keep up. My outburst last week definitely contained some home truths but the way I went about it and some extra comments I made were definitely out of line, I sobbed for a good while after. I’m trying to get her to come around to some sort of a solution whether it be social work, therapy etc but it’s still early doors atm 

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1 hour ago, hisnameisdrewbusby said:

Well done for getting this out there, keeping all this going round in your head wouldn't be great at all and so being brave enough to post about how you're feeling is an excellent move.  

 

There's another thread in The Shed too, and you'll see there that admin posted details for The Changing Room project and how to contact me if you want to talk.  We're not running a full schedule as you might expect as Tynie is mostly closed, but I'm happy to chat and involve you in chats with other guys if you'd like.  You can pm me your mobile too if you'd prefer and I'll give you a bell when it works best.

 

Dougie

 

Thanks Dougie. I’ll have a wee look into that and I’ll probably send you a pm later for some details!

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Riddley Walker
On 12/01/2020 at 22:07, Morgan said:

Great post from you, Dagger.

 

From the heart too, as I know how you were 12 or so months ago.

 

I hope that Riddley responds to you (I know he won’t to me. ( :sad: ).

 

I will look forward to reading his post and, just to re-iterate, I hope he comes out of this well.

 

Morgan

 

 

 

Hi mate. Thanks for your words here. Truth is this is the first time I've looked at this thread since I posted that because I was embarrassed. Ignored the notifications completely. Tends to be the way I cope with anything negative, just shut it out. Another poster on this thread PMd me, which I'm really grateful for. 

 

I've been okay. I had a really bad time at the end of last year/beginning of this year with something I can't mention on here. Was a key worker until May then changed jobs and been working from home for a couple of months and the cabin fever has started getting to me. Feel like I'm walking about in a daze all the time and been bevvying far too much, which doesn't help.  Guess I'm a bit better than my earlier post though. Honestly wish I could just go away and travel but am totally stuck here now. Dont mean that in relation to Covid, just life shit. 

 

Thanks to you and others for  reaching out earlier this year and apologies for not responding sooner. 

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26 minutes ago, Riddley Walker said:

 

Hi mate. Thanks for your words here. Truth is this is the first time I've looked at this thread since I posted that because I was embarrassed. Ignored the notifications completely. Tends to be the way I cope with anything negative, just shut it out. Another poster on this thread PMd me, which I'm really grateful for. 

 

I've been okay. I had a really bad time at the end of last year/beginning of this year with something I can't mention on here. Was a key worker until May then changed jobs and been working from home for a couple of months and the cabin fever has started getting to me. Feel like I'm walking about in a daze all the time and been bevvying far too much, which doesn't help.  Guess I'm a bit better than my earlier post though. Honestly wish I could just go away and travel but am totally stuck here now. Dont mean that in relation to Covid, just life shit. 

 

Thanks to you and others for  reaching out earlier this year and apologies for not responding sooner. 

Nothing to apologise for, Riddley..

 

You did nothing wrong, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles and glad to hear you’re a wee bit better.  Life can be pretty shite, Covid has certainly added to that, although I must say, it has not changed our lives hugely.  Fingers crossed  :) .

 

Thank you for responding, take care please.

 

Morgan

 

 

 

 

 

 

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JudyJudyJudy
3 hours ago, Thommo414 said:

I’m not so sure what the situation is with playgroups etc. Obviously with covid there’s been nothing like that on and even with lockdown being phased out, I’m finding it hard to keep up. My outburst last week definitely contained some home truths but the way I went about it and some extra comments I made were definitely out of line, I sobbed for a good while after. I’m trying to get her to come around to some sort of a solution whether it be social work, therapy etc but it’s still early doors atm 

Yes things are on hold just now re play schemes etc for kids . This must be frustrating for you both And causing tension . Hoops your able to work through these issues 

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47 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

Yes things are on hold just now re play schemes etc for kids . This must be frustrating for you both And causing tension . Hoops your able to work through these issues 

 

@Thommo414 JamesM48 is correct but the local authorities have nurseries open for vulnerable children, this doesn't mean children in danger so don't let the term put you off. 

Might be worth getting in touch with the local social work team.

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