82 replies to this topic

[bikerjambo]

Any more sufferers out there?
I'm in feckin agony today, turned into a baboon erse, too many years of sitting on wet bike seats

Any ideas to help my suffering?

As a little aside, can anyone remember seeing a band called the Haemeroids prob in the mid 80s? Sung classics like Germaloid Shuffle and Pink Vibrator.

[winningways]

Think your "tops tiles" need the germaroid shuffle but I would give pink vibrator a miss !

[Dan Saaf]

[shaun.lawson]

Hi biker,

How long have you been suffering with this, and have you seen a doctor about it?

[bikerjambo]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 06:12 PM, said:

Hi biker,

How long have you been suffering with this, and have you seen a doctor about it?

Hi Shaun, been hiding?

Been suffering for years mate but never seen a doc as it just sort of comes and goes, today seems really bad tho.

[shaun.lawson]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 06:16 PM, said:

Hi Shaun, been hiding?

Been suffering for years mate but never seen a doc as it just sort of comes and goes, today seems really bad tho.

You should see a doc. It's a quality of life issue, and a bloody unpleasant one too. Take it from someone who knows.  

[bikerjambo]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 06:20 PM, said:

You should see a doc. It's a quality of life issue, and a bloody unpleasant one too. Take it from someone who knows.  

Tell me about it, I've had to stop eating chilli's cos their a nap to bring em out!

[Robbo-Jambo]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 05:59 PM, said:

Any more sufferers out there?
I'm in feckin agony today, turned into a baboon erse, too many years of sitting on wet bike seats

Any ideas to help my suffering?

As a little aside, can anyone remember seeing a band called the Haemeroids prob in the mid 80s? Sung classics like Germaloid Shuffle and Pink Vibrator.

Shove a handful of vaseline up your erse and then get pished. Pain disappears. Job done.  

Tomorrows a different story though  

[shaun.lawson]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 06:26 PM, said:

Tell me about it, I've had to stop eating chilli's cos their a nap to bring em out!

Well - the problem is they´ll only get worse, mate. I did exactly as you did, and ´managed´ the symptoms for many years: but eventually, it reached a point whereby I had to sit down on a soft surface for six to eight hours after every single time I went.  

And yes yes, too much info, I know, I know... But in November, I had HALO surgery for what had become a very severe problem. The recovery was ******* painful for a couple of weeks - but it worked, and the problem´s gone. HALO is a much, much less invasive procedure than the simply terrifying traditional method, and I´d recommend it: you can get it on the NHS if you ask about it.

[bikerjambo]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 06:43 PM, said:

Well - the problem is they´ll only get worse, mate. I did exactly as you did, and ´managed´ the symptoms for many years: but eventually, it reached a point whereby I had to sit down on a soft surface for six to eight hours after every single time I went.  

And yes yes, too much info, I know, I know... But in November, I had HALO surgery for what had become a very severe problem. The recovery was ******* painful for a couple of weeks - but it worked, and the problem´s gone. HALO is a much, much less invasive procedure than the simply terrifying traditional method, and I´d recommend it: you can get it on the NHS if you ask about it.

What is the "terrifying traditional method"? I really don't know, I just know that most bikers of my age suffer from this ailment as waterproofs weren't deemed to be cool when we were young.

[davemclaren]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 06:49 PM, said:

What is the "terrifying traditional method"? I really don't know, I just know that most bikers of my age suffer from this ailment as waterproofs weren't deemed to be cool when we were young.

Wire brush and cream.  

[bikerjambo]

davemclaren, on 18 February 2012 - 06:57 PM, said:

Wire brush and cream.  

Oh hell Dave, my erse just twitched (painfully) at that thought!

[shaun.lawson]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 06:49 PM, said:

What is the "terrifying traditional method"? I really don't know, I just know that most bikers of my age suffer from this ailment as waterproofs weren't deemed to be cool when we were young.

The traditional method involves them forcibly cutting away each pile one by one. Doctors know how horrifically painful this is (some patients are left in complete agony for six weeks afterwards), so steer all but the most severe patients away from it. The treatment I had, also known as THD, uses a tiny ultrasound device, which locates each pile, and ties a stitch around every one. This cuts off the blood supply to the piles, meaning they just shrivel up and fall off over the next couple of weeks.

HALO isn´t painless: no surgery for haemorrhoids could ever be. But it´s far, far, far less painful than the traditional method, and after a troublesome initial couple of weeks, has worked like a dream in my case, thank heavens.

[davemclaren]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 07:03 PM, said:

The traditional method involves them forcibly cutting away each pile one by one. Doctors know how horrifically painful this is (some patients are left in complete agony for six weeks afterwards), so steer all but the most severe patients away from it. The treatment I had, also known as THD, uses a tiny ultrasound device, which locates each pile, and ties a stitch around every one. This cuts off the blood supply to the piles, meaning they just shrivel up and fall off over the next couple of weeks.

HALO isn´t painless: no surgery for haemorrhoids could ever be. But it´s far, far, far less painful than the traditional method, and after a troublesome initial couple of weeks, has worked like a dream in my case, thank heavens.

Thanks for sharing that.  

[shaun.lawson]

davemclaren, on 18 February 2012 - 07:04 PM, said:

Thanks for sharing that.  

No-one should have to suffer in silence, David.  

[milky_26]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 06:43 PM, said:

Well - the problem is they´ll only get worse, mate. I did exactly as you did, and ´managed´ the symptoms for many years: but eventually, it reached a point whereby I had to sit down on a soft surface for six to eight hours after every single time I went.  

And yes yes, too much info, I know, I know... But in November, I had HALO surgery for what had become a very severe problem. The recovery was ******* painful for a couple of weeks - but it worked, and the problem´s gone. HALO is a much, much less invasive procedure than the simply terrifying traditional method, and I´d recommend it: you can get it on the NHS if you ask about it.

[bikerjambo]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 07:05 PM, said:

No-one should have to suffer in silence, David.  

I'm not suffering in silence Shaun, you just can't hear my moans and groans!

[I.J]

I mind seeing one of they embarrassing illness programmes where a boy with piles had what looked like a red snooker ball hanging out his bum.

I've no messed about with the ol' Farmers since. Cream straight up the jeer at the first sign.

[bikerjambo]

I.J, on 18 February 2012 - 07:38 PM, said:

I mind seeing one of they embarrassing illness programmes where a boy with piles had what looked like a red snooker ball hanging out his bum.

I've no messed about with the ol' Farmers since. Cream straight up the jeer at the first sign.

Done the Sudocrem IJ, isn't it grand the way you feel like your gliding as you walk?

[I.J]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 07:48 PM, said:

Done the Sudocrem IJ, isn't it grand the way you feel like your gliding as you walk?

I like to lie on my front for a half hour after application.

Makes sure it's worked it's way in.

[bikerjambo]

I.J, on 18 February 2012 - 07:53 PM, said:

I like to lie on my front for a half hour after application.

Makes sure it's worked it's way in.

Walking works it in IMHO

[I.J]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 07:57 PM, said:

Walking works it in IMHO

I also like a half hour to recover from the full horror of what I've just done.

[bikerjambo]

I.J, on 18 February 2012 - 07:58 PM, said:

I also like a half hour to recover from the full horror of what I've just done.

Don't sniff yer fingers then, just don't!

[I.J]

bikerjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 08:08 PM, said:

Don't sniff yer fingers then, just don't!

It's tasting them that I have to stop.

[bikerjambo]

I.J, on 18 February 2012 - 08:09 PM, said:

It's tasting them that I have to stop.

[bikerjambo]

For anyone interested, still a bit sore but a bit better than a few hours ago.

[K1874M]

shaun.lawson, on 18 February 2012 - 06:12 PM, said:

Hi biker,

How long have you been suffering with this, and have you seen a doctor about it?

So your 30,000 posts haven't been delivered by a mobile device.... You should use a non damp desk chair when your on your computer.

[Stuart Lyon]

When I told my doctor I had piles he said don't you mean hemorrhoids I said if you saw how many I've got then you would say piles!

[jammyjambo]

I had a pile once.... walked about aimlessly for a few hours and that little sucker popped. Job done... thank me later. Wear a pair of pants your not fussed about getting blood and shit all over.

[bikerjambo]

jammyjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

I had a pile once.... walked about aimlessly for a few hours and that little sucker popped. Job done... thank me later. Wear a pair of pants your not fussed about getting blood and shit all over.

WHAT?

[Lovecraft]

[Denny Crane]

Go to the doctor. I'm sure there will be nothing to worry about.

[PaulHartley10]

Lovecraft, on 18 February 2012 - 10:18 PM, said:

[Boomstick]

jammyjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

I had a pile once.... walked about aimlessly for a few hours and that little sucker popped. Job done... thank me later. Wear a pair of pants your not fussed about getting blood and shit all over.

There isn't a smiley available to me for the sheer horror I feel at the thought of this.

I hope I never get piles. They sound awful.

[Boomstick]

I didn't know what the looked like so I googled them.

Boke.

What exactly are they?

[FWJ]

Boomstick, on 19 February 2012 - 03:36 AM, said:

I didn't know what the looked like so I googled them.

Boke.

What exactly are they?

Swollen blood vessels in and around your balloon knot.

[Boomstick]

FWJ, on 19 February 2012 - 04:09 AM, said:

Swollen blood vessels in and around your balloon knot.

**** that. How do I avoid ever suffering from these?

Nae ***** deserves that.

[FWJ]

Boomstick, on 19 February 2012 - 04:35 AM, said:

**** that. How do I avoid ever suffering from these?

Nae ***** deserves that.

Try not to get constipated (straining makes things worse) and don't spend an hour on the pan reading the paper....

Edited by FWJ, 19 February 2012 - 05:02 AM.

[hunter121]

I think that's awesome. Makes me feel layered. Like some sort of epic lasagna

[Marvin]

davemclaren, on 18 February 2012 - 06:57 PM, said:

Wire brush and dettol.  

FTFY

[Col. Robert Neville M.D.]

no laughing matter the old nobby stiles.    they can be life threatening i've heard.

[MalkyMcFrench]

Every day is a school day on kickback  

[Dan Saaf]

The Revenant, on 19 February 2012 - 10:28 AM, said:

no laughing matter the old nobby stiles.    they can be life threatening i've heard.

Not sure about life threatening Rev, are you sure about this ?

[Col. Robert Neville M.D.]

LionheartF, on 19 February 2012 - 10:44 AM, said:

Not sure about life threatening Rev, are you sure about this ?

it is if you top yourself.

[Boomstick]

The Revenant, on 19 February 2012 - 10:54 AM, said:

it is if you top yourself.

I would.

[Joleon]

I stupidly put on germaline rather than germaloid cream before a round of golf last year. I didn't even make the back nine. Just horrible.

[Boomstick]

jammyjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

I had a pile once.... walked about aimlessly for a few hours and that little sucker popped. Job done... thank me later. Wear a pair of pants your not fussed about getting blood and shit all over.

I'm coming back to this...

Where were you when you exploded blood and feces out of your arse?

[winningways]

 jammyjambo, on 18 February 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:
I had a pile once.... walked about aimlessly for a few hours and that little sucker popped. Job done... thank me later. Wear a pair of pants your not fussed about getting blood and shit all over.


Sounds a "pile" of .....

[Tommy Wiseau]

I hear they're a "very serious real life issue".

I also doubt I'd be able to write more than one line posts on JKB if I had them. Or find a DVD if I was asked to.

[jammyjambo]

Gilmore Place :/