Jump to content

Online Dating


Салатные палочки

Recommended Posts

Riddley Walker

Sorry to change the topic, but I presume by Der Kaiser's almost non-reply he has accepted that he was wrong about his interpretation of that Craig David song.

 

I'm glad you've moved on mate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 2.9k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Morgan

    264

  • Салатные палочки

    158

  • chester copperpot

    133

  • iantjambo

    106

Sorry to change the topic, but I presume by Der Kaiser's almost non-reply he has accepted that he was wrong about his interpretation of that Craig David song.

 

I'm glad you've moved on mate.

I'm not biting at that arsehole Craig David's terrible song which should be called SIX DAYS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T TELL US WHAT HE......

 

 

 

 

 

I'll probably punch one of my kids now. Your fault.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jambo dans les Pyrenees

Ach well, Monday morning on this thread is like night and day to the weekend posts.

 

Usual Monday question - is he lying in a bath of acid, or in some shallow grave on Aberlady nature reserve?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ach well, Monday morning on this thread is like night and day to the weekend posts.

 

Usual Monday question - is he lying in a bath of acid, or in some shallow grave on Aberlady nature reserve?

All of the above. She was very thorough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ach well, Monday morning on this thread is like night and day to the weekend posts.

 

Usual Monday question - is he lying in a bath of acid, or in some shallow grave on Aberlady nature reserve?

Real burning question did he get to present his 4th course of Coq au *** before being offed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Samuel Camazzola

Maybe me, I've been inspired to join by the stories on here and feel like living a bit dangerously....more to follow :challenge2:

Does everyone feel a bit deflated with the early promise from this post? It's all went a bit Tony Watt.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Riddley Walker

Does everyone feel a bit deflated with the early promise from this post? It's all went a bit Tony Watt.

 

I'm sick to death of being let down by thes charlatans. We deserve better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Samuel Camazzola

I'm sick to death of being let down by thes charlatans. We deserve better.

Yeah, in two weeks we've only been informed of an itinerary involving a week's meals.

 

At least Archie gave us some entertainment with the mad law student.

 

No further morning meetings in the park to share from anyone?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Does everyone feel a bit deflated with the early promise from this post? It's all went a bit Tony Watt.

He may have accepted the challenge, but he has failed.  Or it was all :lies:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brick Tamland

I'm sick to death of being let down by thes charlatans. We deserve better.

Patience, I've been busy full report to follow x
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Desperately scrabbling around the internet for funny stories to tell.

 

NAP.

:spoton:

 

All these dates and no rides, and plenty rejection.   :jj:

Edited by Sarah O
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brick Tamland

I have to say some of the folk on here have less patience than some of the bursds that I?ve been in touch with.

The story so far...

The lasagne bursd.
Gave me directions to her house in Kirkcaldy, quick google map street view and thought it looked a decent street so eased my fear of losing a kidney in a doped lasagne scandal. Had a good look at her pics just to make sure I knew what she looked like and was going to be met by her uglier pal/sister. Called her on the way just to check it was a female?s voice, she passed that test. So I arrived at the door and she looked better looking than her photos suggested but her arse was mahoosive, I mean seriously large and she had the thighs to match. Now that?s really not my thing but I thought the face was good?shallow hal thought go for the face and avoid the bouncy castle fun zone in the cellar, but decided I couldn?t do anything that big. To avoid the trap of alcohol and not being able to drive I said I was teetotal. She had great chat and seemed pretty normal but her lasagne was ganting, feck knows what she put in it but it was proper bad. So the size of arse and thighs and the ganting lasagne meant it wasn?t going anywhere even had I chosen to have a beer. I made my pleasant excuses and said I had a lovely evening and thought she was lovely, she moved in for a wee schneck but just got my cheek and gave me a wee peck and said I?d be in touch. I had a few texts from her on my way home so replied with I thought you were lovely but not for me, felt more like friends than potential lovers. So a bit of a tame story to start.


Fajitas bursd :oohmatron:



Paella & Tapas bursd :ruiner::naughty:



The venison bursd :terrific::brucey:


The Sunday coffee bursd :justsayno::lenny::hartley:


Cheeky wee lunch today :look:


More details to follow, off to watch us pump the huns.

Edited by Brick Tamland
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Салатные палочки

^^this guy is gay^^

 

Pretty face + fat arse = ride of a thousand gladiators

 

:pleasing: 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brick Tamland

What a glorious pumping off those shiteholes last night and sorry for that interrupting my updates.

 

Fajitas bursd 

Chat was good, very quick witted some very risque banter, was expecting some special fun time and well you can decide. Lovely house at the Grange and she told me to call her when I was on my way ? I?m only 5 minutes from where she is so messaged her to say I?m leaving in 5 so see you in 10. Messaged back to say door will be open so no need to ring bell. Wandered in with a lovely bottle of McLaren Vale Sexy Beast Cabernet Sauvignon (if there is any afficionados reading this give it a go it?s lovely, almost port like) and as I shut the door immediately received a text ?upstairs second door?, naively tottered up the stairs thinking kitchen/dining room was there but nope I was wrong.  She was sitting at edge of bed with legs crossed and not a stitch on, it would be fair to say that she is photogenic as the real life close up wasn?t so great, no minger by any stretch of the imagination just not as good as her pics but her body more than made up for it. She gave it all the ?I?ve never done this sort of thing before? which I think was a lie as some of those things for a first timer were glorious. Didn?t get out the room until 6:30 Friday morning as she had to be up for work - works in legal hence the size of the hoose! Why she is on PoF is a mystery to me unless she just likes saying ?I haven?t done this before?. Was mildly raging that I didn?t get Fajitas or anything proper to eat  :kirk: 



Paella & Tapas bursd 

After a tiring Thursday I was thinking about cancelling the Friday as I was proper knackered but managed a wee couple of hours kip in the late afternoon, which perked me up. Did the google map search thing as she lived in Dalgety Bay, apartment block looked decent so didn?t fear for any body parts or of joining Archie in some remote cellar. Wasn?t expecting much other than a decent meal as her banter was fairly tame, and she came across as a bit of an alternative boheme lefty type. Rang the bell was secretly praying that she would answer it and that there would be a nice smell coming from the kitchen, and she didn?t disappoint. The smell of the paella was lovely. Bottle of Chablis was handed over which was where the first surprise came, proper mouth to mouth action kiss, no gentle peck on the cheek just straight in there, the teenager in me almost started going for the tit but I refrained. Food was lovely, her uncle married a Spanish bursd and she picked up all the cooking tips. The chat was as I expected, all a bit lefty and boheme/hippy shite and she was on the wimmin against Trump march and what did I think, I gave her my opinion which was he has only said some derogatory things and has some allegations hasn?t actually done anything yet and perhaps a march and demonstration outside the Arab/Middle East/Indian consulates where the treatment of females is horrific might have been a better utilisation of time or even going outside the consulates of those African countries who think female genital mutilation is OK would have shown a bit more solidarity with her sisters but if he did start treating females like any of those countries than I would join the marches myself. This seemed to annoy/irritate her which I was fine about as I?d had a lovely meal, a half glass of wine so I could drive back and her chat wasn?t too great so if I was going to get asked to leave I would have been OK about it. I completely misread annoy/irritate as it became apparent that it had aroused her, that or the ? bottle of chablis she had necked I wasn?t  100% sure. Decided to show me her tattoos at the dinner table and was I a fan of this ? her retro 70?s bush. I?m not a fan at all as I prefer smoother than smooth.  My Trump stuff and the fact I didn?t like her bush and also that she had read it in cosmo or some other magazine that it is making a comeback which I followed up with ?not on my face?, got her intensely irritated/annoyed and then she went a bit Daryl Hannah in Splash on me. Possibly resulting in one of the most bizarres sexual encounters I?ve had. She was putting everything into it whilst I just laid back and watched the performance. She ended up with a beautifully crafted pearl necklace which was my parting gift. I didn?t stay the night as I thought it best not to as I value the relationship i have with my testicles.


The venison bursd 

Was going to cancel this given the nature of the two previous encounters but thought I was in my own home, doing my own cooking, could have a beer and had the whole day to relax and chill before the evening and I was extremely glad that I did.

She appeared on time at my door, bottle of 2011 Vina Alarde Rioja Reserva in hand, peck on cheek and was looking better than her pics, younger than her pics and her body and dress sense were spot on. Great chat, relaxed, thought the food was great, snuggled up on the couch listening to music which we shared pretty much the same taste and she introduced me to some good stuff I hadn?t heard, so a romantic type evening, said she would spend the night but nothing would happen? to which I obviously agreed and nothing did happen.

Well not until the morning and all her choice, think the fact that I was fecked and didn?t do anything during the night worked for her and my reward was some morning glory followed by some early afternoon delight.


The Sunday coffee bursd 

I?m not getting any younger and the week was beginning to take it?s toll, but went for the coffee date anyway, nice neutral venue Brew Lab in College Street, a relaxing coffee and no commitment. This bursd looked lovely on her profile, full length shots as well so my optimism was high although venison bursd was preying on my conscience. There was some very nice Mantovani in Brew Lab so was hoping that when coffee bursd came in I?d fit in. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Coffee bursd was a shambles, her photos were clearly taken a good few stones ago and she had the dress sense of a bag lady. My heart sank but she was delighted to be there. She controlled the whole conversation and it was all about the dates she had been on and how weird the guys are and they they always lie about their height?I?m thinking how can you lie about your height? And the irony of her saying lying is rife whilst she was lying with pretty much all of her pics. I?m sitting there thinking I?ve made a big mistake and just want to go home, but her stories kept on coming and they were all variations on the same theme I asked about how recent her pics were and she said that didn?t matter as she was still the same I couldn?t be arsed arguing the point which I normally would have but was scared it turned into another paella bursd scenario where my well reasoned argument flicks some horny switch on.

 

Cheeky wee lunch bursd

Nothing to report on this other than it was a cheeky wee sandwich with a very plain bursd, a vanilla date if ever there was one.

 

So to the JKB Dr Ruth?s and Claire Rayners amongst us what should I do?

 

I have another 4/5 potential dates with bursds from the sites whose numbers I got before I came off the sites, but I?ve got kids this weekend and working away for most of next week.

I look forward to the abuse, the neutral advice, the predators advice, the nice guys advice, the arseholes advice and any lingering bursds advice.

 

#loudnoises            

#helpBrickdecide

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Салатные палочки

What a glorious pumping off those shiteholes last night and sorry for that interrupting my updates.

 

Fajitas bursd 

Chat was good, very quick witted some very risque banter, was expecting some special fun time and well you can decide. Lovely house at the Grange and she told me to call her when I was on my way ? I?m only 5 minutes from where she is so messaged her to say I?m leaving in 5 so see you in 10. Messaged back to say door will be open so no need to ring bell. Wandered in with a lovely bottle of McLaren Vale Sexy Beast Cabernet Sauvignon (if there is any afficionados reading this give it a go it?s lovely, almost port like) and as I shut the door immediately received a text ?upstairs second door?, naively tottered up the stairs thinking kitchen/dining room was there but nope I was wrong.  She was sitting at edge of bed with legs crossed and not a stitch on, it would be fair to say that she is photogenic as the real life close up wasn?t so great, no minger by any stretch of the imagination just not as good as her pics but her body more than made up for it. She gave it all the ?I?ve never done this sort of thing before? which I think was a lie as some of those things for a first timer were glorious. Didn?t get out the room until 6:30 Friday morning as she had to be up for work - works in legal hence the size of the hoose! Why she is on PoF is a mystery to me unless she just likes saying ?I haven?t done this before?. Was mildly raging that I didn?t get Fajitas or anything proper to eat  :kirk: 

 

 

 

Paella & Tapas bursd 

After a tiring Thursday I was thinking about cancelling the Friday as I was proper knackered but managed a wee couple of hours kip in the late afternoon, which perked me up. Did the google map search thing as she lived in Dalgety Bay, apartment block looked decent so didn?t fear for any body parts or of joining Archie in some remote cellar. Wasn?t expecting much other than a decent meal as her banter was fairly tame, and she came across as a bit of an alternative boheme lefty type. Rang the bell was secretly praying that she would answer it and that there would be a nice smell coming from the kitchen, and she didn?t disappoint. The smell of the paella was lovely. Bottle of Chablis was handed over which was where the first surprise came, proper mouth to mouth action kiss, no gentle peck on the cheek just straight in there, the teenager in me almost started going for the tit but I refrained. Food was lovely, her uncle married a Spanish bursd and she picked up all the cooking tips. The chat was as I expected, all a bit lefty and boheme/hippy shite and she was on the wimmin against Trump march and what did I think, I gave her my opinion which was he has only said some derogatory things and has some allegations hasn?t actually done anything yet and perhaps a march and demonstration outside the Arab/Middle East/Indian consulates where the treatment of females is horrific might have been a better utilisation of time or even going outside the consulates of those African countries who think female genital mutilation is OK would have shown a bit more solidarity with her sisters but if he did start treating females like any of those countries than I would join the marches myself. This seemed to annoy/irritate her which I was fine about as I?d had a lovely meal, a half glass of wine so I could drive back and her chat wasn?t too great so if I was going to get asked to leave I would have been OK about it. I completely misread annoy/irritate as it became apparent that it had aroused her, that or the ? bottle of chablis she had necked I wasn?t  100% sure. Decided to show me her tattoos at the dinner table and was I a fan of this ? her retro 70?s bush. I?m not a fan at all as I prefer smoother than smooth.  My Trump stuff and the fact I didn?t like her bush and also that she had read it in cosmo or some other magazine that it is making a comeback which I followed up with ?not on my face?, got her intensely irritated/annoyed and then she went a bit Daryl Hannah in Splash on me. Possibly resulting in one of the most bizarres sexual encounters I?ve had. She was putting everything into it whilst I just laid back and watched the performance. She ended up with a beautifully crafted pearl necklace which was my parting gift. I didn?t stay the night as I thought it best not to as I value the relationship i have with my testicles.

The venison bursd 

Was going to cancel this given the nature of the two previous encounters but thought I was in my own home, doing my own cooking, could have a beer and had the whole day to relax and chill before the evening and I was extremely glad that I did.

She appeared on time at my door, bottle of 2011 Vina Alarde Rioja Reserva in hand, peck on cheek and was looking better than her pics, younger than her pics and her body and dress sense were spot on. Great chat, relaxed, thought the food was great, snuggled up on the couch listening to music which we shared pretty much the same taste and she introduced me to some good stuff I hadn?t heard, so a romantic type evening, said she would spend the night but nothing would happen? to which I obviously agreed and nothing did happen.

Well not until the morning and all her choice, think the fact that I was fecked and didn?t do anything during the night worked for her and my reward was some morning glory followed by some early afternoon delight.

 

 

The Sunday coffee bursd 

I?m not getting any younger and the week was beginning to take it?s toll, but went for the coffee date anyway, nice neutral venue Brew Lab in College Street, a relaxing coffee and no commitment. This bursd looked lovely on her profile, full length shots as well so my optimism was high although venison bursd was preying on my conscience. There was some very nice Mantovani in Brew Lab so was hoping that when coffee bursd came in I?d fit in. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Coffee bursd was a shambles, her photos were clearly taken a good few stones ago and she had the dress sense of a bag lady. My heart sank but she was delighted to be there. She controlled the whole conversation and it was all about the dates she had been on and how weird the guys are and they they always lie about their height?I?m thinking how can you lie about your height? And the irony of her saying lying is rife whilst she was lying with pretty much all of her pics. I?m sitting there thinking I?ve made a big mistake and just want to go home, but her stories kept on coming and they were all variations on the same theme I asked about how recent her pics were and she said that didn?t matter as she was still the same I couldn?t be arsed arguing the point which I normally would have but was scared it turned into another paella bursd scenario where my well reasoned argument flicks some horny switch on.

 

Cheeky wee lunch bursd

Nothing to report on this other than it was a cheeky wee sandwich with a very plain bursd, a vanilla date if ever there was one.

 

So to the JKB Dr Ruth?s and Claire Rayners amongst us what should I do?

 

I have another 4/5 potential dates with bursds from the sites whose numbers I got before I came off the sites, but I?ve got kids this weekend and working away for most of next week.

I look forward to the abuse, the neutral advice, the predators advice, the nice guys advice, the arseholes advice and any lingering bursds advice.

 

#loudnoises            

#helpBrickdecide

 

:pleasing: 

 

A solid account of the last week. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jammy ctnu!!! I've been ferreting the same burrow for 26 years now and could murder a strange piece, I'm not the cheating type so have to satisfy my urges vicariously through posts on this thread!!!!! Still.........jammy uctn!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brick Tamland

Just received this text at 6:08pm

 

"Hi, door will be open at 7:30 until 7:34. Hope you can find me K x"

 

:insufferable:   

 

Brick going to poke one in before the weekend 

 

:yas:

 

Hope it wasn't a group text and wonder if I'll get fajitas this time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jambo dans les Pyrenees

Just received this text at 6:08pm

 

"Hi, door will be open at 7:30 until 7:34. Hope you can find me K x"

 

:insufferable:

 

Brick going to poke one in before the weekend

 

:yas:

 

Hope it wasn't a group text and wonder if I'll get fajitas this time.

When she says door, she doesn't mean door does she?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jambo dans les Pyrenees

"Hope you can find me."

 

Well, I'd be surprised if she's slaving over a hot stove. So...unless she's having a massive shite as he turns up...I'd suggest the bedroom, Brick.

 

Imagine her surprise, when he walks in with Taco Bell wraps & a GoPro strapped to his head...

This. Adds extra meaning to the term "periscoping it".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

chester copperpot

I'd guess...no.

 

Good job she didn't text the back door would be open.

 

 

:wow:

 

So she's having a shite then

 

 

Dirty beatch

Link to comment
Share on other sites

chester copperpot

Just received this text at 6:08pm

 

"Hi, door will be open at 7:30 until 7:34. Hope you can find me K x"

 

:insufferable:

 

Brick going to poke one in before the weekend

 

:yas:

 

Hope it wasn't a group text and wonder if I'll get fajitas this time.

 

I'd this the fajitas bird I take it

 

 

Screenshot a few pics mate. Would be a laugh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And she told you you're having left over Steak Pie. And you'd better like it. Or else...

Pretty much :(

 

I remember the days where I would get Fajitas two or three times a day :sob:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great update, such a way with words.

 

"She ended up with a beautifully crafted pearl necklace which was my parting gift"

 

Such a gentleman  :toff: 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Hope you can find me."

Well, I'd be surprised if she's slaving over a hot stove. So...unless she's having a massive shite as he turns up...I'd suggest the bedroom, Brick.

Imagine her surprise, when he walks in with Taco Bell wraps & a GoPro strapped to his head...

Top post Pres.

 

Ace :thumb:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How about a "San Diego goodbye" when he leaves?

My Google is broken so you'll have to tell the whole board what you mean and how you know it :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I go away from this thread for a little while, and it's descended into shite.

Literally.

If you're not here for even two minutes then all threads go tits up.

 

Don't leave.

 

Please.

 

Trump's a prick.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, Morg.

As it's you, mate. :thumbsup:

P.S. Don't Google the San Diego thing. It's not Alabama, but it's not Narnia either.

Bad news.

 

My Google functioned again. Got San Diego result.

 

My wife has done that before.

 

Not to me :sob:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stop. Everything.

What?!

:lol:

You heard.

 

I'm crying hard now.

 

Leave me alone.

 

I'll never shite again.

 

:wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.




×
×
  • Create New...