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Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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9 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you need to talk then dm.  My dad got diagnosed with dementia and it's horrible seeing a proud hardworking and kind guy slowly becoming a shell.  

 

Was also a single dad for the last year as wife at university full time doing health visitor course which opens you up to all sorts of stuff you never want to hear about.  

 

Then 4th reorganisation in 2 years at work meant job up in air yet again...

 

Yet... things get better.  They really do.  

 

Talk to someone.  Anyone.  Hell I spoke to everyone once I finally accepted the help.

 

Also found writing stuff helped.  Here's a blog I've started...

 

https://dementiadad.home.blog/2019/03/01/making-memories-for-the-kids-part-1/

 

 

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Captain Canada
10 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. That's a lot of big things that have happened in your life in the last year. I've been in a situation myself where lots of huge, life changing things happened very close together and I felt the way you do every morning. 

 

I didn't talk to anyone for a long time and it only made things worse. I think people often expect men especially just to put a brave face on things and carry on, but in my experience that's not the best path to take.

 

I don't know if you're able to get time off or not. I carried on for ages because I had my own business but have since had periods where I've been signed off work and it helped me see things a bit differently and gave me time to think properly and get the help I needed. 

 

I don't know the full circumstances but if you're having to deal with all of this on your own just now, you should try to talk to someone asap.

 

Everyone's different, but I found it easier to talk to my GP than any friends or family members when I was really struggling. 

 

What you've said in your post is a lot for anyone to cope with so you need to be kind to yourself and get some help, even if it's just chatting on the phone to someone initially. 

 

I was in a really bad way for quite a while but things got much better when I got my thoughts and feelings out of my head by opening up to people. 

 

As the poster above said, writing stuff down can help too just by clearing your head a bit and seeing everything on paper rather than it going round and round in your mind. 

 

I hope there's someone you can talk to and that you can find time to look after yourself after everything that's happened. 

 

Edited by Captain Canada
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Dagger Is Back
On 04/02/2020 at 12:58, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really sorry to read this. You're not alone and all I can suggest is find someone that you can trust and talk to. Opening up to someone and talking through how you feel is so important. 

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the Hearts way

I possibly over reacted to reading/seeing the word 'suicidal' on the match day thread tonight and also never covered myself in  glory neither, with my retorts there after, but some of the replies I received? were ( in my humble opinion) 

bang out of order! 

All Jambos, stay strong and its 

Onwards and upwards no others fecking choice 🔛☝️

HHGH 🇱🇻💪

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Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

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9 minutes ago, Zlatanable said:

how can we help?

you thoughts aren't absolutely pathetic, 

 

I’ve no idea. I think things have just gotten to the stage where I’m not going to recover. I’m exhausted. 

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10 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

Mate. There's nothing i can say that will make you feel better. But ill try anyway. Why do you think there is a thread like this? Because there are many many people who feel/have felt the way you do. Well done for admitting your issues. And i guarantee your family don't think you are an embarrassment 

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Captain Canada
13 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

 

Nothing you've said sounds pathetic and I'm sure you're not an embarrassment to anyone. I've been in a similar situation where I could barely function due to being exhausted all the time because of how I was feeling. I'd wake up just as tired as when I went to bed. 

 

It sounds like this is happening because you've tried to stay strong for a long time through everything that's gone on. It certainly was in my case and then everything caught up with me. There's no shame in getting help and admitting things are really hard for you at the moment. All any of us can do is try our best in any given situation. Unwanted thoughts are just that - thoughts. It took me a long time to realise this. It's only natural to worry about what the future might hold for you but those things haven't happened and may never happen.

 

I can only give you the benefit of my own experience, but getting time and space to myself to do things I used to enjoy, speaking to people about how I was feeling and taking things one day at a time all helped. I hope you can get to your GP or call someone who can listen and help. Again, in my case, I got trapped in a cycle of negative thinking and believed all the thoughts I was having were true or that there was something seriously wrong with me when that wasn't the case. I was suffering because I'd bottled up how I was feeling about a number of different things that happened close together and tried to keep going for too long without any help. 

 

I hope some of this helps. Take care mate. 

Edited by Captain Canada
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Captain Canada

I know meditation isn't everyone's cup of tea but listening to guided meditations from an Australian guy called Jason Stephenson on YouTube had a calming effect on my mind. It helped lessen the constant worrying thoughts so I had a bit more clarity and less panicked feelings. 

 

It can take a bit of practice and getting used to, but it's worth it in my experience. 

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Dagger Is Back
20 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 


Nothing you’ve said sounds pathetic to any of us. 
 

As others have said you need to speak to your GP and your family.

 

Pretty sure they’ll not see you as an embarrassment and will give you the support you need

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14 hours ago, LeftBack said:

Thought i had it under control but no. Have had to leave job because they were so harsh after my breakdown. Can't sleep. 

Are you on medication, maybe need it put up a wee bit, i had a wobble in to the new year

but ok now, get back to docs and talk to them, take care bud.

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Not looked through this Thread so I apologise if it’s already been posted but I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and find the Headspace app helpA with me, I mediate every morning before work and at night and It makes me feel more settled it does got 50 pound for the year but if it helps then it’s well worth it.

 

Stay strong people and if anyone ever wants a chat I’ve always got an ear

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2 hours ago, violater said:

Not looked through this Thread so I apologise if it’s already been posted but I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and find the Headspace app helpA with me, I mediate every morning before work and at night and It makes me feel more settled it does got 50 pound for the year but if it helps then it’s well worth it.

 

Stay strong people and if anyone ever wants a chat I’ve always got an ear

 

I heard a feature on Radio 2 about Headspace and merely as a curiosity angle I tried the free offer just as an exercise in unwinding. Went on to get the App and would recommend it to anyone. Always thought meditation was overhyped but this particular version has lots to offer in terms of starting the day in a relaxed calm manner. Simple technique in maintaining a perspective in life. Might not work for everyone but I actually find it enjoyable.

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18 hours ago, LeftBack said:

Thought i had it under control but no. Have had to leave job because they were so harsh after my breakdown. Can't sleep. 

Hey there are always willing people on here to chat to.


Just give it a shout.

 

Take care.

 

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I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
 

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1 hour ago, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
 

Hi II

 

Sorry you had a rubbish time with the gp but I'm glad to hear you reached out to someone and that the mental health nurse gave a better experience. 

 

I was on diazepam a few years back (and beta blockers) having been signed off with stress and anxiety. Personally I found it effective at dialing down the intensity of my anxiety and panic. I would say it is possibly not a long term solution, but in the short term certainly effective, and I don't think I could have managed to get through a work day without breaking down if I didn't have it. The beta blockers were given to me as a more long term sustainable option, more focused on the physical symptoms of stress. No experience with the other drug you mention but hope this is useful. 

Please continue talking and posting while you are going through this. 

 

Cheers

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I'm depressed as ****, but dealing with it. 

If anyone needs to talk, geeza shout. 

Been through hell but still alive right here, alive as ****. 

 

 

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Arthur Morgan
3 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
 

 

Diazepam helps me, I only take it when I really need it though as apparently you can develop an addiction to it. Fluoxetine didn't do much for me (was nearly 10 years ago though tbf), been on medication for various mental health problems since around 18 years of age, but have had mental health problems since around the age of 14/15. These years are supposed to be the best of your life, certainly not been the case for me, now 27 and even worse than what I was before, been misdiagnosed and generally messed about by the 'professionals'. Sorry to sound so downbeat, it's just my personal experience, I'm sure there are others out there who will have had a completely different experience. 

 

I hope you get the help you need, you'll certainly receive plenty of support on this thread. 

Edited by Arthur Morgan
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On 15/02/2020 at 23:20, 132goals1958 said:

 

I heard a feature on Radio 2 about Headspace and merely as a curiosity angle I tried the free offer just as an exercise in unwinding. Went on to get the App and would recommend it to anyone. Always thought meditation was overhyped but this particular version has lots to offer in terms of starting the day in a relaxed calm manner. Simple technique in maintaining a perspective in life. Might not work for everyone but I actually find it enjoyable.


my mate swears by meditation and a lot of sports or fitness professionals i know do aswell. Im coming out the other-side of my mental heath issues (i hope) and just have to sort the physical problems that have stemmed from them. However , it is not something I tried. I would def recommend people at least look into it though based on what those mentioned above have said to me. Good shout 👌🏻
 

I think this is probably the best thread we have on here for all the sniping and digging people do at each other this thread is one where humanity comes out on top I think ❤️

Edited by sadj
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7 hours ago, sadj said:


my mate swears by meditation and a lot of sports or fitness professionals i know do aswell. Im coming out the other-side of my mental heath issues (i hope) and just have to sort the physical problems that have stemmed from them. However , it is not something I tried. I would def recommend people at least look into it though based on what those mentioned above have said to me. Good shout 👌🏻
 

I think this is probably the best thread we have on here for all the sniping and digging people do at each other this thread is one where humanity comes out on top I think ❤️

 

As I said I was sceptical about it and it was more or less an impulse reaction. I personally have found it extremely beneficial and for me it is an enjoyable 20 minutes which I try to maintain at a regular time each morning. Agree wholeheartedly with your observations on this thread and good to hear you are heading in the right direction. 👍

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AlphonseCapone

I've tried the meditation thing and it hasn't worked for me but maybe not seriously enough? I struggle to find the time and place to do it, is morning best, at night? I tried previously in the morning and also just felt like it was fine doing it but then once I was going again it was like I'd never done it in the first place. 

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3 hours ago, AlphonseCapone said:

I've tried the meditation thing and it hasn't worked for me but maybe not seriously enough? I struggle to find the time and place to do it, is morning best, at night? I tried previously in the morning and also just felt like it was fine doing it but then once I was going again it was like I'd never done it in the first place. 

Different people do it at different times I guess it depends on what works for you in terms of when you find yourself stressed, anxious or feeling down and then taking the time to go and meditate either before or after.

 

Finding a suitable place is a big part of it otherwise any distraction or place you arent comfortable is going to make it hard to work.

 

Its not for everyone thats for sure.

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rudi must stay

I recommend Stacey Dooley's documentary on mental health to anyone that struggles with depression a little bit. I couldn't be bothered with work recently or doing anything which is unlike me, but the documentary is an eye opener and hit home with me in parts so give it a watch if you feel similar. Good piece of work 

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On 21/02/2020 at 10:10, AlphonseCapone said:

I've tried the meditation thing and it hasn't worked for me but maybe not seriously enough? I struggle to find the time and place to do it, is morning best, at night? I tried previously in the morning and also just felt like it was fine doing it but then once I was going again it was like I'd never done it in the first place. 

 

You have sort of answered why it doesn,t work for you. Understandable as I initially experienced the same situation. There are odd occasions when I can,t set aside my normal time but generally I look forward to my headspace routine. 

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AlphonseCapone
1 hour ago, 132goals1958 said:

 

You have sort of answered why it doesn,t work for you. Understandable as I initially experienced the same situation. There are odd occasions when I can,t set aside my normal time but generally I look forward to my headspace routine. 

 

Aye I know, and it's probably the lack of routine and consistency that's meaning it feels like it doesn't work for me. How long did it take for you to feel like it was working, was it a straight away thing or a sorta realisation you were feeling a bit more relaxed/calm? 

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Just now, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Aye I know, and it's probably the lack of routine and consistency that's meaning it feels like it doesn't work for me. How long did it take for you to feel like it was working, was it a straight away thing or a sorta realisation you were feeling a bit more relaxed/calm? 

 

I would say 8 - 10 weeks, as at the outset, the mind wandered a bit (some would say it still does). It is still not a consistent benefit/return  but I definitely feel more relaxed and focused. I am an old codger and do a lot of walking and there are more opportunities for the likes of me to use some of the techniques than others throughout the day. 

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AlphonseCapone
5 minutes ago, 132goals1958 said:

 

I would say 8 - 10 weeks, as at the outset, the mind wandered a bit (some would say it still does). It is still not a consistent benefit/return  but I definitely feel more relaxed and focused. I am an old codger and do a lot of walking and there are more opportunities for the likes of me to use some of the techniques than others throughout the day. 

 

Thanks. I am going to try and commit to it more because so many people are positive about it. 

 

On walking, that's one activity that really does help me relax, but only if it's out in open, countryside. Walking home in Edinburgh City centre tends to send me the opposite way! 

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Just now, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Thanks. I am going to try and commit to it more because so many people are positive about it. 

 

On walking, that's one activity that really does help me relax, but only if it's out in open, countryside. Walking home in Edinburgh City centre tends to send me the opposite way! 

 

No bother. Keep at it. I walk in quieter surroundings and then on to the canal. Don.t resist it and hopefully it will all click into place.

 

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On 20/02/2020 at 20:30, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
I have had diazepam and fluoxetine. I suffer from ocd and had terrible anxiety at times. Diazepam is reasonably good at taking the edge off but made me feel dozy afterwards. As for fluoxetine, I changed from clomipramine onto this last summer and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I had terrible insomnia and horrendous itching at bed time. It also made me suffer short term memory loss, really awful confusion and horrific waking dreams. I know reactions vary in people but this was not for me
 

 

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Finally got a place on the mental health first aid course. Looking forward to it. I’ll let folk know how it goes. 
 

A couple of years ago I started a Wellbeing committee on campus, and last month I agreed to merge it with the mental health committee. With more people working together we should be able to achieve much more.


I think some of the people on this thread might benefit from starting/joining similar initiatives either at their own work or with the local authorities. I find it helps me if I focus on the issues other people experience, and then I can apply it to my own issues/situation afterwards. 

 

Also joined the Our Health scheme with UoE and SNHS. I’m going to help with the Cyrenians - looking to help homeless people who are being let down by the justice system.

 

Again I’ll let people know what my experiences are, in case it’s of any use/help. 👍

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7 hours ago, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Thanks. I am going to try and commit to it more because so many people are positive about it. 

 

On walking, that's one activity that really does help me relax, but only if it's out in open, countryside. Walking home in Edinburgh City centre tends to send me the opposite way! 

I can’t vouch high enough for walking.  I was at a place in my life around New Year last year where I’d hit the wall.  Had moved back to my Mum’s aged 40 feeling like a total failure in life following yet another relationship breakdown, but this time with kids involved. I was all over the shop.

 

One day I left work to head home and decided to walk part of the journey (wasn’t in a rush to get home as I didn’t really have anything to rush home for).  I set off from Dundas St with an audiobook in my lugs and walked along Inverleith Park.  Then I kept going along Ferry Road and before I knew it I was at the shore.  I kept going along Seafield then through Porty to my Mum’s in Musselburgh. The way I was feeling at the time, I would have just kept walking and walking.  I couldn’t feel anything, no tiredness or breathlessness, it was like I was just floating along.  9.5 miles in total and I felt brilliant for the first time in months.  My head was starting to clear.  I committed at that point to walking home from work at least twice a week and stuck to it (weather permitting).  In May last year this culminated in me doing a 30 mile charity walk at work from Balloch to the centre of Glasgow.  Big deal for me as I’m a fat ******* and can’t run to save myself.  Managed to get out of my Mum’s around that time as well and am now renting my own wee gaff on my tod.

 

I still battle with depression and anxiety on a daily basis ranging from mild frustration to all out isolation and tears.  What I will say is that the walking has probably saved my life.  It kept me distracted at a point in my life where I had no distractions or things to look forward to (coupled with Hearts being persistently shite during a period when I need most cheering up).    The weather plays its part of course, and with the recent storms I’ve hardly done any walking and it effects my mindset in a big way.  If I don’t do at least 10000 steps a day I feel like I’ve let myself and my body down.

 

Very proud of this thread though (and KB in general which acts as a daily distraction) and everyone on it who has been brave to speak up.  I think the anonymity of it definitely helps as well.

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3 hours ago, Gashauskis9 said:

I can’t vouch high enough for walking.  I was at a place in my life around New Year last year where I’d hit the wall.  Had moved back to my Mum’s aged 40 feeling like a total failure in life following yet another relationship breakdown, but this time with kids involved. I was all over the shop.

 

One day I left work to head home and decided to walk part of the journey (wasn’t in a rush to get home as I didn’t really have anything to rush home for).  I set off from Dundas St with an audiobook in my lugs and walked along Inverleith Park.  Then I kept going along Ferry Road and before I knew it I was at the shore.  I kept going along Seafield then through Porty to my Mum’s in Musselburgh. The way I was feeling at the time, I would have just kept walking and walking.  I couldn’t feel anything, no tiredness or breathlessness, it was like I was just floating along.  9.5 miles in total and I felt brilliant for the first time in months.  My head was starting to clear.  I committed at that point to walking home from work at least twice a week and stuck to it (weather permitting).  In May last year this culminated in me doing a 30 mile charity walk at work from Balloch to the centre of Glasgow.  Big deal for me as I’m a fat ******* and can’t run to save myself.  Managed to get out of my Mum’s around that time as well and am now renting my own wee gaff on my tod.

 

I still battle with depression and anxiety on a daily basis ranging from mild frustration to all out isolation and tears.  What I will say is that the walking has probably saved my life.  It kept me distracted at a point in my life where I had no distractions or things to look forward to (coupled with Hearts being persistently shite during a period when I need most cheering up).    The weather plays its part of course, and with the recent storms I’ve hardly done any walking and it effects my mindset in a big way.  If I don’t do at least 10000 steps a day I feel like I’ve let myself and my body down.

 

Very proud of this thread though (and KB in general which acts as a daily distraction) and everyone on it who has been brave to speak up.  I think the anonymity of it definitely helps as well.

Totally agree re walking. Love putting headphones on and can easily let an hour go past. Its not the same without a dog though. Wish i could get one but i know the responsibility and it wouldn't be fair. Would be fantastic! 

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On 15/02/2020 at 20:39, Harry Potter said:

Are you on medication, maybe need it put up a wee bit, i had a wobble in to the new year

but ok now, get back to docs and talk to them, take care bud.

Double the dose of sereatine but not taken yet. Worried about the side effects 

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I’ve stayed away from this thread for various reasons but I can relate to so much tbh. Some terrific posters on here who have reached out to me over the last 2 years or so. 

 

Didnt know it at the time but being married to my ex left with on medication and suffering crippling anxiety. Four years of slowly losing my self worth and essentially my well being. Deep down I knew her controlling nature and the fact that she was so unsupportive towards me was the reason I was in the place I was. I had given up and existed merely for my kids. Nothing else. 
 

Fast forward 6 months - I took the steps of walking away from her and divorcing her immediately. No discussion at all. Through the support of a good friend (she was amazing) and my doctor I came off the medication and slowly started to be ME again - the ME that had disappeared years ago. Wasn’t all down to my ex wife at all.,.. think I suffered for years prior to meeting her but being married and feeling alone made me become the person I was. 

 

Now, I’ve booked my first holiday since 2008, countless weekends away with either kids or friends. Actually socialise now. I befriend kids with HIV issues through a charity called Stay Positive here in Edinburgh. Started running again. Met lots of tremendous people especially the ladies 👍. Having a laugh again after so long. 
 

Why am I typing this....well I think the first step is recognising that there is a problem mentally and reaching out is so it’s important to talk. 
 

Secondly accept rest some decisions you make may seem unpalatable but you have to be selfish to a point.

 

Thirdly accept that it’s not a quick fix and whilst everyone is different you will need some kind of support for the long term so get in place.

 

Lastly for me being on medication for so long made me flatline so if you feel strong enough in time consider reducing your medication and ultimately stop it. This might not be for everyone but for me it’s given he the energy to get my life back to something like I was 10 years ago. 
 

Set yourself goals big and small. Be prepared for difficult times but having a support network and focussing on things that ultimately matter you can achieve so much more. 
 

Good luck everyone 

 

 

Paul 
 

  

Edited by PTBCAL
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7 hours ago, LeftBack said:

Double the dose of sereatine but not taken yet. Worried about the side effects 

Obviously keep in touch with your doctor if side effects are bad, hope you get better

bud, try and stay positive, i know its not easy.

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AlphonseCapone
14 hours ago, PTBCAL said:

I’ve stayed away from this thread for various reasons but I can relate to so much tbh. Some terrific posters on here who have reached out to me over the last 2 years or so. 

 

Didnt know it at the time but being married to my ex left with on medication and suffering crippling anxiety. Four years of slowly losing my self worth and essentially my well being. Deep down I knew her controlling nature and the fact that she was so unsupportive towards me was the reason I was in the place I was. I had given up and existed merely for my kids. Nothing else. 
 

Fast forward 6 months - I took the steps of walking away from her and divorcing her immediately. No discussion at all. Through the support of a good friend (she was amazing) and my doctor I came off the medication and slowly started to be ME again - the ME that had disappeared years ago. Wasn’t all down to my ex wife at all.,.. think I suffered for years prior to meeting her but being married and feeling alone made me become the person I was. 

 

Now, I’ve booked my first holiday since 2008, countless weekends away with either kids or friends. Actually socialise now. I befriend kids with HIV issues through a charity called Stay Positive here in Edinburgh. Started running again. Met lots of tremendous people especially the ladies 👍. Having a laugh again after so long. 
 

Why am I typing this....well I think the first step is recognising that there is a problem mentally and reaching out is so it’s important to talk. 
 

Secondly accept rest some decisions you make may seem unpalatable but you have to be selfish to a point.

 

Thirdly accept that it’s not a quick fix and whilst everyone is different you will need some kind of support for the long term so get in place.

 

Lastly for me being on medication for so long made me flatline so if you feel strong enough in time consider reducing your medication and ultimately stop it. This might not be for everyone but for me it’s given he the energy to get my life back to something like I was 10 years ago. 
 

Set yourself goals big and small. Be prepared for difficult times but having a support network and focussing on things that ultimately matter you can achieve so much more. 
 

Good luck everyone 

 

 

Paul 
 

  

 

A lot in this that I recognised. Good post and advice 👍

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Dagger Is Back

For those of us who suffer SAD, hang in there folks. Sunrise at 642am on 9 March and sunset at 1805. Clocks going forward on 29 March, we're getting there, slowly but surely 

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43 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said:

For those of us who suffer SAD, hang in there folks. Sunrise at 642am on 9 March and sunset at 1805. Clocks going forward on 29 March, we're getting there, slowly but surely 

 

Best time of year, the night the clocks go forward.

 

Edited by Special Officer Doofy
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2 hours ago, Dagger Is Back said:

For those of us who suffer SAD, hang in there folks. Sunrise at 642am on 9 March and sunset at 1805. Clocks going forward on 29 March, we're getting there, slowly but surely 

My mate suffers from that. can hardly get him out the house to the pub after the clocks change in October. Usual a bit better by early December. 

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Captain Canada
8 hours ago, Dagger Is Back said:

For those of us who suffer SAD, hang in there folks. Sunrise at 642am on 9 March and sunset at 1805. Clocks going forward on 29 March, we're getting there, slowly but surely 

 

I've found it hard going this winter but I can drive home from work in daylight now and can't wait for the clocks to change. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
3 hours ago, Zlatanable said:

Yeah, I am ok now. 

Thanks for asking @LeftBack

 

I just felt like things were changing, and life had changed. 

Stick in there mate. 

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On 23/02/2020 at 01:38, LeftBack said:

Totally agree re walking. Love putting headphones on and can easily let an hour go past. Its not the same without a dog though. Wish i could get one but i know the responsibility and it wouldn't be fair. Would be fantastic! 


I’m very lucky where I live , I have several long walks for the divadog right on my doorstep. Im a 100 yards from a huge park with woods a river etc. I just put on a comedy podcast for the most part and walk away listening to that and it definately helps. Also gives me an excuse (in my head) to forget what a treadmill is. Richard Herrings RHLSTP is prob my favourite for this. 
 

Other things people can read up on that I have prob mentioned on here before are supplements such as L-Glutamine , 5-HTP and Maca Root Powder. These won’t help for everyone but it takes 5minutes to read up on and may help.

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Just now, sadj said:


I’m very lucky where I live , I have several long walks for the divadog right on my doorstep. Im a 100 yards from a huge park with woods a river etc. I just put on a comedy podcast for the most part and walk away listening to that and it definately helps. Also gives me an excuse (in my head) to forget what a treadmill is. Richard Herrings RHLSTP is prob my favourite for this. 
 

Other things people can read up on that I have prob mentioned on here before are supplements such as L-Glutamine , 5-HTP and Maca Root Powder. These won’t help for everyone but it takes 5minutes to read up on and may help.

Have you listened to the Ricky Gervais podcast? Used to walk for miles listening to that 

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23 minutes ago, LeftBack said:

Have you listened to the Ricky Gervais podcast? Used to walk for miles listening to that 

No , will give it a try though , i like his early stuff

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Suso Santana

I've been on the Fluoxetine capsules for a month, 

Didn't notice much of a change other than severe diarrhea in the last few days.

Doctor wanted to double the dose..

**** that. 

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Been in a bit of depression for probably as long as I can remember, going as far back as about 12 years old, I had adhd which I used as an excuse for all of the problems I had. Seemed to lose that when I turned about 16 or 17 and then decided that getting drunk nearly every day was a great way to be. Borrowing money off people just to have another pint because i didn't want to go home n sit bored in my room. Then I started to get myself loans and credit cards I realistically couldn't afford, got into a wee mess with drugs, blamed my low mood and depression on my money problems, or splitting up with my partner, work, everything in my life was not a good thing for me. And despite several suicide attempts and giving up, I sorted my debt, got back with my ex, got myself into a steady and secure work environment and then finally accepted the word DENIAL. All of my life I have pretty much had an excuse to be so down, secluded and anti social, I have taken about 15 years to get to the stage where I can finally accept who I am and how I have always got to ruin things in my life, I get to a stage where I'm almost there and can see the real future and the happy ending. Then something in my head seems to press a switch and say nah, almost, but you can't be happy and I will always take a risk or make a daft decision I know will ruin the whole lot.  I have finally asked for a diagnosis and a way out of the problem I have.  Bipolar symptoms,  borderline personality disorder,  as well as mania, depression and a fear of abandonment are some of the things flagged up in my first appointment, and I feel so much better accepting that word denial and I feel like the weight and expectation I have has been lifted from me, I dont feel like I need to pretend i am someone I'm not just to make someone happy, i don't want that to get me back to feeling like i know i will always do something bad just to help me or my mindset. Sorry for the rant, but if it helps one person on here then I'll be happy with that, the word denial is the most powerful thing that has had such a positive impact on my mindset. Still ongoing with doctors and mental health experts but it finally for the first time in my life feels like there is an alternative way out. 

 

Anyone struggling feel free to pm and can chat about their feelings.  I've been through so many things in my life I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy so I do understand and I can guarantee I have done worse, felt worse and I thought that meant I had to go. 

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