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Bridge of Djoum

Great thread....Can't express how impressed I am at some of the responses.

 

Good work lads and lasses.

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The Future's Maroon

The Futures Maroon

 

I read every word of your story.

 

I'm so glad things are working out. Your new boss sounds just what you've needed.

 

Do you think it's the case that a lot of what went wrong in your life began with the death of your wee sister?

To be honest that is a hard one to answer, after speaking to my parents years and years later they told me that if it wasnt for her dying they wouldnt have tried for any more, due to that five years later they had another baby girl (frighteningly) simililar in appearance at an early age....who is now a mother herself.

 

There is a saying, things happen for a reason - my ex used it a lot and I hate it, but I have to look at the big picture too. I wouldn't have my current Sister or Neice if that horrible thing didnt happen when I was young.

 

 

Thanks for the comments folks, I had typed that up and spent about half an hour thinking about whether I should post it cos it was quiet personal...and I know I have mates/workmates on here who dont know me by my username, reading that they may 'click' to who I am.

 

Scott - thanks bud, I do call them every so often because they do help and for some reason when things are bad I find it easier to talk to a stranger than telling my friends or family (very weird I think, but it works).

Edited by The Future's Maroon
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The Wrinkly Ninja

To be honest that is a hard one to answer, after speaking to my parents years and years later they told me that if it wasnt for her dying they wouldnt have tried for any more, due to that five years later they had another baby girl (frighteningly) simililar in appearance at an early age....who is now a mother herself.

 

There is a saying, things happen for a reason - my ex used it a lot and I hate it, but I have to look at the big picture too. I wouldn't have my current Sister or Neice if that horrible thing didnt happen when I was young.

 

 

Thanks for the comments folks, I had typed that up and spent about half an hour thinking about whether I should post it cos it was quiet personal...and I know I have mates/workmates on here who dont know me by my username, reading that they may 'click' to who I am.

 

Scott - thanks bud, I do call them every so often because they do help and for some reason when things are bad I find it easier to talk to a stranger than telling my friends or family (very weird I think, but it works).

 

Absolute respect for sharing your story.....inspiring! truly inspiring!

 

So happy that you seem to have found something that helps you live with your illness.

 

All the replies on this thread have shown how different things have worked for different people...medication, talking therapies etc, and for you having a confiding relationship..be that your boss or breathing space....even us roasters!

 

Keep it up mate! and keep letting us know how you are getting on!

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Craigieboy

TFM

 

I personally don't believe in sayings like that. Some things are just too tragic and painful to contain any sort of meaning or reason. I get what you're saying though.

 

Life does deal folk plenty of blows. I suppose it kind of shapes you as a person.

 

Good to hear things are looking up these days.

 

Take care mate.

Edited by Craigieboy
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The Future's Maroon

Amazing how we can come on here (almost all of us) and act the ****** at times, myself included, but when it comes to a serious topic like depression we can all become someone to confide in...even over a 'daft internet forum'.

 

This thread is easily the best I have read in my life on any forum.

 

Top marks to everyone, those who like myself shared their story and to those who gave supporting messages.

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Ah the old black dog, would be an amusing subject to discuss if the consequences of it weren't so horrific.

Amusing because the behaviour you can exhibit can be, in hindsight, utterly bizarre. Add anxiety into the mix and you could almost write a comedy show. Alas, it really is no laughing matter, even though laughing is one of the best ways to deal with it, in my own personal experience anyway.

You can?t really blame people who have never suffered from it to for failing to understand it, as I?d imagine most people who have suffered don?t even fully understand it. I was one of the ?man up?, ?grow a pair? types before I got a serious bout of it. Even now I don?t think I fully do, nor really know how to express how I feel, but I will give it a good bash anyway.

 

I will say I?ve never received any professional help for it, nor even professionally diagnosed(although something I am considering doing if it flares up again, which the warning bells are starting to ring about). It also took a long time for me to realise what i was going through, mostly because it was hidden behind a large cloud of alcohol and drugs. It all started as a teenager(26 now), something that happened where I felt like I got my back stabbed by a large amount of people, whether I did or not is still open to debate but it left a large impression on me due to my ability never to really trust anyone since, unless they have walked over a salt plain after walking over broken glass for me. At the end of the day only your mother would do that for so you can imagine the issues that it has caused me in the years since, with relationships in particular.

 

Living your life as coldly as possible isn?t healthy for anyone. Nobody to confide in, nobody to grieve with, nobody to talk to when things get a bit shit. On the other side, having nobody to experience the pleasures of life with can be equally as soul destroying, feeling like you doubt anyone would care enough to celebrate your successes with you. Going home to an empty flat can be equally as gut wrenching on a brilliant day as it is on a bad day, something a lot of people don?t seem to realise. Depression has a habit of hitting you, well me at least, when you?re at the top or the bottom of an emotional rollercoaster. In fact if anything, it probably hits me hardest when I really should be at the top of the world, or ?buzzing?. I can remember getting home recently after an extremely successful day financially, absolutely buzzing. Yet soon as it dawned on me I was going to spend the rest of the night on my own watching tv with an expensive bottle of wine for 1, it just seemed completely irrelevant and a part of me wished it just never happened, how bizarre.

 

I am going to stop right there as I actually have no idea where I?m going with this now, the whole thing just seems like a bit of an inane ramble actually. I will return at some point to finish off what I was saying, when I remember what my point was exactly.

 

But I think this is the first time I?ve even mentioned it to anyone else and probably the first time I?ve even really thought about hard and deep.

 

But talking about it did feel good and although the content won?t really help anyone else, hopefully it will encourage someone else just to ramble and hopefully feel better for it, I know I did.

 

Cheers to all the contributors, only really skimmed through it all but it did help massively, cheers again.

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The futures maroon, that was an excellent post.

 

As other posters have said, keep talking to people because there are plenty people there to support you.

 

I read this thread in full again because I wanted to see how far I had come since I first posted in it. It's almost two and a half years since I was first diagnosed with depression and I can happily say that I have not had any depressive phases in almost a year now. My life is far from perfect, in fact some aspects of it are pretty damn complicated, but these past few months in particular I have felt a certain calmness and at peace with myself which I hadn't felt in years. Obviously I still have days where I feel a wee bit down but the good days now outweigh the bad and I'm hoping things will stay like this for a while. There's a couple of things happening later on in the year that are outwith my control that may change things but having awareness of my triggers is allowing me to sort of prepare for that now so that when it happens I already have the support.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well :)

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Craigieboy

The futures maroon, that was an excellent post.

 

As other posters have said, keep talking to people because there are plenty people there to support you.

 

I read this thread in full again because I wanted to see how far I had come since I first posted in it. It's almost two and a half years since I was first diagnosed with depression and I can happily say that I have not had any depressive phases in almost a year now. My life is far from perfect, in fact some aspects of it are pretty damn complicated, but these past few months in particular I have felt a certain calmness and at peace with myself which I hadn't felt in years. Obviously I still have days where I feel a wee bit down but the good days now outweigh the bad and I'm hoping things will stay like this for a while. There's a couple of things happening later on in the year that are outwith my control that may change things but having awareness of my triggers is allowing me to sort of prepare for that now so that when it happens I already have the support.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well :)

 

Keep focused on the goal of getting well Shapes.

 

You looked in fine form last weekend & having noticed your posts on this in the past I genuinely got the impression you were on top of it.

 

:thumbsup:

 

Keep up the fight.

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Captain Canada

Haven't read this thread for a while but am glad I did. I also find it much easier to talk to strangers about my anxiety and depression than anyone close to me.

 

I had a bit of a meltdown lately due to stress at work, anxiety, depression and the death of my best friend. It ended up with me crying my eyes out in front of my GP.

 

I was prescribed 20mg citalopram initially which didn't make a difference so I got put onto 40mg tablets which seem to be working.

 

I'd had depression and anxiety problems before after bereavements and had taken prozac and had CBT and counselling. I still didn't really spot the signs this time until it was too late and was crying almost every day on the drive home from work.

 

I went through some horrible times when I had suicidal thoughts and almost started self harming.

 

I'm not sharing all this as a 'look at me' type post. I just hope it might help someone else to do do something about the way they're feeling.

 

I have since started a new job in a much more positive atmosphere and the pills are beginning to take effect and I feel more positive than I have done in a long time.

 

I doubt it will be the last time I go through a bad spell but I will just keep going and try to deal with it as best I can in the future.

 

In my experience turning to drink as an emotional crutch is one of the worst things you can do. I drank every night for months and it really made things much worse.

 

Sorry if this has turned into a ramble! I know how lonely it can be to suffer with depression and anxiety and how talking to someone can really help. If it needs to be a stranger then so be it.

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John Gentleman

Ah the old black dog, would be an amusing subject to discuss if the consequences of it weren't so horrific.

Amusing because the behaviour you can exhibit can be, in hindsight, utterly bizarre. Add anxiety into the mix and you could almost write a comedy show. Alas, it really is no laughing matter, even though laughing is one of the best ways to deal with it, in my own personal experience anyway.

You can?t really blame people who have never suffered from it to for failing to understand it, as I?d imagine most people who have suffered don?t even fully understand it. I was one of the ?man up?, ?grow a pair? types before I got a serious bout of it. Even now I don?t think I fully do, nor really know how to express how I feel, but I will give it a good bash anyway.

 

I will say I?ve never received any professional help for it, nor even professionally diagnosed(although something I am considering doing if it flares up again, which the warning bells are starting to ring about). It also took a long time for me to realise what i was going through, mostly because it was hidden behind a large cloud of alcohol and drugs. It all started as a teenager(26 now), something that happened where I felt like I got my back stabbed by a large amount of people, whether I did or not is still open to debate but it left a large impression on me due to my ability never to really trust anyone since, unless they have walked over a salt plain after walking over broken glass for me. At the end of the day only your mother would do that for so you can imagine the issues that it has caused me in the years since, with relationships in particular.

 

Living your life as coldly as possible isn?t healthy for anyone. Nobody to confide in, nobody to grieve with, nobody to talk to when things get a bit shit. On the other side, having nobody to experience the pleasures of life with can be equally as soul destroying, feeling like you doubt anyone would care enough to celebrate your successes with you. Going home to an empty flat can be equally as gut wrenching on a brilliant day as it is on a bad day, something a lot of people don?t seem to realise. Depression has a habit of hitting you, well me at least, when you?re at the top or the bottom of an emotional rollercoaster. In fact if anything, it probably hits me hardest when I really should be at the top of the world, or ?buzzing?. I can remember getting home recently after an extremely successful day financially, absolutely buzzing. Yet soon as it dawned on me I was going to spend the rest of the night on my own watching tv with an expensive bottle of wine for 1, it just seemed completely irrelevant and a part of me wished it just never happened, how bizarre.

 

I am going to stop right there as I actually have no idea where I?m going with this now, the whole thing just seems like a bit of an inane ramble actually. I will return at some point to finish off what I was saying, when I remember what my point was exactly.

 

But I think this is the first time I?ve even mentioned it to anyone else and probably the first time I?ve even really thought about hard and deep.

 

But talking about it did feel good and although the content won?t really help anyone else, hopefully it will encourage someone else just to ramble and hopefully feel better for it, I know I did.

 

Cheers to all the contributors, only really skimmed through it all but it did help massively, cheers again.

 

It's anything but an inane ramble. Almost everything you said, I can relate to personally.

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Guest GhostHunter

The biggest solace I have, when I wake up in the morning and know there's a bad spell coming, is to immediately jump on this thread and read it.

 

From start to finish.

 

There's always one post, that at that particular moment helps me. It may be from a different person each time, but there's always one post that helps me take stock, take a step back, take a deep breath, and force me to "get up" and move on.

 

The bad spell still comes, but I'm in a better place to be able to deal with it - and whilst clearly not a cure-all, you guys on here are always helping.

 

So, a huge thank you from me.

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Knowing we are not alone in what is, sadly, such a common illness, helps enormously.

 

Whilst people's circumstances are different there is a lot of commonality in the process by which people end up getting help - again that in many ways is reassuring to know that others can empathize and understand what we are going through.

 

It's cathartic to get it off your chest and this thread is almost entirely non-judgemental - that helps too. And the sharing helps everyone else so it's very productive.

 

This forum at it's best. :)

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Juan Rom?n Riquelme

The biggest solace I have, when I wake up in the morning and know there's a bad spell coming, is to immediately jump on this thread and read it.

 

From start to finish.

 

There's always one post, that at that particular moment helps me. It may be from a different person each time, but there's always one post that helps me take stock, take a step back, take a deep breath, and force me to "get up" and move on.

 

The bad spell still comes, but I'm in a better place to be able to deal with it - and whilst clearly not a cure-all, you guys on here are always helping.

 

So, a huge thank you from me.

 

Yeah. It's nice that on even on an internet forum where people are often a lot more curt and volatile than they are in real life, nearly everyone has been kind and looked out for each other on this thread. I'm very grateful for all the kind words people have given me and I hope I've maybe helped others a little.

 

I'm still struggling at the moment. There hasn't really been a day in my adult life where I've really felt mentally 100%. It feels as though I lost something in my late teens. I thought I'd overcome this as I entered my 20s but now I think it might just be something I have to deal with for my whole life.

 

It's a frightening prospect and some days are just so intense and stressful that I don't think I'll be able to cope but you have to just try and battle on one way or another.

 

I hope when I look back on my life this 4 or 5 years will look like one rainy day in a beautiful summer but right now I'm just trying to get things on an even keel.

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Guest GhostHunter

The one singular event that's caused the biggest pain in my life, and the one thing that I just can't move on from, is my dad dying in 1998 and not being able to see him before he went.

 

It kills me that's he never knew my kids, it kills me that he didn't want me to see him - and I know now, 16 years on, that the dark times I sometimes go through, are because of the guilt I feel.

 

Knowing what's possibly causing the bad spells help, dealing with them though, well that's a whole different matter.

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Brian Whittaker's Tache

I've suffered from depression on and off now for ten plus years. No idea what the underlying causes are and I'm a pretty outgoing and cheery guy most of the time but lately it's getting harder and harder to keep that mask on.`

 

First diagnosed properly about ten years ago and spent a 2 years on stronger and stronger doses of Citalopram which didn't really give any meaningful benefit. The best way to describe their effect was that a massive wet blanket had been thrown over my emotions. There weren't any real lows but then again there weren't any real highs either, despite a couple of really amazing things happening which I should have been beside myself about under normal circumstances. I had moved in with my girlfriend and out of London and I had no friends and no real social contact as I worked from home as a freelancer. This didn't help my depression and I'm not proud to admit I came pretty close to hanging myself up a couple of times. The only thing that stopped me was that I knew if I had it would have killed my parents. Me and my GF eventually split up because of this and the fact that she was pressuring me to start a family, something I was in no frame of mind to do as basically I had spent the last two years in bed. I moved back to Edinburgh and the change of scenery and having old friends round me helped put me back on an even keel. The other downside to this was that after two years of not working, I ended up in serious debt and years later my credit rating is still not the best after I defaulted on a bank loan I'll never be able to pay back.

 

My second episode happened about three years ago. My families business went bust, my folks were arguing all the time and I was stuck in the middle clearing up the mess (literally) of a failed building business. Me and my partner split up and my own business was dying on its ass into the bargain. Cue another trip to the docs and a year on Prozac this time. These worked much better for me that the Citalopram and I discovered CBT (or my simplified version which basically consists of "don't think about shit too much")

 

Fast forward to the latter part of last year. Everything is good as I've been seeing the woman of my dreams for over a year and I'm totally loved up. I'm 45 and I've never felt like this about anyone. One night Friday night I'm walking round Tesco and I get a text from her saying she's collapsed at work and is in ERI. Docs cant find anything wrong but about a week later she starts having panic attacks and falls into a deep depression. She has issues from her past, her abusive father died in jail after she gave evidence in court that helped convict him of domestic abuse and her marriage to the first guy she ever went out with ended really badly not long before we met. I was her second boyfriend (She's 35) I spend the next three months looking after her, trying to get her help and a fortnight before Valentines Day she ends the relationship as she cant cope and needs to be on her own. I'm gutted but after about a week she comes back and we try again. It lasts a week and we split again. 4 weeks later we try again and another week later we split up. This goes on in this pattern until about 3 weeks ago. The last time we met I lost it and was really nasty via text and we haven't really spoken since. This is killing me as I feel as hurt and sore today as I did in February. I can feel another episode coming on and I'm trying my hardest to keep it together as I have my business which is doing really well now to think about. I have so much pressure in my life, my parent set this business up with their pension money and I feel like I'm gambling with that. I work six days a week although sometimes I just lock myself in the office and play mindless games online to avoid the real world. I also get the male equivalent of HRT (I suffer from low testosterone levels) which affects my mood as well and I've missed my treatment last week which isn't helping.

 

Dont really know why I'm typing this apart from it feels kinda cathartic to get it out there.

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  • 2 months later...
Juan Rom?n Riquelme

Looking for some advice guys.

 

Got a job interview on Tuesday for a regular old Monday to Friday job, which is obviously no big deal in itself.

 

Basically though, for the past year or so I've basically been doing on again and off again work for a few weeks at a time here and there. This arose after I left University. Basically was at an all time low mental health wise, couldn't cope and just ended up packing in everything work and Uni wise and staying with my parents again while I got treatment.

 

For the past year or so I've basically been doing general office stuff for a a week/couple of weeks at a time covering peoples holidays and stuff every month or two. Basically temping but all at the same place as I know the office manager.

 

Not sure how to explain this when I go for my interview. I was perfectly honest on my application and stated that I'd been working occasionally for the past year or so but I'm not sure whether I should come out and say it was for mental health reasons why I've got quite a big gap in my CV. I want to be honest and just tell them straight up the situation but people I've spoken to reckon it might not be a great idea as I'm unlikely to get the job.

 

Health wise, I'm the best I've been for a long time and the hours of this job would be perfect for me to keep that being the case. I don't want to tell any lies but I would also really like the job so bit torn at the moment.

Edited by Dani Parejo
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Dani Parejo, firstly well done on getting treatment to help yourself and for getting to where you are now, evidently in a much better place than before. Personally (and this is just my opinion so don't take it entirely seriously as I'm no expert to job interviews), I would mention it, while also explaining the hard work you put into getting better and make sure to mention how things are much better for you now. therefore it won't interfere in your current work. I'm not entirely sure but I think it's illegal and discrimination for them to mark you down over something like this. This is just my opinion though, but I'm a ******* fool. Also and perhaps most importantly, good luck for the interview :thumbsup: .

 

In light of the tragic death of the hilarious Robin Williams, I was thinking of bringing this thread back up. With depression in the spotlight the world over, I feel that this would be an ideal time to try and gently coax any underlying problems out of those who nervously needs to get something out even just to vent, and to offer support and advice, or even to show those who suffer that they are not alone in this. While JKB might not be everyone's ideal place for this sort of discussion, personally I feel it's a resource or group of great help, and one where even an acknowledging reply can make a huge difference.

 

So, how is everyone then :) ?

Edited by peter_hmfc
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Well firstly I would say the fact that you've been honest about your work schedule and got the interview suggests it's not going to be a factor that prevents them employing you so don't panic about it. The most important thing is to prepare like hell and make sure you perform so well at interview that they have no doubts that you're the best candidate for the role.

 

Depending on the level of the role there's a good chance it won't even be a factor. You'll likely get asked to give them a bit of background about yourself and what you've been doing recently but this doesn't mean you need to give them a day by day break down. You could easily enough discuss the ad hoc work you've been doing along with any other extra-curricular activities that may support your application in a general basis and decide not to mention that this has been on and off. You've already been up front in your application and the purpose of a job interview is to show your qualities. Anyone who interviews for a job omits plenty that they don't wish to share at interview for whatever reason and unless you outright lie when asked something I wouldn't lose any sleep over it at all.

 

If a situation does come up where you feel you have to bring up your health issues or you feel that you wouldn't be comfortable not doing it then I would say just explain that you had some medical concerns which impacted your ability to work full-time but that you are fully ready to get back into a full time position. That you've still worked and built up experience despite your health is to your credit and shows dedication and ambition.

 

The most important thing is that you nail the interview. There's so much good information online so read, read, read and practice, practice, practice. If you go in there on the day and knock it out the park then the chance they won't offer you the role due to your previous health is so remote that if it was to happen I would think you had a narrow escape avoiding a company who operates in that manner as you'd likely just encounter no end of shit down the line.

 

Good luck.

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I've suffered from depression on and off now for ten plus years. No idea what the underlying causes are and I'm a pretty outgoing and cheery guy most of the time but lately it's getting harder and harder to keep that mask on.`

 

First diagnosed properly about ten years ago and spent a 2 years on stronger and stronger doses of Citalopram which didn't really give any meaningful benefit. The best way to describe their effect was that a massive wet blanket had been thrown over my emotions. There weren't any real lows but then again there weren't any real highs either, despite a couple of really amazing things happening which I should have been beside myself about under normal circumstances. I had moved in with my girlfriend and out of London and I had no friends and no real social contact as I worked from home as a freelancer. This didn't help my depression and I'm not proud to admit I came pretty close to hanging myself up a couple of times. The only thing that stopped me was that I knew if I had it would have killed my parents. Me and my GF eventually split up because of this and the fact that she was pressuring me to start a family, something I was in no frame of mind to do as basically I had spent the last two years in bed. I moved back to Edinburgh and the change of scenery and having old friends round me helped put me back on an even keel. The other downside to this was that after two years of not working, I ended up in serious debt and years later my credit rating is still not the best after I defaulted on a bank loan I'll never be able to pay back.

 

My second episode happened about three years ago. My families business went bust, my folks were arguing all the time and I was stuck in the middle clearing up the mess (literally) of a failed building business. Me and my partner split up and my own business was dying on its ass into the bargain. Cue another trip to the docs and a year on Prozac this time. These worked much better for me that the Citalopram and I discovered CBT (or my simplified version which basically consists of "don't think about shit too much")

 

Fast forward to the latter part of last year. Everything is good as I've been seeing the woman of my dreams for over a year and I'm totally loved up. I'm 45 and I've never felt like this about anyone. One night Friday night I'm walking round Tesco and I get a text from her saying she's collapsed at work and is in ERI. Docs cant find anything wrong but about a week later she starts having panic attacks and falls into a deep depression. She has issues from her past, her abusive father died in jail after she gave evidence in court that helped convict him of domestic abuse and her marriage to the first guy she ever went out with ended really badly not long before we met. I was her second boyfriend (She's 35) I spend the next three months looking after her, trying to get her help and a fortnight before Valentines Day she ends the relationship as she cant cope and needs to be on her own. I'm gutted but after about a week she comes back and we try again. It lasts a week and we split again. 4 weeks later we try again and another week later we split up. This goes on in this pattern until about 3 weeks ago. The last time we met I lost it and was really nasty via text and we haven't really spoken since. This is killing me as I feel as hurt and sore today as I did in February. I can feel another episode coming on and I'm trying my hardest to keep it together as I have my business which is doing really well now to think about. I have so much pressure in my life, my parent set this business up with their pension money and I feel like I'm gambling with that. I work six days a week although sometimes I just lock myself in the office and play mindless games online to avoid the real world. I also get the male equivalent of HRT (I suffer from low testosterone levels) which affects my mood as well and I've missed my treatment last week which isn't helping.

 

Dont really know why I'm typing this apart from it feels kinda cathartic to get it out there.

 

I realise you wrote this post a while ago, but I just wanted to say I hope things have picked up for you.

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Had episodes of depresssion for about sixteen years now. I can usually cope with it and work through it with almost no-one knowing I have a problem - however I have had to have two fairly long periods off work over the past five years with it. A real sod when it comes on at it's worst.

Had depression for about 10 years and had most medication for it, drug free just now , and coping well with life , think it was very much work related stress at 1st ,

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Dusk_Till_Dawn

Looking for some advice guys.

 

Got a job interview on Tuesday for a regular old Monday to Friday job, which is obviously no big deal in itself.

 

Basically though, for the past year or so I've basically been doing on again and off again work for a few weeks at a time here and there. This arose after I left University. Basically was at an all time low mental health wise, couldn't cope and just ended up packing in everything work and Uni wise and staying with my parents again while I got treatment.

 

For the past year or so I've basically been doing general office stuff for a a week/couple of weeks at a time covering peoples holidays and stuff every month or two. Basically temping but all at the same place as I know the office manager.

 

Not sure how to explain this when I go for my interview. I was perfectly honest on my application and stated that I'd been working occasionally for the past year or so but I'm not sure whether I should come out and say it was for mental health reasons why I've got quite a big gap in my CV. I want to be honest and just tell them straight up the situation but people I've spoken to reckon it might not be a great idea as I'm unlikely to get the job.

 

Health wise, I'm the best I've been for a long time and the hours of this job would be perfect for me to keep that being the case. I don't want to tell any lies but I would also really like the job so bit torn at the moment.

 

I'd like to think that they'd admire your honestly and also the fact that you're persevering with trying to find and hold down work, rather than just giving it all up. If you think that the job would be a good way of keeping you level then say that to them - tell them that you see hard work in a job you enjoy as as crucial to your well-being. Make it sound like a reason to be committed.

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Juan Rom?n Riquelme

Dani Parejo, firstly well done on getting treatment to help yourself and for getting to where you are now, evidently in a much better place than before. Personally (and this is just my opinion so don't take it entirely seriously as I'm no expert to job interviews), I would mention it, while also explaining the hard work you put into getting better and make sure to mention how things are much better for you now. therefore it won't interfere in your current work. I'm not entirely sure but I think it's illegal and discrimination for them to mark you down over something like this. This is just my opinion though, but I'm a ******* fool. Also and perhaps most importantly, good luck for the interview :thumbsup: .

 

In light of the tragic death of the hilarious Robin Williams, I was thinking of bringing this thread back up. With depression in the spotlight the world over, I feel that this would be an ideal time to try and gently coax any underlying problems out of those who nervously needs to get something out even just to vent, and to offer support and advice, or even to show those who suffer that they are not alone in this. While JKB might not be everyone's ideal place for this sort of discussion, personally I feel it's a resource or group of great help, and one where even an acknowledging reply can make a huge difference.

 

So, how is everyone then :) ?

Well firstly I would say the fact that you've been honest about your work schedule and got the interview suggests it's not going to be a factor that prevents them employing you so don't panic about it. The most important thing is to prepare like hell and make sure you perform so well at interview that they have no doubts that you're the best candidate for the role.

 

Depending on the level of the role there's a good chance it won't even be a factor. You'll likely get asked to give them a bit of background about yourself and what you've been doing recently but this doesn't mean you need to give them a day by day break down. You could easily enough discuss the ad hoc work you've been doing along with any other extra-curricular activities that may support your application in a general basis and decide not to mention that this has been on and off. You've already been up front in your application and the purpose of a job interview is to show your qualities. Anyone who interviews for a job omits plenty that they don't wish to share at interview for whatever reason and unless you outright lie when asked something I wouldn't lose any sleep over it at all.

 

If a situation does come up where you feel you have to bring up your health issues or you feel that you wouldn't be comfortable not doing it then I would say just explain that you had some medical concerns which impacted your ability to work full-time but that you are fully ready to get back into a full time position. That you've still worked and built up experience despite your health is to your credit and shows dedication and ambition.

 

The most important thing is that you nail the interview. There's so much good information online so read, read, read and practice, practice, practice. If you go in there on the day and knock it out the park then the chance they won't offer you the role due to your previous health is so remote that if it was to happen I would think you had a narrow escape avoiding a company who operates in that manner as you'd likely just encounter no end of shit down the line.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks lads.

 

Well keep this in mind.

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Generic Username

Off the back of the whole Robin Williams thing yesterday, I find it absolutely amazing that there has to be some justifiable reason for someone to be diagnosed with depression, that you've somehow got to merit it;

 

"You've no reason to be depressed, you have a family/job/money/friends"

 

Depression isn't about feeling sad because you've got quite a few direct debits to pay. The lack of understanding of mental health in general is frightening.

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so very true AS. i was able (luckily) to identify the causes behind the onset of mine, but thats remarkably rare.

 

its really good though that people are now talking about it, as hopefully it will allow people to feel less stigmatised

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I've suffered on and off for 9 years. Last bad one was the week of the 2012 Cup Final, which I went to but was a complete and utter basket case. I found a great GP at my doctor's surgery, who was fantastic with me, and told me to take the time I needed to sort myself out. This meant lots of walking, forgetting about work for 6 weeks and getting better. I still can feel it coming on, however with CBT that I have made up myself those periods of despair are few and far between. Thankfully I never took drugs to help as I knew deep down that I would be on them for a while.

 

There is help out there. Just make sure you get it and don't always take tablets. It's never far away with me, you just need to find ways to manage it. If anyone would like to chat at all send me a PM and I will try to point you in the right direction on self help books etc.

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chester copperpot

Yeah really glad I started this thread, and was thinking about posting on it because I too have been toiling these past 6 months or so.

 

The people who saw my headaches thread will get the jist of why it has been so tough these past 6 months, however will share what has happened with me.

 

Split with the Mrs just over 2 years ago, and have really struggled to be a bit part father to my 2 kids, although I packed in a job in Edinburgh to move through here to be closer to them. This kind of isolated me though, as I moved to an area where I didn't really know anyone, and my job is very isolated too as I basically work self employed coaching kids. To top this, I lost my father very quickly to cancer 6 months ago, and although I have battled with depression in the good times, I have really toiled these past 6 months. I have a mum who has completely shut me off to the point that I have spoken to her once since my dads funeral. She's since met a new guy, who turns out has been on the scene for a few years, meaning that all the time myself and my sister were nursing my dad, she was out every weekend meeting up with him. This has really got me down, but I don't have the balls to say anything, as she is the sort of person that will just tell me to bolt and I wont ever hear from her again.

 

I think of how close I am with my 2, I'd sleep rough so that they were fine, yet I have a mum who has completely shut me off, and although it's making me angry, it's got to the point of making me give up with her, which has got me really low.

 

I have a totally different perspective on how to treat a family, as I will phone my kids every day for the rest of my life, as I always want to know how they are and that I will always be there for them, yet I seem to have a family who are quite happy to brush me to the side and pretend everything is ok.

 

Anyway glad to have got that off my chest as it's been eating at me for months now. Thanks for listening! :)

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Hi everyone, I'm a long time lurker on this forum and just registered to post in here. First, I just want to say thanks to everyone for making this thread warm and welcoming and not intimidating.

 

I hope this isn't too long but I really need to put this out somewhere. I'm struggling big time just now and I'm at the lowest I think I've ever been. To go back a while, when I left school I bounced around a few office jobs for a few years. I absolutely hated every one and would work there until I couldn't take any more, leave, get a new job, repeat. That cycle really started to grate on me and I began to question 'What am I am doing with my life? This isn't what I want'. At this point, it reached it's worst when I left the last office job. I had a good few months off and really thought about what I wanted to do, not really getting anywhere but all the while being a massive burden to my parents. I felt like a failure, like a drop out and a waste of space. After a while I decided on going to University to do something that really did interest me, I felt good about this and got full support from my family. I had a year at college on an Access course and got what I needed for university. Around mid way through the year long course, a good friend was very suddenly diagnosed with cancer and given 6 weeks. This turned out to be pretty accurate and he died shortly thereafter. Shortly after I finished college for the summer, my auntie, who had a long history with cancer, was taken into hospital. She deteriorated quickly and passed away after a few weeks.

 

It was hard at this point but I, along with my family and friends, soldiered on. I had university to look forward to and used that to focus on and try and stay positive. This was painfully short lived, as a month after I moved to Aberdeen to start my course my Dad very suddenly died of a heart attack. This absolutely haunts me to this day, I'm in streams of tears typing this. I moved back home to be with my mum and sister while still trying to commute to Aberdeen for uni when i had to. Lectures became something I would never attend, only going for practicals or seminars when I absolutely had to. My work obviously struggled with this, but I kept it up, passing exams and getting the grades I needed to progress. The guilt really started to get to me through this, I promised my Dad when he died I would make him proud and do this for him. I knew I was coasting by and not putting in the required effort, it started to eat away at me but my mind was filled with too much other stuff. I was, and still am, absolutely heart broken for my mum. It kills me to see her alone. I should also note my dad was the main bread winner and had a very decently paid job. Money was never an issue for us but after he died money was extremely short and we felt it (that makes me feel awful typing that, equating the loss of my dad to a loss of money). I know I was selfish and at bit self-destructive at this point, I was spending most of my money getting drunk just not being the person I should have to my family.

 

Anyway, I struggled on until 3rd year, and then my Uncle, the husband of my auntie who'd died 3 years previously, was diagnosed with Asbestos related lung cancer. As you can imagine, this hit us all like a ton of bricks. The whole extended family couldn't believe we were in this situation again, and so soon. The rapid deterioration of him was unreal. The cancer spread and he died within a month.

 

I basically just stopped going to uni after this. I couldn't do it anymore, there were day's I would get out of bed,, step in the shower, feel what i can only describe as a panic attack and then just go back to bed. The uni work was at a level where you really can't coast it anymore, you have to put the work in. Anytime I would open a book I would beat myself up about not understanding things, I was putting pressure on myself and nothing was just 'working'. So I gave up. I started to look for jobs and found a temporary summer one. I absolutely loved it, however there was just no way of keeping me on after it ended. So now, here I am.

 

As I said earlier, I'm the worst I've ever been. Those feeling of failure I had are now overwhelming, it's all I see myself as. I feel ashamed to be other people, people with jobs and money and self esteem. I can barely look myself in the mirror, I'm just disgusted. I despise myself now for the decisions I made in the past, and I just can't see a way out. I have nothing to show for 5 years of work and stress. I have a massive black hole on my CV and that just sends me into pit's of despair that I'll never find a job again. I tried so hard to get where i wanted but everything along the way took it's toll so much. I just don't know what do. Since leaving my summer job I've barely left bed. I had ambitions for myself and really wanted to be something, but I've messed that up every single step of the way. Right now I feel like my only options are going back to that feeling I had in office jobs, hating my life and hating every day, or just ending it now. The only reason I haven't is because I can't do that to my mum.

 

So yeah, there. That's the most I've ever told to anyone. I'm sorry if it's long and rambling but it's out there now.

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zoltan socrates

 

I've found Patrick Ellverton's book "Taming the Black Dog" to be quite useful. Mainly around diarising events behaviours and actions to spot patterns of cause and effect. This won't work for all types of depression, but for those who have been prescribed Cytalopramen or other drugs to work with low level depressions by their Docs, it may be useful.

That is the book, helped me, I've had a torrid career since the financial meltdown , lost any wealth I had, house etc but my missus has been the rock, I was staying in glasgow at the harbour, penthouse apartment, good job , new baby and now a fully fledged maroonling yet I wanted to chuck myself over the balcony, I don't fully understand why

But no one knows until they have it, it is crushing, it is painful, it drains any confidence and respect you have for yourself, there is no definitive answer or solution, little things can set me off whereas 'normies' might not even think about it

 

I truly believe the modern diet and current working lifestyles are behind it in a general sense, there are so many people suffering, even today the story in the een of the chap hurtling himself off the g4 bridge, it's crazy, I can empathise, I can understand but I can't explain it

The Williams news set me off a bit, I had to chat to the missus otherwise i felt like I was going to be crushed

 

My solution? Stay away from the booze and any other such adult confection, I get on my bike, lots, it does help

But I'm consigned to realising this will never leave me, I just need to recognise early and cope the best I can, vocalise, the best someone can do is not just talk but get an arm round the shoulder, sounds a bit parry Grayson I know but it does help

 

The black dog is a ******* but if you can see him coming from afar you can chase him, let him up close and it's a bumpy few days/weeks/months/years

 

All the best to fellow journeymen, it just takes understanding without judgement, anyone who wants to pm me if you want a faceless chat, I'm no expert but fellow sufferers tend to know and tend to help in a less patronising I'll informed way

 

........I'll get my coat

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chester copperpot

That is the book, helped me, I've had a torrid career since the financial meltdown , lost any wealth I had, house etc but my missus has been the rock, I was staying in glasgow at the harbour, penthouse apartment, good job , new baby and now a fully fledged maroonling yet I wanted to chuck myself over the balcony, I don't fully understand why

But no one knows until they have it, it is crushing, it is painful, it drains any confidence and respect you have for yourself, there is no definitive answer or solution, little things can set me off whereas 'normies' might not even think about it

 

I truly believe the modern diet and current working lifestyles are behind it in a general sense, there are so many people suffering, even today the story in the een of the chap hurtling himself off the g4 bridge, it's crazy, I can empathise, I can understand but I can't explain it

The Williams news set me off a bit, I had to chat to the missus otherwise i felt like I was going to be crushed

 

My solution? Stay away from the booze and any other such adult confection, I get on my bike, lots, it does help

But I'm consigned to realising this will never leave me, I just need to recognise early and cope the best I can, vocalise, the best someone can do is not just talk but get an arm round the shoulder, sounds a bit parry Grayson I know but it does help

 

The black dog is a ******* but if you can see him coming from afar you can chase him, let him up close and it's a bumpy few days/weeks/months/years

 

All the best to fellow journeymen, it just takes understanding without judgement, anyone who wants to pm me if you want a faceless chat, I'm no expert but fellow sufferers tend to know and tend to help in a less patronising I'll informed way

 

........I'll get my coat

 

 

Nice one :thumb: I mean the last part of course :)

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chester copperpot

Hi everyone, I'm a long time lurker on this forum and just registered to post in here. First, I just want to say thanks to everyone for making this thread warm and welcoming and not intimidating.

 

I hope this isn't too long but I really need to put this out somewhere. I'm struggling big time just now and I'm at the lowest I think I've ever been. To go back a while, when I left school I bounced around a few office jobs for a few years. I absolutely hated every one and would work there until I couldn't take any more, leave, get a new job, repeat. That cycle really started to grate on me and I began to question 'What am I am doing with my life? This isn't what I want'. At this point, it reached it's worst when I left the last office job. I had a good few months off and really thought about what I wanted to do, not really getting anywhere but all the while being a massive burden to my parents. I felt like a failure, like a drop out and a waste of space. After a while I decided on going to University to do something that really did interest me, I felt good about this and got full support from my family. I had a year at college on an Access course and got what I needed for university. Around mid way through the year long course, a good friend was very suddenly diagnosed with cancer and given 6 weeks. This turned out to be pretty accurate and he died shortly thereafter. Shortly after I finished college for the summer, my auntie, who had a long history with cancer, was taken into hospital. She deteriorated quickly and passed away after a few weeks.

 

It was hard at this point but I, along with my family and friends, soldiered on. I had university to look forward to and used that to focus on and try and stay positive. This was painfully short lived, as a month after I moved to Aberdeen to start my course my Dad very suddenly died of a heart attack. This absolutely haunts me to this day, I'm in streams of tears typing this. I moved back home to be with my mum and sister while still trying to commute to Aberdeen for uni when i had to. Lectures became something I would never attend, only going for practicals or seminars when I absolutely had to. My work obviously struggled with this, but I kept it up, passing exams and getting the grades I needed to progress. The guilt really started to get to me through this, I promised my Dad when he died I would make him proud and do this for him. I knew I was coasting by and not putting in the required effort, it started to eat away at me but my mind was filled with too much other stuff. I was, and still am, absolutely heart broken for my mum. It kills me to see her alone. I should also note my dad was the main bread winner and had a very decently paid job. Money was never an issue for us but after he died money was extremely short and we felt it (that makes me feel awful typing that, equating the loss of my dad to a loss of money). I know I was selfish and at bit self-destructive at this point, I was spending most of my money getting drunk just not being the person I should have to my family.

 

Anyway, I struggled on until 3rd year, and then my Uncle, the husband of my auntie who'd died 3 years previously, was diagnosed with Asbestos related lung cancer. As you can imagine, this hit us all like a ton of bricks. The whole extended family couldn't believe we were in this situation again, and so soon. The rapid deterioration of him was unreal. The cancer spread and he died within a month.

 

I basically just stopped going to uni after this. I couldn't do it anymore, there were day's I would get out of bed,, step in the shower, feel what i can only describe as a panic attack and then just go back to bed. The uni work was at a level where you really can't coast it anymore, you have to put the work in. Anytime I would open a book I would beat myself up about not understanding things, I was putting pressure on myself and nothing was just 'working'. So I gave up. I started to look for jobs and found a temporary summer one. I absolutely loved it, however there was just no way of keeping me on after it ended. So now, here I am.

 

As I said earlier, I'm the worst I've ever been. Those feeling of failure I had are now overwhelming, it's all I see myself as. I feel ashamed to be other people, people with jobs and money and self esteem. I can barely look myself in the mirror, I'm just disgusted. I despise myself now for the decisions I made in the past, and I just can't see a way out. I have nothing to show for 5 years of work and stress. I have a massive black hole on my CV and that just sends me into pit's of despair that I'll never find a job again. I tried so hard to get where i wanted but everything along the way took it's toll so much. I just don't know what do. Since leaving my summer job I've barely left bed. I had ambitions for myself and really wanted to be something, but I've messed that up every single step of the way. Right now I feel like my only options are going back to that feeling I had in office jobs, hating my life and hating every day, or just ending it now. The only reason I haven't is because I can't do that to my mum.

 

So yeah, there. That's the most I've ever told to anyone. I'm sorry if it's long and rambling but it's out there now.

 

 

 

Listen man, fair play to having the balls to come out and say that. I find it much easier to talk to strangers about this stuff than I do to my mates and. Drop me a wee PM or something mate and we can take it from there as there are folk out there going through the same amount of shit, and if there's anything I can do, just get in touch.

 

Sounds like you could do with a friendly ear etc, as could I.

 

Take it easy :)

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chester copperpot

Thanks for the replies guys. Chester, I just tried to PM you but it says you're unable to receive messages?

 

 

Ive just sent you one, hopefully you can respond to that mate.

 

:)

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chester copperpot

You can't accept pms Chester, already tried that one

 

 

Also tried to send you one but was unable to. Feck a doodle do. Said I can do it at 9.27pm tonight, must only be allowed one every 5 hrs or so!

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To all those posters who have summoned the courage to post on what can be at times, a very unforgiving forum, more power to you. I too have suffered from the Black dog at various points over the years. It surfaced in the form of anxiety over professional exams in my early 30's and disappeared for a number of years. However in my 40's and fifties, it re-appeared with regularity with no apparent cause. I had no marital, family, financial or career issues, neither had I suffered bereavement. I was placed on medication which, at first made matters worse, I became so edgy & jumpy until it settled down. However medication left me feeling like I was thinking through a fog. After a few episodes and lengthy work absences, I grew to realise that it was work related, and learned a few coping techniques. Mostly when it hit, I realised the worst thing to do was wallow in my depression, I had to fight it by getting up as soon as I woke, keeping a schedule, keeping busy & occupied. Knowing that exercise helps immensely and laying off the drink substantially paid dividends. Finally, after the last bout I decided to take early retirement, I had 36 years service so had a good pension pot. I took a hit financially in this area , but its the best thing I ever did. Since I retired,8 years ago, touch wood, I've had no relapses. The death of both my parents 10 years apart, before & during this time, did not trigger anything. I still feel the loss of my father acutely and still get moved to tears thinking about him. Not so my mother, I don't know why that is. I do get tearful at thoughts of family and anything untoward happening to them. I let it pass and have learned to ignore destructive emotional imaginings by concentrating on the here & the now. I hope this helps anyone struggling with depression, please don't struggle alone, people are so much more understanding and compassionate than you would ever imagine. P.S. will the grammar police please forgive the lack of paragraphs, JKB will not let me produce them, even in edit mode.

Edited by argyjambo
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Dusk_Till_Dawn

Some stupid comments from Alan Brazil about Robin Williams this morning. Looks like he might get sacked for it. Dinosaur

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chester copperpot

Some stupid comments from Alan Brazil about Robin Williams this morning. Looks like he might get sacked for it. Dinosaur

 

 

Yeah he sounded like a complete arsehole. Thing is he didn't sound convincing at all, it was like he said it then didn't want to backtrack.

 

Muppet!

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Thanks for the replies guys. Chester, I just tried to PM you but it says you're unable to receive messages?

 

It sounds like you have a close tight nit family Sow.Best of luck in the future mate and remember you can go back to University at some point in the future.What about a part time job that you enjoy,make a bit money without putting yourself through the mill until you feel you are in a better place.This thread is quite fantastic,if you feel the need there are always some on here that will listen.

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scottish_chicP

I've never really thought of myself as being depressed but I guess in the past I have been. Recently I've felt extremely low and completely stuck in a rut. I'm trying to get stuff sorted but have been so stressed I'm actually making myself ill.

 

I guess I feel like there are people a lot worse off than me so I have no right to feel so down.

Edited by scottish_chicP
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zoltan socrates

 

I've never really thought of myself as being depressed but I guess in the past I have been. Recently I've felt extremely low and completely stuck in a rut. I'm trying to get stuff sorted but have been so stressed I'm actually making myself ill.

 

I guess I feel like there are people a lot worse off than me so I have no right to feel so down.

 

Not for a second Chicp, you have every right to feel the way you want, it's feeling like that when you desparately don't want to that is the hard part, the most innocuous thing can trigger it, you need to look for those triggers be it certain songs, people whatever and you need to be harsh and cut them out, be around influences that embolden you, that don't stir negativity, I shed a load of mates for that reason, yes they were my mates and in their minds I was probably theirs too but they helped in triggering thoughts etc that put me in dark places but remember there is no single strand to this, it's complex, I've lived with it since I was about 15, I'll be forty in a few weeks, it doesn't go you need to find the answer when you feel it coming

I exercise and try and eat properly, some may scoff at that, others will agree, it's not like a broken leg where you know the problem and can fix it, it's almost like a virus in your brain that when you try to access certain program's it shuts down the hard drive, a pig of a thing

 

But keep going

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It sounds like you have a close tight nit family Sow.Best of luck in the future mate and remember you can go back to University at some point in the future.What about a part time job that you enjoy,make a bit money without putting yourself through the mill until you feel you are in a better place.This thread is quite fantastic,if you feel the need there are always some on here that will listen.

 

Thanks for that mate.

 

Yeah I'm applying for jobs just now, yet to hear anything back from anyone but them's the breaks.

 

Really glad I posted here tbh, the replies I've had and chat I had with Chester (thanks again mate!) have made things seem not quite so dark. Would just like to put it out there like others have that I'm here for anyone if they need someone to vent at or whatever. The more of us there are here helping each other the better.

Edited by Sow Easy
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I always like when this thread appears back in the top pages. While i am lucky enough to not have suffered from Mental Health issues myself, my ex did suffer. She is now a very close friend of mine and still to this day suffers. I guess like many people until I met her I was completely blind to the pain and struggles that people go through on a daily basis. She completely opened up to me by explaining all her troubles and opened my eyes to it all and we worked together to make life easier for her. I never really realised how much just talking to her and being there for her was helping but when we broke up she sent me a letter saying how much I had helped her.

 

She recently went through a very bad spell. She bottled up everything for months. She strained relationships with her friends (she had hiden it from them for years) and family by hiding it all and eventually turned to me to help her out. Again I never really felt that I did much to help her other than be there to talk to, take her out for lunch to get her out the house and go for a walk just to get a change of scenery and send her a message now again asking how she was.

 

I took a lot from this thread and a lot of the advice that people were giving to others and used it to help her to get better.

 

I guess what I have learnt is that nothing gets better by bottling it up and trying to fight through it yourself alone. No one will be able to help if you dont speak up and noone will know how you are feeling. I dont think there should be any shame in admitting you need some help. And i hope that those on this thread who know somebody and can potentially help people know that it doesnt take much to make a real difference in the way someone feels.

 

My friend will always probably suffer and she will go through peaks and troughs of feeling great and rock bottom but I know that she takes comfort in the fact that she has someone there she can turn to and be honest with without any judgement and she now realises the benefits of speaking to people about it. I really hope that people are able to do that for someone. If it was me I would really hope I had at least one person who would listen.

 

I know that what I am saying here is probably well known by everyone and probably doesnt need to be said but I guess in a sense i want to thank everyone on this thread who is helping other people out, who are listening and who are giving advice. I know for a fact it helped me to help my friend. I hope that it helps other sufferers too. I hope that those do suffer on here are not afraid to talk about it it,either with the people here or with friends and family, and that those who dont suffer can take a small amount of time and effort, again with a stranger here or with a friend or family member, to listen and be there for someone.

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Maiden Gorgie

When I heard the news about RW i thought how mental illness appears briefly in the news/social media etc when someone famous dies because of it. This for me is one of the biggest tragedies of depression, a lot of people who don't suffer from it sit up and take notice for a few days.

 

I also thought of this thread and the contributions to it. I am so grateful this thread exists and i have taken so much from it. I have just stopped tsking AD's after over two years of taking them. It is the best i have felt in a while and although I am aware it may return i feel i am winning. Exercise and an improved diet was vital in this, for me at least. If you feel you are doing good things to yourself you begin to feel good about yourself. Sounds really feckin simple but for me it is true.

 

Meds can help if your state of mind is affecting you phyiscally (lack of sleep and anxiety attacks were a big problem for me). But some self-help books (as i posted a while back "Mind over Mood" by Dr Dennis Greenberger was a game changer for me) can really turns things around.

 

To those who have been brave enough to post here, good on you. Keep posting, others will too and offer support. Posting anonymously on a football fans website may not be an obvious choice but for me it makes perfect sense.

 

At the risk of sounding corny - keep fighting the fight and never give in!

 

All the best

 

MG

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Took my first panic attack in a long time tonight at choir. The past two days I've gone on a complete downward spiral and where I used to lie in my bed and make myself feel worse, this time I've tried to bury myself in work, went out for lunch with my best friend this afternoon and went to choir tonight thinking that these would all help but everything just got too much at choir and I found myself taking a panic attack in a place that is normally a "safe place" for me.

 

I don't know how long this phase will last but it's the first time I've felt like this in a long time and although I knew the trigger and I knew after the trigger event that i was going to slip into this, it's still come as a shock because I haven't felt this helpless in a long time :(

 

I've bottled it up too which isn't healthy. I have some really good friends that I can talk to when I go through a depressive phase but it's taken me until after choir this evening to even text them.

Edited by Shapes
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Captain Canada

I've suffered with anxiety and depression on and off for many years.

 

About 6 months ago I was at rock bottom aftermy best friend died and work stress became unbearable.

 

I used to cry driving home from work pretty much every day and came close to cutting myself.

 

Anyway, I'm feeling great now. My doctor has been brilliant with me and even though I'm taking 40mg of Citalopram a day I don't mind it.

 

I changed jobs, walk 40 minutes a day now commuting.

 

I also found doing something creative really helped. I recently wrote 24 kids stories in 24 hours and raised over a grand for charity.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's been an uphill struggle to get here and I've had the odd day where I felt suicidal but overall I'm way better than I was.

 

I've also started to feel better about myself through helping other people. I'm giving what I can afford to charities I care about and doing more favours for friends and family and it's helping to shift my focus away from me and onto doing something positive.

 

I suffered in silence for years not knowing what was wrong with me and my advice is to talk to someone and don't give up until your GP understands.

 

I know how much easier it is to talk to people you don't know about these things so am happy to listen and share my experiences if anyone wants to send me a message on here.

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huge step backwards today

 

i NEVER get interviewed at my work. in over 7 years i've applied for jobs internally often,but never get even an acknowledgement. had my 2nd ever interview internally on tuesday which went well.

 

all felt a little too easy and a little too smooth so was obviously a bit concerned. i was also really aware of the number of experienced staff who have left and was interviewed by the one manager in my section who had never actually been my section manager.

 

long and short of it is i was "rejected after interview" which i suppose is acceptable, although being passed over for people with a fraction of your experience is a furker.

 

i have taken it personally and been close to tears and resignation all day, both of which is stupid. cos having had some(very little til i request it) feedback, it doesn't really sound llke its about me

 

i thinkg cos i have personalised the situation after having done so well, not making it about me, it feels like a step backwards.which would explain why its upset me so much,

 

 

 

night night from rambly mcrambleson

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Well here goes.

 

I am not feeling the best today either. Quite shite, actually. I have had my moments on and off for a long time now, and I could be in a lot of bother as a result.

 

When feeling low or down, I look for distraction. Work is one. Football and this place is another.

 

A bad one for me is the bookies, and after many months off, I done the most stupid of things last night and visited one. I am too ashamed and embarrased to say how much I spent, but I have very little left to see me for nearly four weeks and a lot of bills will not be getting paid this month.

 

I am already in financial bother, partly, no, mainly, because of this. I am on a payment plan with StepChange, which I will not meet this month, for the second time, since commencing it. I worry this will not be acceptable to them, or my creditors, which could severely feck me up.

 

It is all self inflicted, and I am a total arse. I have got help before for this (GA and phone councillor as Samaratins), but then go through a good and disciplined spell, so all seems well, then BANG, I feck up again.

 

This is not something I can or want to share with family. A few friends know, but I doubt they know the severity of the situation, hence my rant on here.

 

I do need to find the underlying issues though, and why I deal with them in the way that I do, or it could well be a very bleak future.

 

I am ashamed though. I am not a stupid person (well maybe I am), but I do the most stupid and irresponsible of things sometimes.

Edited by Simon Says
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