Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I've just split up with my Girlfriend of 11 years. We have 3 kids together and a mortgage. Pretty painful stuff. 33 and staying with the parents again. They don't particularly want me there and i don't want to be there. Anyone gone through this before? Any advice would be great. I'm in a total rut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewis2006 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Get yerself over to the online dating thread mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Get yerself over to the online dating thread mate Haha. I was considering Tinder. Definitely need someone to take my mind off it. Edited February 20, 2017 by Greedy_Jambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riddley Walker Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I've just split up with my Girlfriend of 11 years. We have 3 kids together and a mortgage. Pretty painful stuff. 33 and staying with the parents again. They don't particularly want me there and i don't want to be there. Anyone gone through this before? Any advice would be great. I'm in a total rut. Get your own place as soon as you can afford it. It depends on your financial situation but if you were going to buy another place it might be worth renting somewhere for six months til everything sorts out, so you can get your own space. You'll feel much better not having to be around your folks all the time. Do stuff with mates as often as you can. Get yourself out and about and keep busy as possible. As the guy above says, get yourself some rebound shags as soon as you're up for it on Tinder or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruyff Turn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 That's shit bud. I've been wanting to Jack my missus in for a while but again like yourself I've got two kids which prove a stumbling block for me to walk. I'd be in the same situation, would have to stay at the parents which is 50 miles away from the kids plus I wouldn't want too either. Obviously breaking up is crap but if you were .miserable then after the initial shitness of missing the kids and stuff then it might prove to be a good thing for you. You might meet someone else, get yourself back in the game anyway, plunging some new clunge might help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 That's shit bud. I've been wanting to Jack my missus in for a while but again like yourself I've got two kids which prove a stumbling block for me to walk. I'd be in the same situation, would have to stay at the parents which is 50 miles away from the kids plus I wouldn't want too either. Obviously breaking up is crap but if you were .miserable then after the initial shitness of missing the kids and stuff then it might prove to be a good thing for you. You might meet someone else, get yourself back in the game anyway, plunging some new clunge might help. It's the usual story. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I took her for granted. We were both unhappy about certain things but it wasn't that bad that i wanted to end it. In the end, she did. It came out of the blue. Feel like i've been punched in the stomach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brick Tamland Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Tried to pm you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
been here before Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Tried to pm you There ye go Greedy Jambo your lucks changed already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Салатные палочки Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Sad news mate. Been through it all before. The most important thing though before any rebound shags is make sure you get things sorted with the kids first. Make sure there is something set in stone and she doesn't **** you over further down the line when it comes to seeing them. They are the most important thing in a break up and you don't know how much it affects them. I was a pretty shitty boyfriend back in the day and like you say, I took both their mums for granted. But thankfully I have matured over the years and my kids come first before everything now. As mentioned above, try and spend more time with your mates, get out and about, meet and chat up girls, you will be surprised how good that makes you feel, put more time into hobbies and activities and try and keep the chin up. It's easy to fall into a depression, I have been there. So keep the chin up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Tried to pm you Straight in with the dick pic. Nae messing about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King prawn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 There ye go Greedy Jambo your lucks changed already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Haha. Funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King prawn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Straight in with the dick pic. Nae messing about. He'll be asking if greedy if he wants to join him with a Hungarian for a walnut manoeuvre... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King prawn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) . Edited February 20, 2017 by King prawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walrus Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Not easy at all Greedy_Jambo. Going through something similar at the moment. Start of October I found out my then Fiance had cheated on me with the guy who was going to be the best man at our wedding. We have a 20 month old daughter and a family home which I own. Despite me giving her the opportunity to try make things work she decided to call everything off and she moved back with her parents. We currently have shared custody of our daughter. Since moving home shes been enjoying the fruits of not paying any bills, bought herself a new BMW....whilst I struggle to afford the home I had bought for us all. Real fun has just started as her lawyer has put in a big financial claim on her behalf for when I sell the house. All going to end in tears! I am avoiding any sort of dating until all the legals are sorted, although she appears to have a new felly. Big kick in the stones. Try to see your friends as much as you can. I play football and go to the gym a fair bit when I don't have my daughter. Last thing you want is to be home alone replaying things in your head every evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Not easy at all Greedy_Jambo. Going through something similar at the moment. Start of October I found out my then Fiance had cheated on me with the guy who was going to be the best man at our wedding. We have a 20 month old daughter and a family home which I own. Despite me giving her the opportunity to try make things work she decided to call everything off and she moved back with her parents. We currently have shared custody of our daughter. Since moving home shes been enjoying the fruits of not paying any bills, bought herself a new BMW....whilst I struggle to afford the home I had bought for us all. Real fun has just started as her lawyer has put in a big financial claim on her behalf for when I sell the house. All going to end in tears! I am avoiding any sort of dating until all the legals are sorted, although she appears to have a new felly. Big kick in the stones. Try to see your friends as much as you can. I play football and go to the gym a fair bit when I don't have my daughter. Last thing you want is to be home alone replaying things in your head every evening. Sorry to hear that, bud. The pain is ****kin horrible. I don't have any evidence that she was cheating on me but the thought of it is bad enough. The fact that she doesn't want to try and sort things out (not even for the kids sake) leads me to think it must be that. But who knows. She was texting her 'friends' on her phone almost 24/7. It really started to get to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walrus Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Sorry to hear that, bud. The pain is ****kin horrible. I don't have any evidence that she was cheating on me but the thought of it is bad enough. The fact that she doesn't want to try and sort things out (not even for the kids sake) leads me to think it must be that. But who knows. She was texting her 'friends' on her phone almost 24/7. It really started to get to me. Takes the wind right out of your sails. Yeah I know what you mean, I found it really hard to accept she didn't want to sort things for the sake of our family. Maybe you're best not knowing. Phones/social media often seem to be near the root of relationship problems. Hope you're getting to see your bambinos plenty! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarkus1981 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Time heals all, keep yourself as busy as possible and try not to sit and stew. You'll hopefully eventually find that its the best thing that could have happened (i did), CHIN UP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymour M Hersh Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erik Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Always find the way different folk deal with these things in different ways to be pretty crazy. Personally, in that scenario, and after that length of time with someone, who you still obviously have feelings for - I cant think of a worse thing to do than to be hopping on to the likes of tinder or dabbling with online dating or whatever. Then again, i'm probably the worst person to be dishing out advice on such things. Its quite a personal thing though, like I say, different folk deal with things different ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 It's the usual story. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I took her for granted. We were both unhappy about certain things but it wasn't that bad that i wanted to end it. In the end, she did. It came out of the blue. Feel like i've been punched in the stomach. any chance you can save this, sometimes when a situation looks bleak a wee break help, try talking to friend that knows you both, look for reasons you are where you are, take care bud, and yes ive been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 any chance you can save this, sometimes when a situation looks bleak a wee break help, try talking to friend that knows you both, look for reasons you are where you are, take care bud, and yes ive been there. Only time will tell i suppose, but it's not looking good from the off. I've told her everything she could possibly want to hear. I just get "i'm sorry, I just don't want to" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlimOzturk Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Why's it always the guy that has to move out. Sexist and disgraceful. You should have every right to stick around as much as her. Even If it is you Making the call . just read it is her that ended it. Which makes it her decision therefore she should **** off Imo Good luck mate. Edited February 20, 2017 by AlimOzturk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlimOzturk Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Always find the way different folk deal with these things in different ways to be pretty crazy. Personally, in that scenario, and after that length of time with someone, who you still obviously have feelings for - I cant think of a worse thing to do than to be hopping on to the likes of tinder or dabbling with online dating or whatever. Then again, i'm probably the worst person to be dishing out advice on such things. Its quite a personal thing though, like I say, different folk deal with things different ways. I'd be off to Amsterdam the day tbh if she didn't want to be with me. Then again it wasn't for my wife I'd probably dead. Like you say different ways of dealing with things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOak88 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Not easy at all Greedy_Jambo. Going through something similar at the moment. Start of October I found out my then Fiance had cheated on me with the guy who was going to be the best man at our wedding. We have a 20 month old daughter and a family home which I own. Despite me giving her the opportunity to try make things work she decided to call everything off and she moved back with her parents. We currently have shared custody of our daughter. Since moving home shes been enjoying the fruits of not paying any bills, bought herself a new BMW....whilst I struggle to afford the home I had bought for us all. Real fun has just started as her lawyer has put in a big financial claim on her behalf for when I sell the house. All going to end in tears! I am avoiding any sort of dating until all the legals are sorted, although she appears to have a new felly. Big kick in the stones. Try to see your friends as much as you can. I play football and go to the gym a fair bit when I don't have my daughter. Last thing you want is to be home alone replaying things in your head every evening. Fcukin heck, that sounds brutal. Have heard similar stories in the past. I can never understand the brass neck of somebody like that. After cheating on you in a very personal way (with one of your friends), then has the gall to try and take money off you. That's pretty low. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephane Grappelli Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 You are an erse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walrus Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Fcukin heck, that sounds brutal. Have heard similar stories in the past. I can never understand the brass neck of somebody like that. After cheating on you in a very personal way (with one of your friends), then has the gall to try and take money off you. That's pretty low. It's been a difficult 5 months that's for sure, one minute we were planning a wedding and our '5 year plan' for having more kids and moving to a bigger house, next I've lost my fiance and a very close friend. In her and her parents eyes she has done very little wrong which makes things extremely challenging, really makes you question your own judgement on people. Now that I am challenging her financial claim I am being made out to be the bad one in all this. I just keep focused on my daughter, bite my tongue a lot and try to keep things as calm and civil as possible. I would hate for my daughter to grow up with hostility between both sides of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) I'm ok as far as the kids go. She says i can see them whenever i want and she'l never bad mouth me to them. It's just the thought of another guy moving into my house with my kids that really deflates me. It's a joint mortgage but i couldn't afford to pay it myself. She can with all the benefits she'l get due to having 3 kids. She's also the one that takes them to school ever day since she only works 2 24 hour shifts a week, one of which is a weekend day. I work 40 hours a week and i've left the house before school starts. It's an awful situation to be in. Edited February 20, 2017 by Greedy_Jambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolf's Mate Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I'm the last person to give advice on relationships GJ however the only bit of advice I can give is to stay true to your kids. I know you probably will however if things get harder and harder and you feel like the only option for your sanity is to put space between you and the ex, just make sure that you work something that means you'll always see the kids. Brutal times bud however life goes on and it'll be your kids that are there for you when the dust settles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Good luck dude, keep your head up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo 4 Ever Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 That's shit bud. I've been wanting to Jack my missus in for a while but again like yourself I've got two kids which prove a stumbling block for me to walk. I'd be in the same situation, would have to stay at the parents which is 50 miles away from the kids plus I wouldn't want too either. Obviously breaking up is crap but if you were .miserable then after the initial shitness of missing the kids and stuff then it might prove to be a good thing for you. You might meet someone else, get yourself back in the game anyway, plunging some new clunge might help. Hopefully your Mrs doesn't read kickback!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig_ Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Only advice I would give is to look after yourself. Try and hit the gym/go running/swimming etc and try to keep as clear a mind as possible. By all means try to get out and see your mates and have a good bevvy, but don't hit it too hard. Your kids are the priority and you're going to have to make some tough decisions over the next few months, so you need to be in tip-top condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EH11_2NL Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Get your own place quickly. When i was going through separation, i was sofa surfing with pals and relatives. It was horrendous. You need your space so you can scream and cry. And you will. It also means the kids can see where you are and picture you being there. And that helps them too. And i strongly advise you to take time off work and as much as you can get away with. You are physically and mentally knackered even if you don't realise it yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Serious question: Why did you move out? I separated with my wife two years ago. Went for lunch and came back to find she'd packed bags for her and my boys. She still to this day insists I should have done the "decent thing" and moved out. I point blank refused (was pretty depressed before this all happened to boot) as it was my home just as much as hers plus I still wanted to fight to save the marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RussAsia Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Why's it always the guy that has to move out. Sexist and disgraceful. You should have every right to stick around as much as her. Even If it is you Making the call . just read it is her that ended it. Which makes it her decision therefore she should **** off Imoloo Good luck mate. I kicked my Mrs out about 3 years back.. To be honest things hadn't been working for a while previous to that but she had persevered saying that things would get better.. I finally had enough and kicked her out.. Never really looked back.. straight back on the horse... when it was possible anyway due to me taking care of my son.. There is plenty of better out there.. i wonder if it has ever worked for the better for a guy if they have begged their ex to take them back.. if she says no then you feel shit.. if she says yes then you have to make all sorts of concessions which make your life worse.. Either way I am friends with my ex now for my sons sake and she comes to get him whenever she wants (not often enough if you ask me).. had quite a few gf's since then and currently have a really excellent girl... definitely think i made the right decision.. Take stock and move on with your life.. don't let the girls screw you over financially or otherwise.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CollyWolly Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I'm ok as far as the kids go. She says i can see them whenever i want and she'l never bad mouth me to them. It's just the thought of another guy moving into my house with my kids that really deflates me. It's a joint mortgage but i couldn't afford to pay it myself. She can with all the benefits she'l get due to having 3 kids. She's also the one that takes them to school ever day since she only works 2 24 hour shifts a week, one of which is a weekend day. I work 40 hours a week and i've left the house before school starts. It's an awful situation to be in. You need to think of this like a plate you really loved that dropped on to the floor and broke into bits. You can fix it. You can make repairs. Bit by bit you get your plate(life)back together. Okay the plate will never be the same as it was, but it obviously had the odd crack or flaw in it to break up like that. Start picking up the bits and making them fit again. See where they go. See what works and what doesn't. It'll take time and you need to do it one bit at a time, but its just something you have to go through, especially when there are kids involved. I wouldn't bother with anyone else or Tinder or any of that shite others have recommended until your head and life are back in a half decent place. Good luck with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruyff Turn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) It's the usual story. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I took her for granted. We were both unhappy about certain things but it wasn't that bad that i wanted to end it. In the end, she did. It came out of the blue. Feel like i've been punched in the stomach. To be honest bud I can relate. I got booted out a few months ago. Wasn't that bothered at first until it dawned on me. Under appreciated the missus too, probably don't do as much around the house as I should, too busy watching football, playing the PS4 and get moaned at for it. Just being a selfish bawbag basically. To my shame I had been Surfing the web and signing up to dating sites to see if I can get some side action but delete them when I remember I'm not a wee lad anymore or get too deep in convo with some lassie where it gets ready to go to the next stage and shite myself. Scared of losing what I've got but have that primal instinct wanting to mess around with some other lassies just because I don't get my nat king as regularly as I used too. Or just bored of the vanilla half ersed pre arranged stuff that goes on around kids staying at their Grandparents or whatever. Life's become a predictable rut, a bit of cabin fever sometimes and it is stressful. Unfortunately my missus saw an email which I never deleted from a dating site and that's when shit hit the fan. I struggle between being an adult these days with a family and wanting to relive my youth and go about doing what I want. Like you say, grass is always greener on the other side and I can remember how lonely sometimes it can get by yourself. I think you may be similar? I'm sure she is not exactly shitting rainbows over this either and there is a way back for you. Need to sort out whatever it is that has caused it and try your best to change it. I hope you can get it sorted though. If the worst case scenario happens then you need to look after yourself and make your kids a priority. Get your own place, make improvements in your life if you need to, get back to a state of positivity and happiness then get back on the wagon. Let us know how you get on though. Hopefully your Mrs doesn't read kickback!!!! Me neither, I'm probably out of order tbh, don't really mean it, she's a good yin really, sometimes when she's not breathing fire down my neck. Edited February 20, 2017 by Lenny S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruyff Turn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Not easy at all Greedy_Jambo. Going through something similar at the moment. Start of October I found out my then Fiance had cheated on me with the guy who was going to be the best man at our wedding. We have a 20 month old daughter and a family home which I own. Despite me giving her the opportunity to try make things work she decided to call everything off and she moved back with her parents. We currently have shared custody of our daughter. Since moving home shes been enjoying the fruits of not paying any bills, bought herself a new BMW....whilst I struggle to afford the home I had bought for us all. Real fun has just started as her lawyer has put in a big financial claim on her behalf for when I sell the house. All going to end in tears! I am avoiding any sort of dating until all the legals are sorted, although she appears to have a new felly. Big kick in the stones. Try to see your friends as much as you can. I play football and go to the gym a fair bit when I don't have my daughter. Last thing you want is to be home alone replaying things in your head every evening. Brutal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo1961 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 You are better off without a Burd that cheats on you and with your best pal, unforgivable, the two of them Just remind her who the cheat is and make her crawl for the cash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Serious question: Why did you move out? I separated with my wife two years ago. Went for lunch and came back to find she'd packed bags for her and my boys. She still to this day insists I should have done the "decent thing" and moved out. I point blank refused (was pretty depressed before this all happened to boot) as it was my home just as much as hers plus I still wanted to fight to save the marriage. Are you back together now? I moved out because i couldn't bear to be around her when she had no love for me. It was tearing me apart. She has said i can stay as long as i want but it's too difficult for me. (also part of me is hoping that giving her some space might help her see the light) I could easily just move back in if i wanted. It's still my house. But i can't afford to keep it on my own and it's not like i could look after 3 kids and work 40 hours a week. I've left the house before they get up for school. I don't really know what to do to be honest. As i said, i'm stuck at the parents house the now. It's bloody awful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 To be honest bud I can relate. I got booted out a few months ago. Wasn't that bothered at first until it dawned on me. Under appreciated the missus too, probably don't do as much around the house as I should, too busy watching football, playing the PS4 and get moaned at for it. Just being a selfish bawbag basically. To my shame I had been Surfing the web and signing up to dating sites to see if I can get some side action but delete them when I remember I'm not a wee lad anymore or get too deep in convo with some lassie where it gets ready to go to the next stage and shite myself. Scared of losing what I've got but have that primal instinct wanting to mess around with some other lassies just because I don't get my nat king as regularly as I used too. Or just bored of the vanilla half ersed pre arranged stuff that goes on around kids staying at their Grandparents or whatever. Life's become a predictable rut, a bit of cabin fever sometimes and it is stressful. Unfortunately my missus saw an email which I never deleted from a dating site and that's when shit hit the fan. I struggle between being an adult these days with a family and wanting to relive my youth and go about doing what I want. Like you say, grass is always greener on the other side and I can remember how lonely sometimes it can get by yourself. I think you may be similar? I'm sure she is not exactly shitting rainbows over this either and there is a way back for you. Need to sort out whatever it is that has caused it and try your best to change it. I hope you can get it sorted though. If the worst case scenario happens then you need to look after yourself and make your kids a priority. Get your own place, make improvements in your life if you need to, get back to a state of positivity and happiness then get back on the wagon. Let us know how you get on though. Me neither, I'm probably out of order tbh, don't really mean it, she's a good yin really, sometimes when she's not breathing fire down my neck. We do sound the same. I would say similar things when i was with her. I would joke around about her needing to move out ect. I'd usually be pissed and fight with her then not even remember it the next day while it was probably still in her mind. I didn't even think i properly loved her until it was too late. Now i feel like i can't breathe. Not eating as much. Waking up in the night with my mind going round in circles thinking about what i have done and would i can do to make things better. Nothing i've said has made anything better. She's not even angry with me, she's just kinda cold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Are you back together now? . No. Financial separation is only now near completion. I'm keeping the house but having to remortgage for half the equity to pay her off. That said I'm deducting the total of half of all the mortgage payments which she is legally liable for. There are other financial considerations but not sure I should air them publically (PM me if you want more details incase it's also something you should consider). Things were really bitter but better now. I still struggle to trust her though. She's made some horrible comments towards me and in my opinion also made it difficult at times to see my boys which hasn't been an issue for a while which is good. Her solicitors (again my own opinion) have argued over everything money wise and each time have eventually conceded to agree to me and my solicitors (as we've always been right). Her solicitors appear terrible to me and they've had bad reviews online about their service so it's probably unsurprising they keep getting stuff wrong. They seem desperate to get my wife to take me to court last year. I think they just want their fee (that said I have to pay my fees, she's got granted legal aid). Things will get worse before they get better I'm sorry to say. Just put your kids first, don't rise to anything and that will put you in good stead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruyff Turn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 We do sound the same. I would say similar things when i was with her. I would joke around about her needing to move out ect. I'd usually be pissed and fight with her then not even remember it the next day while it was probably still in her mind. I didn't even think i properly loved her until it was too late. Now i feel like i can't breathe. Not eating as much. Waking up in the night with my mind going round in circles thinking about what i have done and would i can do to make things better. Nothing i've said has made anything better. She's not even angry with me, she's just kinda cold. Not good at all. Just give it time to let the dust settle. She'll be missing you too no doubt but you know what they are like when they are severely pissed off, masters at dingying folk. She'll come round eventually. Even if you can get a face time with the kids or something that might put your mind at rest. Need to stay away from any substances though and keep your mind busy with something other or you'll end up with severe anxiety and it will do nothing for your mental state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Not good at all. Just give it time to let the dust settle. She'll be missing you too no doubt but you know what they are like when they are severely pissed off, masters at dingying folk. She'll come round eventually. Even if you can get a face time with the kids or something that might put your mind at rest. Need to stay away from any substances though and keep your mind busy with something other or you'll end up with severe anxiety and it will do nothing for your mental state. Another problem i've got is the kids. They are my kids and i want to see them but at the same time i don't want to make her life so easy that she thinks she's made the right choice. She works 12 hour shifts at weekends so i'll have to go round and look after them and probably stay the night. Should i do it or should i say 'you should of thought about that before' or the likes. I obviously don't want to make things worse for myself either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 i stayed on in our house for about 6 months after we seperated and it was torture, sleeping in separate rooms, her going out on nights out and me not knowing where she was, my daughter was 11 and thankfully it hasn't affected her in anyway as she's a straight A student and an amazing person. Eventually moved out back to my parents for a couple of months before i got my own place. next year or so was a real struggle as i still loved her (or so i thought). I had a couple of meaningless relationships since then (both from POF) 5 years down the line I've met someone (not online) who i have been seeing for 8 months and im in love with. Life is great now, i dont really have any contact with the ex, My lassie will tell me how she is and what shes doing with her life and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, glad she's happy too as she is my daughters mum after all. time will heal you will eventually move on. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) i stayed on in our house for about 6 months after we seperated and it was torture, sleeping in separate rooms, her going out on nights out and me not knowing where she was, my daughter was 11 and thankfully it hasn't affected her in anyway as she's a straight A student and an amazing person. Eventually moved out back to my parents for a couple of months before i got my own place. next year or so was a real struggle as i still loved her (or so i thought). I had a couple of meaningless relationships since then (both from POF) 5 years down the line I've met someone (not online) who i have been seeing for 8 months and im in love with. Life is great now, i dont really have any contact with the ex, My lassie will tell me how she is and what shes doing with her life and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, glad she's happy too as she is my daughters mum after all. time will heal you will eventually move on. Good luck I think i might rule out moving back in and laying down the law about it being my house then. I'm not really understanding why people say don't go on tinder or anything. I split up with a lassie years ago (we didn't have kids or a mortgage so it was a little different) but finding someone else definitely helps. . I think i might rule out moving back in and laying down the law about it being my house then Edited February 20, 2017 by Greedy_Jambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruyff Turn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Another problem i've got is the kids. They are my kids and i want to see them but at the same time i don't want to make her life so easy that she thinks she's made the right choice. She works 12 hour shifts at weekends so i'll have to go round and look after them and probably stay the night. Should i do it or should i say 'you should of thought about that before' or the likes. I obviously don't want to make things worse for myself either. I understand what you are saying that you don't want to just accept the weekend father role of a divorced or separated parent. If it were me I'd take the kids out and drop them off later or take them to your parents over the weekend. You need to see the kids, don't let her use any excuse to have a pop or be able to justify anything by saying, he couldn't be bothered to come and get them. At the end of the day they have to be the priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CollyWolly Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Another problem i've got is the kids. They are my kids and i want to see them but at the same time i don't want to make her life so easy that she thinks she's made the right choice. She works 12 hour shifts at weekends so i'll have to go round and look after them and probably stay the night. Should i do it or should i say 'you should of thought about that before' or the likes. I obviously don't want to make things worse for myself either. You need to change your thought process on that one mate. The kids are yours and you are jointly responsible for their welfare. Looking after them when the other parent cant is what happens whether you are together or apart. It shouldn't EVER be used as a bargaining chip or a means of getting back at the mother. If you start using child minding responsibilities as a weapon, it will cause no end of damage and not just to you. That's one you will just need to man up on and do what needs doing. Edited February 20, 2017 by CollyWolly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Another problem i've got is the kids. They are my kids and i want to see them but at the same time i don't want to make her life so easy that she thinks she's made the right choice. She works 12 hour shifts at weekends so i'll have to go round and look after them and probably stay the night. Should i do it or should i say 'you should of thought about that before' or the likes. I obviously don't want to make things worse for myself either. There's no point going around with an 'I'll show you' attitude. That's not going to do you or the kids and good and it certainly won't make here think 'What a mistake I've made letting this great guy go'. I'd also say you don't want to be desperate with her either. Aye, you want her to know that you haven't given up and that you want the relationship to work, but bombarding her with constant texts and the like won't do any good. Make it clear to her that you still love her and that you want to be with her and that if she changes her mind then you'll be there. Tell her that and make it clear that you aren't going to keep begging, because you respect her decision, but that she shouldn't take that as you not caring. Then stick to it, maintain contact with her as needs be to organise the kids etc and let her have the space she needs to think. She might change her mind, she might not, but harassing her will only put more distance between you and she might start to resent you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EreWeG0.. Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 My ex ran off with my so called best friend. Two years down the line, and I have met someone even better, and the Ex is miserable apparently, karma at its finest. Was a complete mightmare at the time but it does get better, although it sounds like your partner is confused and needs a bit of space to think. If you want her back give her the space to see what she is missing and don't pressure her into a decision or it could go the wrong way. If she doesn't, concentrate on the kids, it helped me at my time...it does get better so hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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