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LOVE ISLAND 2018


Armageddon

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2 hours ago, theshed said:

 

No danger anyone is this daft.

 

Just playing the dumb card to get max attention as all these people  do on this type of show 

I remember Brian, the Big Brother winner who, ostensibly won it cos people thought he was thick as mince. On the show said something along the lines of "No idea who Shakespeare was". One of his teachers was on telly after saying he'd studied Shakespeare for 4 years at school. It's generally an act. The initial burst of these shows had some genuinely dense punters on but now these fame whores know what the public want and give it to em.

Thick ****ers like to see thick vacuous ****ers on telly. It makes them feel normal. 

I'd rather punch meself in the balls than watch it but, I don't watch it so fill yer boots Thickos!

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I P Knightley
7 hours ago, shaun.lawson said:

Quite enjoyed this - by Hugo Rifkind of The Times.

 

 

A good read. I enjoy Hugo. 

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Armageddon
13 hours ago, shaun.lawson said:

Quite enjoyed this - by Hugo Rifkind of The Times.

 

The big story of the week, among some people, albeit probably not you, is that fewer people applied this year to go to Oxford and Cambridge than to appear in the second series of the ITV2 dating programme Love Island. Across social media, this led to widespread angst, derision, accusations of snobbery and humourless grandstanding about debt, all of which was fairly predictable. What nobody seems have noted, though, is that the experience of arriving at both is quite similar.

 

Going up to Oxbridge hits you in one of two ways. Some people go into shock. Back at their sixth-form college in Arsehampton, Bottomshire, they were the cleverest and most interesting person around. Here, though, they’re average. Or worse, bland. Sure, they’re quite good on Shakespeare’s use of garden imagery in Hamlet and are grade seven at the violin, but that bloke in the next room? He’s trilingual. He’s dating a Cambodian princess. He has read Thucydides in Greek, spent his gap year interning for Deutsche Bank and used to be secretary-general of the Model UN.

 

This, in Love Island terms, is the experience of Alex, an A&E doctor from Lewisham. A big guy, with the haunted handsomeness of an aristocratic coward who let his men die in the trenches, he was probably, until now, the best-looking person he had met. Compared with this lot, though? He hasn’t spent long enough working on his tan. Probably because he was working on saving lives and stuff. He has zero tattoos. His muscles and belly, while respectively large and flat, are still the pinkish mediocrity of a Cornish sailing holiday, rather than the carved, improbable mahogany of the Instagram model. Relatively speaking, in other words, he mings. Within hours, he has about him the stench of disappointment. It’s awful.

 

The opposite approach, Oxbridgewise, is to feel like you’ve blagged it and experience an overwhelming sense of relief. That was me. Emmanuel College, 1995. “I’m here!” I said to myself. “I can do basically nothing for the next three years, and I will still always be a person who got into Cambridge.” On Love Island, that’s Dani Dyer, the daughter of the EastEnders actor Danny Dyer. Exactly why somebody called “Danny” would call their daughter “Dani” is a question puzzling the nation, but we can all frown about that on our own time. Dani won plaudits for arriving in the house in an asymmetrical bikini, but it strikes me as highly possible that she has just stuck her head in the wrong bit. With only the pretty face of the girl next door, she sometimes looks like a fan who has won a competition to hang out with the Pussycat Dolls. No matter. She’s bloody loving it.

 

Shut up. Yes I am allowed to talk about them like this. What do you think Love Island is? It’s porn without the porn. It’s the absolute joy of getting a bunch of horrendously beautiful people and putting them in an environment that is not so much sexually charged, but utterly decharged of anything else. Here, under the hot Spanish sun, they get to do things they are brilliant at, such as wearing clothes, and not wearing clothes, but they also have to do things they are terrible at, such as talking in complete sentences.

 

They need to pair up, because these are the rules, and if they don’t they get kicked out. Dani starts off with Jack, who sells pens. “I didn’t even know that was a thing,” she says, amazed. Where did you think pens came from, Dani? “This pen is going to change your life,” says Jack, explaining his sales patter. “You can write in the dark with it.” What, like all pens? Jack’s teeth are insanely white. Yes, so are all their teeth, but his are so white that even people with white teeth mention it. “His teeth are really white, though,” Dani says. “Very white ****ing teeth,” says somebody else. You know that bit in Pulp Fiction, when they open the briefcase? It’s like that when Jack opens his mouth.

 

Everybody is beautiful, but some are more beautiful than others. Probably the most beautiful couple so far are Eyal and Hayley. He’s a model. She too is a model. She likes his hair. He likes people who are “deep” and being whipped during sex. “I want to be with somebody who isn’t superficial,” he explains, as they loll on a sundrenched sofa. “What does superficial mean?” she says. You can see why people watch this, right?

 

The biggest drama concerns the triangle of Niall, Kendall and Adam. The first two started off as a couple and were really close, but then Adam took Kendall away and kissed her, “so we don’t need to spoon when we get back”, and now Kendall is conflicted and Niall is sad. All this in, like, a day and a half. Adam is huge, powerful and gorgeous, like a Dothraki, but Niall has something called “a great personality”. This is certainly considered an asset on Love Island, but only on a par with, say, nice eyes, or good abs.

 

Still, I do find myself hoping that he and Kendall get back together. Niall, you see, is looking for love, which he defines as liking somebody even when they’ve not got make-up on. I’m writing this after only two episodes. Lord knows what will have happened by the time you get to read it. Probably nothing at all.

 

Hahahaha magnificent!!!

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Watched this last night. Was everything I expected it to be. Don't really see the 'I watched one episode and I'm hooked' effect. I won't be tuning in again.

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Good episode last night.

 

News just coming out the now that Niall has had to leave for personal reasons.

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Phil Dunphy

That Rosie is an absolute mug. 

 

Chat flying about that this is all rigged since three of them know each other from the outside world. 

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24 minutes ago, Phil Dunphy said:

That Rosie is an absolute mug. 

 

Chat flying about that this is all rigged since three of them know each other from the outside world. 

That's happened in previous seasons as well.

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luckyBatistuta

If they’re looking for someone to play Kelly McGillis in the new Top Gun movie, then Megan is the girl

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Phil Dunphy
1 hour ago, hughesie27 said:

That's happened in previous seasons as well.

 

I know they bunged in an ex in the 2nd series to shake things up, but it’s a wee bit suspect now. 

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jack D and coke

I’m trying to watch cos the bird is but seriously what a load of utter shite. Each to their own I guess. 

:cornette: 

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luckyBatistuta
2 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

I’m trying to watch cos the bird is but seriously what a load of utter shite. Each to their own I guess. 

:cornette: 

 

It is total utter shite bud, but just can’t stop watching it, need to get a life :laugh:

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jack D and coke
6 minutes ago, luckyBatistuta said:

 

It is total utter shite bud, but just can’t stop watching it, need to get a life :laugh:

Aw it’s even worse than Big Brother ffs :lol: 

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Phil Dunphy
22 minutes ago, houstonjambo said:

That Eyal is a wee rat. 

 

Love getting a good Love Island seethe. 

 

Used to think he was alright. Spacey, but alright. But now he’s coming across as a weaseley wee snake. 

 

Curly haired throbber. 

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luckyBatistuta
10 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

Aw it’s even worse than Big Brother ffs :lol: 

 

Never watch that, at least with this, there’s decent eye candy if nothing else. The wife had a go at me because I said I’d choose Georgia, because she’s only 20. Think she’s the prettiest without all the tons of makeup they all wear. Would get her to get those ridiculous eyebrows sorted if I was her fella though.

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I was sitting last night giving Rosie (who is a solicitor) a bit of credit for calling out Adam for his antics and commented on the fact she was the first one of all of them to display any sort of intelligence whatsoever.

 

5 minutes later and she's back in bed with him talking about giving him another chance.

 

:lol:

 

You just know she's going to recouple with him tonight eh!

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Guest Paul Allen
26 minutes ago, Erik said:

I was sitting last night giving Rosie (who is a solicitor) a bit of credit for calling out Adam for his antics and commented on the fact she was the first one of all of them to display any sort of intelligence whatsoever.

 

5 minutes later and she's back in bed with him talking about giving him another chance.

 

:lol:

 

You just know she's going to recouple with him tonight eh!

 

FFS have a word with yourself. :facepalm:

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3 hours ago, Phil Dunphy said:

 

I know they bunged in an ex in the 2nd series to shake things up, but it’s a wee bit suspect now. 

In season 1 they had a couple who had met through mutual friends as well. They seemed happy enough to talk about that to the cameras in private but I can't rememebr them telling the other contestants. 

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Phil Dunphy

Even Alex is starting to piss me off now. Megan's a wee bitch who's happy to lead him on in case Eyal turns out to be a snake.

 

****ing grow a pair and stop following that wee tramp around like a lovesick puppy.

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Captain Sausage
3 hours ago, Phil Dunphy said:

Even Alex is starting to piss me off now. Megan's a wee bitch who's happy to lead him on in case Eyal turns out to be a snake.

 

****ing grow a pair and stop following that wee tramp around like a lovesick puppy.

 

Agreed. He's a nice guy but he needs to take a step back and fire into someone else. Big browed fud is well suited to that bushy haired snake.

 

Ahhh. Yes. Better now.

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Phil Dunphy
1 hour ago, houstonjambo said:

 

Agreed. He's a nice guy but he needs to take a step back and fire into someone else. Big browed fud is well suited to that bushy haired snake.

 

Ahhh. Yes. Better now.

 

It’s all just a little bit pathetic. She chose someone else and now she’s cracking into him. 

 

Bide your time and wait for the next one to come in and fire into her instead. My sympathy for him is wearing thin now. 

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Captain Sausage

See ya Hayley you vacuous cow. 

 

Shame Jack and Dani didn’t vote for the two snakes as they’d be off and there’d be fresh meat for Alex and Samira.

 

When a new bird comes in, Alex better not be moping over that bint Megan. 

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Siphiwe Tshabalala

I find Hayley funny, I'm not sure why but I do :laugh: 

 

Hope the big doctor stays put and gets a bird.

 

Adam redeemed himself by trying to help Alex out.

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Phil Dunphy

I honestly think Alex needs to go. Megan's not interested in him as anything other than a fall back option, she's a rancid wee cow.

 

He needs to wake up and get over it. No bird is worth following around like a lovesick wee puppy the way he has. It's pathetic.

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Siphiwe Tshabalala
1 hour ago, dazajmbo said:

I detest Eyal. 

 

Likewise.

 

Like a ^^^^ that swans about Edinburgh from the uni, sitting in a vegan cafe and sipping a spinach smoothie.

 

Prick.

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5 minutes ago, Siphiwe Tshabalala said:

 

Likewise.

 

Like a ^^^^ that swans about Edinburgh from the uni, sitting in a vegan cafe and sipping a spinach smoothie, whilst having a under the table rub on himself, admiring the stars, staying in an good aurora, with an atmopshere of +3 pyhsicpricks. 

 

Prick.

 

FTFY 

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Phil Dunphy

Hopefully him and his bang average bird are next to get the heave ho. 

 

Aren't many truly tidy birds on this years show. Georgia is alright, when you compare her to someone like Laura. 

 

Dani’s my favourite. Her and Jack will go far I think. 

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I watched about 5 minutes of this last night before the football highlights were on. Looked like 5 identical guys in shorts pissing about with five identical lassies in bikinis all saying "like" a lot and not getting their hole.

Is that about the size of it?

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Captain Sausage
Just now, Jamhammer said:

I watched about 5 minutes of this last night before the football highlights were on. Looked like 5 identical guys in shorts pissing about with five identical lassies in bikinis all saying "like" a lot and not getting their hole.

Is that about the size of it?

 

Aye. The same way the football was just 11 identical guys in white pissing about with 11 identical guys in red while kicking a wee ball. 

 

:thumbsup:

 

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1 minute ago, houstonjambo said:

 

Aye. The same way the football was just 11 identical guys in white pissing about with 11 identical guys in red while kicking a wee ball. 

 

:thumbsup:

 

I'm probably just too old to understand why anyone would want to watch it. Then again I watch Gogglebox which is, essentially a load of people watching telly.

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Couple of great episodes last 2 nights.

 

Rosies put down of Adam should win an award.

 

Edge of the seat stuff last night as well with Dr. DoMore and Ellie.

 

Brilliant TV.

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5 hours ago, hughesie27 said:

Couple of great episodes last 2 nights.

 

Rosies put down of Adam should win an award.

 

Edge of the seat stuff last night as well with Dr. DoMore and Ellie.

 

Brilliant TV.

 

Edge of the seat stuff??

 

You must be looking for a bite with that comment 

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Twitter is gid. Very very explicit pictures of Megan and a couple of dirty videos of Laura. 

 

Social media has its benefits now and again. Programme is still a complete abomination mind but at least now I can recognise a couple of them, albeit not by their faces ?

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2 minutes ago, Kendoll said:

Twitter is gid. Very very explicit pictures of Megan and a couple of dirty videos of Laura. 

 

Social media has its benefits now and again. Programme is still a complete abomination mind but at least now I can recognise a couple of them, albeit not by their faces ?

:interehjrling: if only one knew how to find them.

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Ministry MK2
8 hours ago, hughesie27 said:

Couple of great episodes last 2 nights.

 

Rosies put down of Adam should win an award.

 

Edge of the seat stuff last night as well with Dr. DoMore and Ellie.

 

Brilliant TV.

Rosie put down of Adam was pretty cringe. 

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Phil Dunphy

I don’t know why, but I just don’t buy Alex and Ellie. 

 

I just cant see it being a long term thing. 

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jack D and coke

Telly for morons. Listening to whingeing bursds and guys pussyfooting about honestly you all need a slap for watching this guff! Last night after it finished some other program came on with that annoying scottish goon presenting it celebability I think it was called. Holy **** I thought Love Island was pish :facepalm: like somebody else said I think on this thread the herd on this planet needs severely thinned out. 

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luckyBatistuta
29 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

Telly for morons. Listening to whingeing bursds and guys pussyfooting about honestly you all need a slap for watching this guff! Last night after it finished some other program came on with that annoying scottish goon presenting it celebability I think it was called. Holy **** I thought Love Island was pish :facepalm: like somebody else said I think on this thread the herd on this planet needs severely thinned out. 

 

Says the avid watcher who knew exactly when it finished:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

:wave1: moron, I’ll be roond to give you a slap shortly

 

 

 

:wink::laugh:

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jack D and coke
10 minutes ago, luckyBatistuta said:

 

Says the avid watcher who knew exactly when it finished:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

:wave1: moron, I’ll be roond to give you a slap shortly

 

 

 

:wink::laugh:

I’ve no choice mate :lol: I get the football all night I have to give her a wee shot.

When you live together it’s a wee thing called 70-30 ken :thumbsup: 

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luckyBatistuta
26 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

I’ve no choice mate :lol: I get the football all night I have to give her a wee shot.

When you live together it’s a wee thing called 70-30 ken :thumbsup: 

 

Excuses, excuses, probably got the app and voting on it too 

 

:clyay:

 

 

 

 

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jack D and coke
35 minutes ago, luckyBatistuta said:

 

Excuses, excuses, probably got the app and voting on it too 

 

:clyay:

 

 

 

 

:trippin:

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